


We'll Carry On

by MeBeShe



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: ANGSTY ANGST ANGST, Ableism, Ableist Language, Anal Fingers, Anal Sex, Angst, Begging, Biting, Blowjobs, Choking, Clawing, Cock Rings, Cuddling, Dirty Talk, Dom Molly, Edging, Face-Fucking, First Kisses, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Frotting, HEAVY ON THE FEELINGS, M/M, Making Out, Marking, Masturbation, Mutual Feeding, Mutual Pining, Nipple Clamps, Orgasm Denial, Pacific Rim AU, Panic Attacks, Possessive Behavior, Rating for later chapters, Rope Bondage, Scratching, Slow Burn, Tattoos, amnesiac molly, autistic caleb, collaring, getting ink together, guided masturbation, like holy pining batman, molly is a catholic, possessive molly, pseudo-virginity, references to masturbation, sub Caleb, they finally do the do, they fuck like animals y'all, tw: catholicism, with feelings!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-04-13 20:10:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 75,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14119869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeBeShe/pseuds/MeBeShe
Summary: “I’m sorry to do this, Caleb, but I have no other choice.” Bryce’s words flowed over him. Caleb’s hands wrapped around the cup of coffee as the words went in one ear and out the other.“Cobalt Kraken is grounded. Even if her pilots were alright she’s torn to bits. It’s going to take six months, at least, to get her functional, with crews working around the clock.” Bryce continued. “Los Angeles cannot be without a Jager. The city is too vulnerable.” They continued. “I would not ask this of you, but Peacock Rising is on her way and Tealeaf needs a co-pilot.”





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m sorry to do this, Caleb, but I have no other choice.” Bryce’s words flowed over him. Caleb’s hands wrapped around the cup of coffee as the words went in one ear and out the other. 

“Cobalt Kraken is grounded. Even if her pilots were alright she’s torn to bits. It’s going to take six months, at least, to get her functional, with crews working around the clock.” Bryce continued. “Los Angeles cannot be without a Jager. The city is too vulnerable.” They continued. “I would not ask this of you, but Peacock Rising is on her way and Tealeaf needs a co-pilot.” 

Bryce was sitting on their desk, the window in their office open to the Jager bay. Caleb saw Cobalt Kraken, her arms torn to bits, her torso crushed by Kaiju jaws, her armor rent with claws, puddles of blue blood still encrusted on her paint and in various bits of her insides, behind her the Pacific Ocean, wide and a deep gray-green. The Los Angeles Shatterdome was perched on the edge of Catalina Island, and the whole of the channel island had come to belong to the PPDC. 

Their Shatterdome wasn’t built in the the usual style, with the Jager bay in the center and the rest of it blooming out like wheel, with the roof of the bay open like a flower. Their Shatterdome was boxy with a door that was large enough for a Jager to walk out of, with a ramp leading down into the ocean. The Jager bay doors were never closed, either. California’s weather was just too fine to let them be shut, so the only times they were closed was bad weather and Kaiju. Seagulls had roosted in the roof the Jager bay, and sea lions were frequent visitors as well. Caleb loved it. 

“Bryce….” Caleb’s voice was rough as he struggled to keep his mind in the here, in the now. “Please.” He gasped. “Don’t make me do this.” 

“I am sorry, Caleb. I wouldn’t ask this of you if I had no other choice.” They repeated. “We need every pilot, even the ones fresh out of the Academy, to test against him.” Their blue eyes were filled with pain as they looked at the once great Caleb Widogast. “I doubt you two are compatible. You’re just too different. But I can’t leave a single stone unturned.” They explained. “And once you fail the test, I will let you recover in peace. I promise you, my friend.” They shot Caleb a small, sad smile. “Keep the coffee. You look like death.” They got off the desk, moving to sit in a chair. 

“Tomorrow morning. Oh-seven-hundred sharp. Pilot, you’re dismissed.” They said, plopping in their chair. 

“Jawohl, Kommandant.” Caleb said softly. He stood on shaky legs and left Bryce’s office. 

Caleb wasn’t looking where his feet were taking him. He didn’t lift his head much, these days. Only a handful of people got to see his face. He was often lost in his own head, lost to the Drift. He often found himself sitting on what used to be his Jager bay, replaying the memories from his happier days in his head. His feet didn’t take him to the shattered bits of his past, to where his and Cristobal’s Jager used to rest. They led him to the mess hall, even though he wasn’t hungry. He sat down at the table with the other pilots, sipping the coffee that tasted like acid on tongue. 

“Caleb you alright?” Fjord’s deep rumble came to his right. He glanced up at his friend and shrugged a thin shoulder. Fjord’s arm was bound tightly to his chest, and his face was beaten all to hell. 

“Words, dude.” Beau said across from Fjord. Her voice was muffled to due her broken nose. 

“Bryce….they want me to test against Tealeaf.” He said softly. He took a sip of coffee and made a face. It was stone cold, now. 

“Well that’s a good thing, ain’t it?” The big Texan was trying to cut his steak and failing. He had broken his collarbone when the Kraken had been torn to bits. Beau reached out and stabbed his steak with her fork, allowing him to cut it. “It’s high time you got back in the hot seat.” Fjord said. 

“Yeah man. It’s like riding a bike.” Beau said. “It’s not like you forget how to ride a bike. You of all people.” 

Fjord shot his co-pilot a Look and she shot him one back. The two of them had a non-verbal conversation that made Caleb’s heart ache. He missed that closeness, that intimacy with another person who lived half in their skin and half in his own. He glanced away, unable to take it. 

“Bryce does not think we are compatible.” Caleb confessed. 

“They’re right.” Fjord said. “You and Tealeaf are like water’n oil.” Fjord finished cutting his steak and slowly started to eat. 

“He’s a fucking rockstar, man.” Beau said. “Even after his accident.” She glanced to Fjord and Caleb felt him kick her shin gently under the table. He knew what they were thinking. 

He knew that they were thinking about how they nearly lost each other when Corasshi attacked. He knew they were thinking about close they had come to ending up alone. He knew they were thinking about how close they had come to ending up like him. Caleb sighed and sat up. 

“You gotta eat, Caleb.” Fjord said. 

“I have eaten.” He replied. 

“Ramen from the vending machines doesn’t count, bro.” Beau said, looking up at him. 

“You look like shit.” Caleb commented. 

Her face was heavily bruised, her nose broken and bandaged, stitches on her forehead and down one arm where she had been clawed at by Corasshi’s talons. Her broken leg was extended on the bench, her crutches by her side. Caleb remembered those days. He remembered waking up, beaten and bloody and bruised, with Cristobal’s body next to his and his warm breath on his neck and he remembered not cherishing those quiet moments enough. 

“Eat my entire ass, Caleb.” She said. 

“Sorry, I don’t like women.” He joked. He felt comfortable making those jokes around Beau; she didn’t like men. He turned his back on them, the cold coffee clutched in his hand as he roamed the Shatterdome. 

He wasn’t sure how long he wandered, or where he had been. He ended up at what used to be Forest’s Wrath’s bay, the bay of his old Jager. He climbed the ladder to sit on the concrete base, watching the ocean through the open doors. He watched as large, looming shape came closer. 

It was a new Jager, a shiny, bright mottled blue green. Her helm was in the shape of a peacock’s head, with a sharp beak that Caleb knew was a last resort weapon. She had no tears or scars or rust and Caleb watched as Tealeaf’s Jager was brought in and dropped in an empty bay across from him. She was beautiful, in a way. He watched as a stream of crew that he didn’t know trialed in and started crawling over her body like ants. 

“She’s pretty, isn’t she?” Came a rough voice to his left. He glanced and saw Nott. The tiny head tech was the only one of Caleb and Cristobal’s crew that was still here. She was good with her hands and her tools and small enough to fit in the tiny, cramped places that most people couldn't reach. Caleb liked her, a lot. She understood him. 

“Ja.” He said softly. He licked his thumb and wiped a spot of grease from her cheekbone. “How goes the repairs on the Kraken?” He asked. Nott sighed and dug out her flask. She took a shot and passed it to Caleb. 

“There’s a tooth. In her torso. I found it today. It’s bigger than I am. We’re going to have to take her a part to get it out.” She sighed. “That’s another two weeks.” Nott looked up to the new bot. “I hope he finds a co-pilot.” She said softly. 

“Bryce wants me to test against him.” Caleb confessed. He took a sip of coffee and grimaced. “Why am I still drinking this?” He asked, leaving the cup out of reach. 

“They can’t make good coffee.” Nott said with a conspiratorial note in her voice. “And you are? Caleb, do you think that’s wise?” She asked. 

“No.” He said. “But they made it clear I have no choice. I fight, I prove we’re not compatible, then I go back to…whatever this is?” He said. 

“Wallowing on your own misery?” Nott suggested, making Caleb laugh bitterly.

“Ja.” He said. “Wallowing.” 

 

The next morning Caleb was crawling out of his skin with discomfort. Not only was he the oldest there but a long shot, but the others were just so optimistic. They watched in eager joy as time and time again Mollymauk Tealeaf threw his opponents on their ass. 

He was tall and lithe, with pale skin and hair to match the color scheme of his Jager’s paint job. There was metal in his bottom lip and nose and eyebrows all up his ears and in his tongue and judging by the outlines in the fabric of his tank top, in his nipples as well. His arms were bare showing off his tattoos of stars and moons and flowers and pyramids and eyes and the signature peacock, the feathers crawling up up up over Molly’s chest and collarbone and neck to end on his cheeks, as well as the scars. His arms were covered in them. Mollymauk was covered in scars from a suit overload. He was cocky, arrogant and Caleb didn’t like him. 

Caleb had watched him from his quiet corner, hiding behind Fjord’s big body and peeking over his friend’s shoulder as Mollymauk proved that one pilot after another wasn’t able to Drift with him. He smiled at the young woman he had thrown, offering a hand up. She took it and he hauled her to her feet. He muttered a few words in her ear and she beamed, bouncing off to join her friends.

“Is that it?” He asked, slinging the bo staff across his shoulders. Caleb huffed as Fjord chuckled. 

“He fights well.” Fjord said softly. 

“He’s a showoff.” Caleb muttered. 

“Man, I wish I could fight him.” Beau whined, leaning on her crutches. 

“Once you’re better, Beau.” Fjord said softly. 

“There’s one more.” Bryce said from where they were watching. “Widogast. Your turn.” 

All the eyes in the room turned to Caleb. There was a sense of quiet and Caleb wanted to run. He felt panic crawling up his throat and he wished to vanish into the floor. Fjord moved, and Caleb padded barefoot onto the training mat. 

He knew what he looked like. He knew he looked tired. He had deep purple bags under his blue eyes, his red hair was greasy and lank, and he was underfed. He looked like he needed ten square meals and a month of naps to look vaguely human. Caleb was a mess, and he knew it. 

“I was told you were here, but I didn’t believe it.” Mollymauk said. Caleb was close enough to see his eyes; a deep, rich gray, flecked with blue and green. “Caleb fucking Widogast. You’re a legend.” He said softly. “You took out Crookeye without damaging a single block of San Diego after she broke the Miracle Mile.” Mollymauk said. There was praise and awe in his voice and his eyes were bright with admiration and it made Caleb’s stomach churn. 

“Stop talking and hit me.” Caleb sighed. 

He wanted to get this over with. He watched Mollymauk pull the staff from his shoulders and take a fighting stance. The room was tense, everyone’s eyes trained on the two living legends on the mats. Caleb didn’t move. He stayed planted where he stood. He felt the tatami rods on the soles of his bare feet and heard the soft whispers of the people around. He saw Nott peek around Fjord’s hips, her golden eyes wide. He saw Mollymauk’s shoulders shift and he felt the swing before he saw it.

Caleb span on the ball of his foot, the end of Mollymauk’s staff missing his face by half an inch. He turned his own staff flicking out to bash against Mollymauk’s shin and knock his foot out from under him, sending him flying to the ground. Mollymauk swore and rolled to his feet. 

“Eins su null.” Caleb said over his shoulder. He saw Nott smile at him and shoot him a thumbs up. He heard the whistle and felt the sharp crack at his ribs. He turned, and saw Molly grinning at him. 

“One to one.” Mollymauk said with a shit-eating grin on his face. Caleb sighed. 

“Really?” He huffed. 

“Yeah. Let’s dance.” Mollymauk swung wide and Caleb blocked it, the wood in his hands creaking. He was around the same height as Mollymauk, but the other man had a good twenty pounds of muscle on him. He used that to his advantage. He shifted, sliding on his foot and hitting Molly in the gut with his shoulder, getting inside Mollymauk’s range. The butt of his staff flickered up to Mollymauk’s face and Caleb stopped it before breaking the other man’s nose. 

His back was pressed Mollymauk’s chest, and he could feel the other man’s breath on the back of his neck as they were pressed together. 

“Eins bis zwei.” He said. There was muttering now as Mollymauk let him step out his arms. “Focus, Tealeaf. Don’t get cocky.” Caleb chided him softly. 

He heard Mollymauk step and swing and Caleb ducked, grabbing the back of Mollymauk’s thigh. Mollymauk ripped his leg out of Caleb’s grip and the back of his staff bounced off of the back of Caleb’s head. 

“Two to two. You’re rusty.” Mollymauk teased. There was a feral grin on his face. The fucker was enjoying this. Caleb swung his staff, going on the offense. Mollymauk took two, three, four steps back, blocking Caleb’s blows. His staff was vibrating in his hands as they clashed, Caleb ducking out of the way of an elbow and clocking Mollymauk on the jaw with his staff. 

“Drei vor zwei.” He gasped out, before attacking again, not giving Mollymauk the chance the recover or get his bearings. One more hit and Caleb was gone. One more blow to Mollymauk’s form and he could rest. 

They moved in sync, ducking and flowing like dancers. Caleb felt Mollymauk’s staff at the back of his ankle and he was yanked off balance, hitting the mat with a soft ‘oof’ and then swearing as Mollymauk hit him in the mouth, splitting his lip. 

“Three to three.” Mollymauk said, incredible eyes flickering to the blood dripping down Caleb’s chin. Caleb snarled and grabbed the back of Mollymauk’s knee with his staff, bringing the other man to the floor. Mollymauk swore, rolling with the attack and rolling to his feet. 

Caleb rose, swinging his staff wide over his head and aiming for Mollymauk’s face. Mollymauk met the staff for a moment their eyes connected. Caleb broke the gaze, uncomfortable at all times with eye contact. Molly moved and Caleb moved, their feet hitting the mat at the same time. Caleb blocked all of Molly’s blows as Molly blocked his. 

Caleb’s chest was heaving as sweat poured down his arms and down his back as his blood sang. It had been far to long since he had done this; since he had fought against someone at all. He was able to read all of Molly’s moves and he bent backward, his opponent’s staff missing his nose by a whisper. He span and touched the butt of his staff to Molly’s jaw as Molly’s staff touched his own. 

There was quiet in the room, only broken by the sound of their breathing. Molly’s face split into a low, slow grin as fear flooded Caleb’s veins.

He knew what this meant. 

He dropped his staff like it had burnt him. 

“No.” He turned to Bryce, pointing at him. “No.” He said. Panic began flooding in his chest as tears of fear sprang into his eyes. “No.” He said, backing up. 

He and Mollymauk Tealeaf were Drift Compatible. 

He’d have get back into the cockpit. 

He’d have to drift with Mollymauk. 

He’d have to pilot a Jager and go out and kill monsters.

He turned and ran. 

 

It didn’t take long for him to be found. There was only a handful of places he could go without leaving the Shatterdome. He was found in the little nest of blankets he had made in Forest’s docking bay. He knew he would be found. He knew that the whole fucking Shatterdome would be gossiping about it. 

He hadn’t expected him to be found by Mollymauk. 

Mollymauk was sitting on the edge of the concrete, watching as his team crawled over his - no - their Jager. He glanced over his shoulder as Caleb peeked his head out from his little safe spot. 

Mollymauk was no longer in training clothes; choosing a black shirt with a band logo on it, black jeans, boots and a jacket so totally covered in patches and studs that Caleb’s couldn’t see the original fabric. 

“You missed the announcement.” Molly said, lifting a lit cigarette to his lips. “You’re my new co-pilot.” He said it the same way that people said they had a dentist’s appointment the next; like it was a bland fact, not a pronouncement that rocked Caleb’s world. 

“No.” Caleb said. 

“You don’t have a choice.” Molly asked, turning to Caleb. 

“I am not your co-pilot because I am not stepping foot into a cockpit again.” Caleb said firmly.

“You don’t have a choice.” Molly said, looking at Caleb. The poor man was exhausted. He looked like he was a barely functioning human. Molly had heard that Widogast had been broken by loosing his co-pilot and his lover to the jaws of Hardship and the flames that had burst from their cockpit but he had thought they were stories or exaggeration. Apparently not. 

“We got for our first drift at oh-eight-hundred.” Molly said. “You’ll like her.” He pointed over to Peacock, glinting in the sunlight coming in from the roof. It was kept open all year long and all day long, barring Kajiu or storms. It was different from Anchorage. 

Caleb opened his mouth and then glanced to the robot that Molly was pointing at. “She is beautiful.” He admitted softly. “A tad flashy.” 

“Have you met me?” Molly teased, laughing. Caleb didn’t laugh. “She’s got that new fusion core. No chance of that going up in flames.” He said softly. He watched Caleb’s jaw tighten and his eyes went into the middle distance for a moment or three. If Molly had been pressed, he would have said that Caleb was suffering the world’s worst Drift hangover. The man sniffed and sat up, the blankets falling to his hips. He was still in the training clothes from the morning, the tank top showcasing just how goddamn thin he was. Molly was glad that he had already called for pizza. He just had to keep Caleb here, keep Caleb engaged, and then he could feed him. 

He hadn’t even Drifted with Caleb and he was already worried about the man. The idea of the drift scared him. His file had said he had been an accomplished pilot before the accident, but he didn’t remember a damn thing. He had, apparently, chocked up quite a few kills with a partner he didn’t remember. He had, apparently, a reputation for being a deadly co-pilot with a tendency to party hard and bring people home. He had, apparently, been very good at killing things. 

Molly didn’t remember. 

His file was tucked away in his bunk, the pages worn thin and the edges foxing. There was a handful of photographs and screencaps; of Molly with his partner on talk shows and Molly with fans from their social media accounts. 

He didn’t remember anything. 

For him, this was his first Drift. 

This was his first time sharing his mind with another human being and it scared the shit out of him. Molly’s memory loss had been kept secret, been kept hidden and out of sight. It was to make the PPDC look strong, and to keep up his image. How could he help protect humanity when he couldn’t remember his own birthday or his own mother’s face? He must have a had a mother. Her photo wasn’t in the file, but he knew he must have. The only one of his crew that knew about his mind was Yasha, his best friend and best tech. 

“Wait until you fight in her the first time. She moves like a dream.” Or so he had been told. 

“Mollymauk, you are full of shit.” Caleb muttered. 

“Please, call me Molly.” He said. “You’re gonna be in my head tomorrow morning.” 

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” Caleb muttered. 

“Molly.” A woman’s head appeared at the edge of the ladder. She had dark, heavily braided hair and her eyes were mismatched. “Your pizza’s here.” Her voice was softer than expected, considering the sheer bulk of muscle she had. 

“Yasha, you beautiful darling. Caleb, this our head tech, Yasha. Yash, this is Caleb. The new co-pilot.” He introduced them. “And she’s bringing us pizza and beer.” Molly made grabby hands and Yasha sighed. She passed Molly the cardboard boxes and a plastic bag that clinked. 

“I’m the head of Peacock’s tech team. I’ll be across the bay. Holler if gives you any trouble.” She said softly to Caleb. Caleb got the impression that she was quiet and thoughtful and didn’t like to speak very much. Caleb liked her already. 

“I will.” He said, watching Yasha descend the ladder. 

“God I haven’t this pizza in years.” Molly said, telling the truth. He assumed so, anyway. He opened the box and was greeted with a gooey, cheesy mess. Molly made an obscene noise and lifted a piece, digging in. He slid the box over to Caleb with a ‘help yourself’ noise. 

Caleb watched his new co-pilot eat and he slowly emerged from his blanket nest. The pizza was shiny with grease and it was steaming hot and his stomach growled loudly. He watched Molly dig out a beer and pop the lid off. 

“Come on, it’s only getting cold.” He shot Caleb a smile. Caleb padded out and sat down next to Mollymauk. He took a slice of pizza and took a bite. It was hot and greasy and the cheese was stringy and it was fucking amazing. He groaned and slowly ate. 

“Better with beer.” Mollymauk said, offering him a beer. He glanced over to the other man and saw him offering him a beer, with the lid on. He rested his pizza against his knee and twisted it off. He took a sip and frowned. 

“Where is the flavor?” He asked. 

“What do you mean? It’s good beer.” Molly had gone out of his way to get Yasha to get the good stuff. 

“There’s no flavor. It reminds me of a joke.” Caleb took a swig and leaned into Molly. “What do having sex in a canoe and American beer have in common?” He asked. 

“I don’t know, what do having sex in a canoe and American beer have in common?” Molly asked, taking a sip. 

“They’re both fucking close to water.” Caleb replied, deadpan snarking.

Mollymauk choked on his beer, spitting half of out as he coughed and laughed at the same time. He coughed into his elbow and wiped his mouth as someone swore up at him. 

“Sorry!” He called out, then turned to Caleb. “You made me spit my beer all over that tiny woman.” He gestured. 

“Caleb?” Nott’s voice came from below. Caleb looked down and sure enough, there was Nott, covered in beer. “Are you alright?” She asked. Her coveralls, that used to be the mottled dark green of Caleb’s Jager, now was the rich blue and purple of Mollymauk’s. 

“Ja, I’m fine.” He said softly, taking a bite of his pizza. Her eyes went wide and they flickered to Molly. He waved. “Mollymauk, this is Nott. She’s my friend. She was the head tech for….” The name got stuck in his throat. 

_The sound of screams filled his mind as the scent of his lover’s burning flesh filled his nose, metal rent as the kaiju Hardship roared her challenge as the flames licked along the walls._

“Hey.” Mollymauk’s voice was next to him and Nott’s hand was on his knee. 

“Caleb, you there?” He asked. 

“Yes.” Caleb said softly, shoving his mouth with more pizza. His gaze skittered over the Jager in front of him. 

Molly glanced to the tiny woman, to Nott. She was part of their crew now, and he shoved his hand over to her for a shake. “Good to meet you Nott. Sorry I spit my beer on you.” He winked. “Here, have a beer.” He tossed her one. She caught it and popped the lid off. 

Nott sat next to Caleb, her boots clicking against the concrete as the three of them ate and drank in an semi-awkward silence. They watched the sun set over the ocean, creeping down into the sky, turning it a blazing red. 

“Red sky an night: sailor’s delight.” Molly said, the quip coming from somewhere in the back of empty memory. 

“Red sky at morning: sailor’s warning.” Nott finished. Something in her words rang true in Molly’s memory. He could almost remember what those phrases meant to him. 

“We need to sleep.” Molly said. “Big first day tomorrow, cowboy.” He grinned at Caleb.

“Fjord’s the cowboy.” Nott said, pointing to Kraken. “Literally. He grew up on a cattle ranch.” She said. 

“Hunh. I’ve never seen a cow.” Molly said, telling the truth. 

“Neither have I.” Nott nodded. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Nott.” Molly rose, his knees cracking. “Caleb, keep the pizza. As a peace offering.” He clapped his co-pilot on the shoulders and climbed down the ladder. 

“He seems nice.” Nott said, watching his blue head vanish into the depths of the Shatterdome. A cool breeze blew in from the ocean and she breathed it in. 

“People are not always what they seem.” Caleb said gently. He was scared. He was terrified. He didn’t want to Drift tomorrow morning. He felt so tiny and small and lost and he wondered what would happen if he ran. If he ran back to Germany, and he hid. 

“He gave you pizza, Caleb.” She pointed out. “He seems to want to help.” 

Caleb said nothing. 

“You will show up tomorrow, right?” Nott asked. “It’s been a long time since we’ve done this.” She said softly. 

“I have to.” Caleb said. 

“I’ll be there if you will.” Nott shot him a smile. She held out her hand. He slid is into hers and she gave his palm a squeeze. “Remember, find me if you nightmares, ok?” She stood up, breaking their bond. 

“I will. Tomorrow morning, Nott.” He said, watching her descend the ladder. 

The Shatterdome was never really quiet. There was too many people fighting a war for it be quiet. But the sounds of metal and welding and people talking were soothing to Caleb as he padded over to his little bundle of blankets. He crawled into them and then felt tiny paws on his back. There was a soft mew, and whiskers tickled his face. 

“Hallo, Frumpkin.” He said softly, holding up a blanket for the cat. The Shatterdome had it’s share of stray cats, and this one had taken a liking to Caleb. The tabby crawled into the blankets, curling up against Caleb’s ribs and purring. 

It took a long time for sleep to claim him.


	2. Chapter 2

Caleb’s stomach threatened to revolt as he stood outside the suiting area. He hadn’t had anything to eat. He had stared at the cold pizza, knowing he should eat something, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He had picked at the eggs and toast that Fjord had shoved on his plate, pushing them around as his stomach clenched into knots. Now he stood in front of the door to the suiting area, his hand on the knob, his breath coming fast as the coffee he drank tried to claw it’s way out his mouth. He failed to keep his coffee down, and grabbed the nearest potted plant and vomited up the terrible mess hall coffee. It was bitter and horrid and burned his sinuses as he retched it up. 

“Caleb?” Nott’s voice was soft in his ear and her hands were soft on his shoulders. “Come on. They can’t see you like this.” She said gently. He knew she was right. 

“Ja.” He muttered. He rose, wiping his mouth, and entered the suiting area. 

Molly was already there, the consuit clinging to his legs and hips as he pulled his upper body into it. His torso was covered in more circuitry scars and yes, his nipples were pierced. 

“Glad you decided to show.” He said, pulling the sleeves on. Caleb said nothing, just pulled his shirt over his head. He was thin and he turned so he didn’t see Molly see the scars. 

The burns from the fire that took Cristobal from him. They started at his right elbow, going all the way up and over his shoulder and down his ribs, stopping at his hips. The Kaiju that Jester had code-named Grief had lived up to her name. She had no only ripped the sun from Caleb’s universe, but had marked him for life, inside and out. He shucked out of his pants and shoes and pulled the consuit on. Nott moved into his orbit, sliding on the armor as he glanced over his shoulder. 

Yasha, the woman from before, was putting Molly’s armor on. Nott slipped the greaves into place on Caleb’s shins. He knelt so she could attach his breastplate as he slid the gloves on his hands. They had done this so many times before with Cristobal that they fell into their old pattern naturally, with Caleb finished before Molly was half clothed in his armor. Nott took out the spinal array and it unfolded like a delicate spider, and she slid it into the space along his back. Caleb twisted a few times, like always to check her work. Her work, like always, was perfect. 

“Danke, Nott.” He said softly ruffling her hair. He glanced over to Mollymauk and watched Yasha slip the spinal array into place. 

“Are you ready, Mollymauk?” He asked softly. 

“Call me Molly. All my friends do.” Mollymauk shot him a smile. 

“You are not my friend.” He said firmly. 

“Peacock Rising neural test, commencing in T minus two minuets.” A woman’s voice announced over the loudspeaker. 

“Come on.” Caleb sighed. He stepped out of the suiting area and into LOCCENT. 

The room was packed. There was bodies everywhere as Caleb and Molly wove through them to get to Peacock’s helm. Bryce was there, standing at their place by the console. Fjord and Beau were leaning against the wall in a place where they could watch. Nott and Yasha took their places behind a young woman with short bobbed hair, chubby cheeks, and blue bow holding her bangs back wearing a shirt that was covered in glitter and a cartoon unicorn on it. 

“Caleb! It’s good to see you in the suit again! You’re too skinny though.” Jester said. “And Mollymauk Tealeaf! It’s good to meet you at last! My name is Jester and I’m the Chief LOCCENT officer!” She held out hand and Caleb could see the powder sugar on her fingertips. Molly beamed and shook her hand. 

“Call me Molly.” He shot her a wink. She giggled, nodding. 

“I’m very excited for this! Caleb hasn’t been in a Jager since Cristobal died. It was very tragic you know. I still miss him.” Jester said. Hearing Chris’s name from another’s lips sent a pang of longing into Caleb’s heart. Molly glanced over to him and Caleb shifted his gaze away. 

“Pilots. To your Jager.” Bryce said, their voice firm. Yasha put her hand on Molly’s shoulder, leaning in and whispering something that Caleb couldn’t hear. 

Caleb knew he should wait for Molly, but he was feeling petty and bitter and angry and broken, so he didn’t. He just stepped down the hall and into Peacock’s Conpod. He stepped into his place, the left side of the Jager’s brain, and started running though his pre-mission checks. He wasn’t even paying attention, really, as he did them. They were muscle memory for him. Molly joined him, stepping into the right side slot, his boots locking in. 

Caleb didn’t notice Molly’s eye flicker toward his hands and mimic his movements. Caleb didn’t notice the tremor in Molly’s hands. Caleb was too wrapped up in his own self loathing to notice that his co-pilot was maybe half a heartbeat away from a panic attack. 

“Left hemisphere ready.” Caleb said. 

“Right hemisphere ready.” Molly echoed him. 

“Peacock Rising neural test, initiating.” A robotic voice said. The Conpod jerked and slid down the magnetic rails. Caleb rolled with it, but Molly fell to his knees. He pushed himself up, grabbing at the console to do so as the Jager’s head slid into her neck. There was a dull, metallic echo as the Conpod locked in place. Two helmets came down, a bright, shiny blue-green and slid into their heads. 

Jester’s face appeared on the console in front of them, and Caleb could see Bryce and Beau and Yasha and Nott and all the others. He looked out the viewport and saw damn near everyone in the Shatterdome was looking up at them. He saw faces on the Jager bay, on the railing, in the windows and the catwalks and everywhere he looked. Panic rose in his throat and he struggled not to vomit in his helmet. 

“Peacock Rising neural handshake, in ten…” The voice said. 

“We have an audience.” Molly said. 

“Nine…” 

“Don’t remind me.” Caleb said gently. 

“Eight..” 

“Why? You’ve already puked once.” Molly replied. 

“Seven..” 

“Don’t remind me.” 

“Six..” 

“Caleb, there’s something you need to know.” 

“Five..”

“Save it. I’ll be in your head soon.” 

“Four….three…” 

Caleb closed his eyes. 

“Two…one…Neural handshake initiated.” 

_Fear gut wrenching heart stopping bile rising fear hospital lights bright above them “Can you hear me?” echoing through their minds a face bright and concerned above them “Tealeaf, can you hear me?” “Sorry” Molly’s voice coming from Caleb’s mouth “do I know you?” Their mother looking at them and running a hand over their hair and muttering in German Cristobal looking at them with awe in his brown eyes and muttering in Taglog as he ran his hand over their hair as love pierced hot in their chest pain hot in their chest as they looked at Yasha sitting in a chair by their bed knowing they should know her Yasha changing into Fjord “I’m sorry Caleb” His deep voice rumbling “They can’t find his body” Yasha sitting by their bed and showing them clips on Youtube of Ellen Degeneres and John Oliver and Jimmy Fallon and Oprah and other talk shows that they were on winking and smiling into the camera with their trademark peacock tail tattoo “I’m sorry but I don’t remember this” falling from their lips lights flashing as people on the Santa Monica pier watched them and Cristobal get their first kill Cristobal’s lips wrapping around the neck of a beer bottle after as they celebrated their first kill and pure want going down their spines at the sight and Cristobal pushing them against a wall with a hand on their throats and kissing them and NO_

Caleb gasped, wrenching his mind away from Molly’s. He turned his head to look at Molly. 

“Stay away from that.” He said firmly. 

“Peacock Rising, what happened?” Bryce’s clipped English accent coming through the speakers. 

“Nothing, Kommandant.” Caleb said. 

“Let’s try this again.” Bryce said. Jester nodded and pushed the button. 

“Neural Handshake in three….two…one” 

_Shame hot in their chests as they looked over their file and seeing photo after photo of themselves in selfies with fans and promo pics and newsreel footage but not remembering a thing shame burning hot in their chest as their father catches them on their knees with a cock in their mouths the taste of medicine bitter on their tongues “perhaps this will work” a voice echoes as doubt blares in their mind doubt flooding their veins as they see Cristobal kiss a girl a girl coming up to them and kissing them saying they took her to bed a year ago and she remembers them and do they want to do it again “no, not right now” they said “thank you darling but I’m sick at the moment” they lie they lie saying they don’t love Cristobal to Bryce’s face lying to their Kommandant Bryce’s eyes looking at them in concern Yasha looking up at them and patiently teaching them how to tie their shoes and read and write and NO_

“Not that.” Molly gasped out, the connection failing. 

“Keep going.” Bryce ordered. 

“Handshake in three…two…one.” 

_Fjord sitting on the edge of the bed wide shoulders blocking the window he’s the only one to still visit them after all this time everyone knew they were well enough to leave medbay so they didn’t visit but Fjord still did he’s a good man a woman looking up at them in awe calling them a good man calling them a hero for saving her life two years ago only they can’t remember the kaiju that nearly killed her nor can they remember killing it the kaiju roaring as she tore at Forest’s ConPod her hot breath reeking of decaying meat as she clawed at Cristobal flames licking up their arm smoke filling their lungs as heat seared the flesh but none of that mattered to them as their lover turned his head and reached out to grab them for one last touch and NO_

“Again.” Bryce ordered. 

 

They worked all day. They tried to Drift all day. In the end Caleb’s nerves were flayed raw and he was shaking so badly he couldn’t take his helmet off. Caleb stumbled out of the Conpod and Nott was there to catch him, to keep him from falling to his knees. He gasped for air as the little woman pulled of his helmet. Sweat dripped from his hair down onto the floor. 

“Oh seven hundred tomorrow.” Bryce said. They turned to the skeleton crew that remained. Most of them had left after the tenth failed handshake. “This does not leave the Shatterdome.” Their voice was firm. “The civilians cannot learn that Los Angeles is unprotected.” 

The weight of Bryce’s word sat heavy in Caleb’s stomach. One of the largest cities in the America, the fifth largest economic force in the world, the home of countless stars and celebrities, right on the edge of the Pacific Ocean, a straight line from Breach, was a sitting duck. All because Caleb was scared to Drift. He stood and headed into the suiting area. 

It was silent, the shame and tension heavy in the air as he and Molly stripped. They said nothing as climbed back into their clothes and went their separate ways. 

*

“Again.” Bryce said, their voice tight with frustration. Jester pushed the button and Caleb gasped as he was subjected to memories again. 

_“I know you like books here” Cristobal beaming at them as he passed them a copy of their favorite novel in German “Here I can teach you to read” Yasha said coming to the bunk at night when the others were gone so nobody would know they didn’t know who they were their hands running across Cristobal’s body as they slid into their lover they watched as the men on the screen rocked together their cum cooling on their hand as they wondered what it was liked to be fucked fucked that’s what they were if Corrashi got any closer the whole damn city was fucked the whole damn Jager was coated in Kaiju blood Kaiju blue eating away at their hand blue on their hand and blue in the shower and blue in the sink as they died their a different color maybe this would help jog their memory maybe now they can-_ Molly jerked his head, throwing them out of the Drift. 

Two days. 

Two days of this. 

Two days of non-stop traveling down memory lane, into the worst, twisted parts of their souls. Caleb ripped his helmet off, anger making his blood burn hot. He wanted to hit something, but it wasn’t him; it was Cristobal alive once again in his head. He had barely gotten any sleep these last two days, tormented by memories. He felt the Conpod rise as Peacock’s head slid into place at LOCCENT’s doors. 

Molly had taken off his helmet and stepped out of the locks as well. He grabbed Caleb by the shoulder and slammed him into the wall of the Conpod. He pressed his face against Caleb’s, filling his vision. Caleb couldn’t look at him, his spine crawling out of his skin with any form of eye contact. 

“Now, listen, I’m not Cristobal. I’m not looking to replace him. All I care about is getting a Handshake so we can Drift. There’s a war going on darling, now get your shit together and help me save the world.” Molly clapped him on the cheek and left the Conpod. He left Caleb against the wall and he felt tears prick his eyes. He slid down the wall, curling into a ball. He still had his helmet in his hands and he threw it across the room in anger. He felt so damn alone. 

Since Cristobal had ripped from him, ripped from his mind, he felt like a man stranded alone on a deserted island, slowly going insane. He was a man, adrift on a raft in the ocean, going mad with thirst but surrounded by water. He was an island of isolation in a room of crowded people. Caleb liked being alone, but he had never liked being lonely. And Cristobal had died in his head, taking a chunk of him mind with him, all Caleb had been was lonely. 

“Caleb?” Nott asked, stepping into the room. He sniffed and wiped angrily at his cheeks. 

“Ja?” He asked. He was still shaking with anger and fear and desperation and loneliness. 

“Here.” She said, holding out a cup of tea. She sat in front of him, smiling at him. He took the tea from her and took a sip. “Jester….well she had an idea.” Nott said. “It’s stupid. Really stupid. But we’ve looked at the records from your drifts and it seems like every time you two start to connect you guys break it to keep from going too deep.” Nott said all in one breath. She continued. “Caleb, Jester thought you should go deep. Chase the R.A.B.I.T.” Nott said. 

“No.” Caleb said, shaking his head. “That can only end badly.” 

“Caleb, if you don’t get a Drift you’ll be discharged. Caleb, where will you go?” Nott asked. “How do you plan to get a Drift going when you can’t even think about Chris?” She asked. 

Nott was one of the few people who bring up his lover without him wanting to hit them in the mouth. Nott had known Cristobal and they had liked each other a lot. Nott had been at the funeral when Caleb himself couldn’t bear the thought of going. He had never even been to Cristobal’s grave. He couldn't bring himself to go. Tears flowed down his cheeks and he sniffled. 

“I know you can’t forget. Ever.” Nott said. “But maybe, instead of pretending that you can forget, you can remember and show Molly why you hurt?” 

 

“Molly.” 

“No, I don’t want to hear it.” He said, looking at Yasha in the mirror. She was sitting on the bunk that was Caleb’s. Molly had made sure the sheets were clean every night, just in case Caleb chose to sleep in the room that was his now. So far, Molly had spent every night alone. 

“You have to tell him.” The big woman said softly. 

“Tell him what? ‘Oh hey it’s me that’s fucking up the Drift because I can’t remember jack shit and I’m terrified all the time’?” He waved his arms about as his paced. “That’ll go over real fucking well.” 

“He needs to know.” She said. “Maybe that’s what’ll let you two Drift.” 

“Are you my shrink now?” Molly bitched at her. He sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Sorry, Yash, sorry.” He sat down on the bed next to her. She wrapped her arm around him and held him close. 

“Maybe… you could show him.” She said gently. “Jester…she had an idea.” Yasha continued. 

“What? Hand-feed him pastries?” He asked. Jester’s love for pastries was something he had come to know and he used already to get into her good graces. She loved the guava pastries he bought for her, apparently. 

“No. Chase the R.A.B.I.T and bring him with you.” She said. 

“R.A.B.I.T….”Molly said, searching through his limited memory. “Random Access Brain Impulse Trigger.” He said softly and gently. 

“Yes.” Yasha said, proud of him. He was getting better. He didn’t see it, but he was. 

“You mean go down the rabbit hole and bring him with me to Wonderland?” He asked. 

“Yes.” She said again. 

“This will end in tears.” Molly deadpanned. 

“Possibly. But it’s better than you getting discharged.” Yasha said. That was her worst fear. Molly, discharged, alone in the world that would eat him alive. 

“Fuck it. What’s the worst that can happen?” He asked. 

 

* 

Breakfast was different now, for Caleb. It used to be him watching Beau and Fjord and the other pilot teams laughing and joking and telling tall stories and healing after fights as Caleb sat alone. Now it was tense and quiet. Molly and Caleb’s abject failure as pilots had thrown a wet blanket of tension on the table. Caleb picked at his eggs as Molly ate some toast. 

“Jester had an idea.” He said. 

“Nott told me about it.” Caleb replied. He glanced up the face of his co-pilot. 

“Plan?” Fjord asked. He and Beau were the only ones left that still spoke to them. They were good people. 

“Jester said we should chase the R.A.B.I.T.” Caleb said simply. 

“No.” Fjord and Beau turned to them and spoke at the same time with the manner that only Drifting together can give a pair of people. They then started to speak at once. 

“Caleb, this is a fucking horrible idea”

“You don’ know how either of your memories will-”

“Fucking end in tears and screams and dude you are not ready-” 

“Caleb this is a bad idea for both you an’ Molly an’ you two need to-” 

“Do either of you have a better idea?” Molly asked, cutting them off. The whole table was looking at them. Chasing the R.A.B.I.T was something they were all taught to avoid, like they had been taught to avoid hot stoves and sharp corners as children. Actively chasing it was anathema to their nature as pilots. 

“Besides, what happens if we fail?” Caleb asked, his voice bitter. “We don’t Drift?” He laughed a bitter laugh with no humor behind it. “What’s the worst that could happen?” 

 

 

Caleb’s hands were shaking with fear as he ran the pre-handshake tests. It was like the first time he had failed to Drift with Molly. His heart was hammering in his chest and his hands were shaking and his mouth was dry and his stomach was churning and he had to fight to keep his eggs down. He couldn’t vomit in his helmet again. 

“Left hemisphere, ready.” He said. 

“Right hemisphere, ready.” Molly echoed him. 

“Are you sure you two want to do this?” Bryce asked. They looked tired. Their blonde hair was highly disheveled and they had deep, dark bags under their blue eyes. Caleb felt a sharp pang of guilt in his gut. 

“Ja, Kommandant.” He said softly. 

“If we fail, we fail.” Molly said. 

“I will be standing by, ready to break the handshake.” Bryce said. “Jester will be there also, as a failsafe. I won’t let you to get lost to the Drift.” Their voice was firm. 

“Yes, Commander.” Molly said. “I need to speak to Caleb privately, before we start.” He reached up and muted his mic. Caleb did the same. 

“What is it, Mollymauk?” Caleb asked softly. Despite all they had been through the last four days, Caleb had barely spoken to Molly. 

“If this works, if we Drift, no more blanket nest of depression.” He turned and looked at Caleb through his helmet. “You move into the bed you have. You bunk with me.” He said. 

“I have nightmares.” Caleb said softly. “Nightly.” He was plagued by memories. 

“I don’t dream.” Molly said. You need memories to dream. “We’re a good fit.” 

“And if this fails?” Caleb asked. “I go back to my blanket nest of depression and we try again tomorrow?” 

“No. I ask for a new pilot.” He said gently. “I ask for a new one, and I leave you alone.” The ‘until you die of a broken heart’ went unsaid in Molly’s head. 

“Ja.” Caleb said at once. He knew this would fail. He reached up and turned his mic back on and watched Molly do the same. 

“Mollymauk, a warning.” He took a shaky breath. “My mind is not pretty.” He confessed softly. 

“Neither is mine.” Molly replied. 

The awaited the countdown in silence. There was a heaviness to the air, an exception, knowing that the coming moments were heavily pregnant with results that could either make or break them. Caleb’s spine crawled in fear as they listened to the voice count. It hit one, and then his world went white. 

_”It’s total memory loss.” The doctor said, looking at Molly. “Complete and utter. There’s very little we can do.”_

_“Autism.” Said the doctor, looking at Caleb’s mother. “It’s a lifelong condition. There’s very little we can do to treat it. But there’s still a chance that he can lead a happy, full normal life.” Caleb watched the doctor hand his mother a sheet, his feet swinging free of the floor._

_The hospital was white and big and empty and quiet as Molly roamed the halls. He tried every door, but they were all locked. They were always locked in this ward. The ward of people who muttered to themselves, who couldn’t remember their spouse of fifty years, who had white hair and sagging skin and God Molly would be here until he died. He walked the halls, not knowing what he had been before. He knew he had been a Jager pilot, good with killing things with his Jager’s flaming sword. But his co-pilot had something called an aneurysm while in the hot seat, making Molly seize and and electricity fry his brain. He turned a knob and saw his co-pilot, a toad-like man that the chart at the foot his bed called Kylre, and Molly knew he should remember him, he should remember the four kills and the years spent living in the other’s mind, but all he could remember was a vast, yawning emptiness._

_Hospital lights bright against his eyes, his right side burning like flame, hospital air stinging his nose. He reached out with his mind to touch Cristobal’s, to find his lover’s presence with the Drift hangover only for his mind to plummet into space. There was nothing. Caleb forced his eyes open and looked to his right. Hospital rooms with the injured Pilots were always in pairs; two beds, two heart monitors, two IV’s, two sets of everything to keep the Pilots from ripping themselves to pieces to get to each other. The other bed was empty. There was no Cristobal. Caleb reached out with his mind and his arm to where his co-pilot, his right hand, his best friend, his lover, half of his mind and soul should be. His hand fell into air as his mind fell into vast, yawning emptiness. Caleb screamed._

In LOCCENT, Bryce heard Caleb scream. It was primal scream, one of pain and anguish, more akin to a wounded animal than man. Jester went to break the handshake and they grabbed her hand. 

“No. Let it happen.” 

_A scream. Molly heard screaming. He ran out of the room and down the hall, shouldering open door after door after door after door. He ran until he stumbled into a room with a redheaded man, looking at an empty bed, screaming at the top of his lung and ugly crying. Great heaving sobs ripped from his chest as he clawed at the bandages and IV’s that were keeping him in the bed. “Caleb.” He said. The man screamed more. Molly walked over and pulled Caleb into a hug._

They gasped in unison, their chests heaving as one. Their hearts beat in time, and they blinked their eyes open. 

“Neural handshake successful.” The robot voice said. “Neural handshake steady and holding.” 

There was whooping and cheering and hollering and Caleb was aware that someone, most likely Jester, was crying. 

_Oh._ Molly’s voice echoed across his mind. _So this is what it’s like._ He heard Molly’s voice in his head. 

He heard Molly’s voice in his head. 

He reached out with his mind and felt Molly recoil in fear. 

_Schweig mein freund._ He thought. _It’s meant to be like this._ Caleb basked in the presence of another mind melding with his.

He had been so alone for so damn long he hadn’t realized how lonely he had been. He felt the pain and the fear and anger of the last year being leached out of him by the calming touch of Molly’s mind, gently brushing his. He realized that he was no longer alone and his knees went weak. He gasped and reached out for Molly. 

His nights would no longer be haunted by nightmares, his days would no longer be spent being there but separate, his mind breaking apart and healing itself every second of every day. 

He wasn’t alone anymore. 

He had Molly. 

Molly felt Caleb’s prick his eyes as the other man’s grief faded away. He felt his own tears run down his face as he felt how much pain and sheer anguish Caleb had been carrying on his too-thin shoulders. He felt Caleb’s mind prod his own and then curl around his protectively.

_Schatz, you can’t remember a thing._ He could feel every layer of Caleb’s emotions as he thought. 

He felt a wave of compassion come from Caleb that nearly knocked him to his knees. He had never expecting another human to feel anything like that for him. He felt the sheer shock and surprise and anger simmering in Caleb’s soul. Shock and anger about how Molly had been treated; locked away like some kind of criminal and awe for he long he had survived.

“I know. I’m broken.” Molly said gently. 

“Don’t speak. Think.” Caleb said softly. Molly reached out and entwined his finger’s with Caleb’s. 

_You’re not broken, you just need a little help._ Caleb’s emotions were still reeling and making Molly’s head spin. Molly’s throat hurt from Caleb’s screaming and his eyes were stinging with their combined tears and Molly wanted to reach out and pull Caleb into his arms and tuck his face into his co-pilot’s neck and never, ever let him go. He could feel how starved for human touch Caleb was, his skin craved the feeling of another and how his hands itched to hold another person. 

_Caleb, you’re so damn brave._ He gave his co-pilot’s hand a gentle squeeze as the sheer awe seeped from his mind into Caleb’s. 

“Pilots, are with us?” Bryce’s voice came into their helmets. 

“Ja, Kommandant.” The German flowing from Molly’s lips without a thought. 

“Let’s see what you can do.” Bryce said. 

Together, they lifted their hands. Their Jager, Peacock Rising, lifted hers. In the Jager bay people were going insane. They were screaming and cheering and throwing their hats in the air and opening beer cans and people were filming on their phones and Caleb felt Molly’s sheer joy tumbling down through the Drift and he laughed, letting his co-pilot’s emotions find the light of day. They flexed their hands and touched their thumbs to their fingers, and then rolled their head. Outside, their Jager performed the same tests without a flaw. 

“She moves like a dream.” Caleb said. 

“Told you you’d love her.” Molly teased. Caleb sighed, sending of wave of affection down the link. 

“Don’t get full of yourself, Molly.” Caleb said. 

“Oh, so I’m Molly now?” Molly teased. 

“I’m in your head. You’re Molly now.” Caleb said, his mind brushing Molly’s. Molly took the chance and ran mental fingers over Caleb’s mind. 

It was so neat and organized, and Molly got the impression of a cool, quiet space, in soft browns and muted greens, with every memory in a file, and every file in a box, and every box on a shelf and every shelf with a date and reference numbers. Caleb’s mind was full and organized and he could remember everything. Molly started to laugh. He laughed until Caleb’s stomach ached he felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Molly pushed the thought over to Caleb and he started to laugh as well. He realized this was the first time since Cristobal that he had laughed with humor. 

“What’s so funny you two?” Fjord asked. 

“Nichts, nichts.” Molly said, laughing more.

“Don’ speak German, Caleb.” Fjord said softly. 

“That was Molly!” Caleb said, laughing harder. 

“Alright you two, I’m breaking the link.” Bryce said. 

Molly felt Caleb’s panic and fear flood his throat. He couldn’t be alone again. He reached out with his own mind and ran a finger over Caleb’s soul. _You won’t be alone. I’m here._ He whispered into Caleb’s mind before the connection was cut. They stayed like that, hands clasped as the Conpod floated back up to LOCCENT. 

They moved in sync: breaking the locks on their boots and on their shoulders, stepping down and taking their helmets off and moving into LOCCENT. They were greeted with Jester, launching herself at them and wrapping them in a hug. Molly knew Caleb would be crawling out of his skin at the unwanted touch so he pulled her into a hug with just him. 

“I am so proud of you!” She pulled away and jumped up and down. Molly saw the way Fjord’s eyes flickered to her ass and he saw Caleb smirk. Her makeup was running and she was crying and Fjord gently pulled away with his good hand. 

“Welcome to the Los Angeles Shatterdome, Mollymauk. Caleb, welcome back.” He pulled them both into a hug and Molly and Caleb hugged him back. They moved together through the crowd, the hangover making them move in sync. 

“Nott, get Caleb’s things, will you? He’s moving in with me.” Molly clapped his co-pilot on the shoulder as they stepped into the suiting area. The little woman vanished and the tech crews swarmed them. It didn’t take long to get them out of their suits and into their normal clothes. 

“Gentlemen.” Bryce said from the doorway. Molly and Caleb turned to them in unison. “Take tomorrow off. You’ve earned it.” Bryce knew that the first twenty four hours after the first drift were essential to form a good and steady bond. 

“Jawol, Kommandant.” The pilots said in unison. Molly giggled a bit and led Caleb down the halls to what was now their room. Nott was hot on their heels with only what looked like two small boxes, his blankets, and a cat. 

“Here!” She said, putting them on the empty bed. “Is there anything else you need, Caleb?” She asked. The cat jumped onto the bed and rolled around, snuggling under the blankets again. 

“No, thank you.” Caleb ran a hand over her hair.

“Okay. Just…call me you need anything.” She looked between Caleb and Molly. “Either of you.” She then left. Molly knew what would happen the minute the door locked. 

As soon as it did, Caleb launched himself into Molly’s arms. Molly held him close, their knees giving out at the same time as they held each other. Caleb was trembling in Molly’s arms and he tucked his face into Molly’s neck. Molly pulled Caleb’s shirt out of his slacks and ran his hands over his co-pilot’s skin. He still felt the flames licking Caleb’s ribs on his own body and he felt the pain of Cristobal’s death in his own marrow. 

Caleb threaded his hands in Molly’s short hair, breathing in the scent of him. He smelled like incense and warm spicy notes and vanilla and good, rich tea and it made Caleb’s soul sing. They stayed like that, holding each other, breathing each other in. 

“You can’t remember a thing.” Caleb said gently. 

“And you can’t forget.” Molly said softly. 

“What a pair we are.” Caleb replied, awe in his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, come find me on tumblr at matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll and on twitter at Mebeshe4815. Kudos and comments feed the plot bunnies.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They deal with the Drift Hangover and have a day on the town.

Molly ran his hands up Caleb’s spine, feeling the knobs of bone under his hands. “Good God you’re skinny.” Molly whined. 

“I haven’t really wanted to eat the last six months.” Caleb said softly. Molly knew why. Depression did that to a person. 

“Go shower. I’ll get some food in. Are any of your clothes clean?” Molly asked, already knowing the answer. “Never mind. I’ll put them out to be washed. Along with your blankets. You can wear my stuff until you get clean clothes.” He slowly let go of Caleb, feeling the small whimper from him against his neck. 

He refused to think about that noise. If Molly thought about that noise, he’d be hard as a rock and that would not be a good thing right now. Caleb needed him to be solid, to be steady, to be present. Not to be thinking about what Caleb’s mouth on his cock would feel like. 

“Ja.” Caleb said, standing up. He pulled his shirt off and dropped it on the floor before stepping out of his shoes and socks. He stripped out of his pants and boxers before walking naked into Molly’s - no, their - bathroom. Molly had been inside his head; seeing him naked was nothing. 

Molly watched Caleb walk away, his eyes planted on Caleb’s ass. His hips were thin but Molly could tell that once Caleb got some meat on his bones his ass would be two perfect handfuls. Also, he had back dimples and Molly weak for those. He shook himself out of his thoughts and focused on taking care of Caleb. Molly heard the shower start to run and he rifled through the boxes, finding all of Caleb’s clothes. He then unrolled the blankets and watched as a fluffy tabby cat fell to the mattress. 

The cat and Molly looked at each other. It felt, to Molly, like a standoff on those old cowboy movies he had seen on television when he was in the hospital. The cat looked at him, it’s tail twitching. 

“Hi.” He said softly. 

He slowly extended a hand for the cat to sniff. The cat ran it’s nose over his fingers and then headbutted him. Molly laughed softly, petting the cat. This was the first time he could remember that he had pet a cat. It’s fur was soft and smooth and it started to purr, before jumping from Caleb’s bed over to Molly’s own. Molly watched the cat sniff around before curling into a ball on his pillow. He took the chance to strip out of his own clothing and change into sweats, leaving his shirt off and padding about barefoot. 

“Okay then. Make yourself at home.” He said to the cat. He bundled up the dirty clothing before dumping it in the hall and texting Yasha asking if she could bring them food. He could feel Yasha sighing through texts, but she agreed. He shot her a kissy emoji and set a record on to play as he waited for Caleb. He dug out a pair of sweats and an old shirt of his for Caleb to wear and he wouldn’t think about fucking Caleb as the other man wore his clothes, no he would not. 

He couldn’t think about that, he couldn’t think those thoughts about Caleb because of the Drift. He couldn’t develop a crush on his co-pilot because they needed to be professional. And Caleb had suffered so much loss already, loosing his lover and his co-pilot before and Molly couldn’t do that to him. He doubted Caleb could survive going through that a second time. He laid out the clothes on Caleb’s bed and moved to sit on his bed, with his back to the wall, and played with the cat’s tail. The tabby made a small chirping sound and rolled onto his stomach. 

Molly reached up and ran his fingers through the soft fur on his belly. He laughed softly, scratching the cat’s stomach. Then the cat bit him, and started to claw the shit out of his hand. Molly pulled his hand away and heard the bathroom door open as he swore. 

He pulled his bleeding thumb into his hand as Caleb padded out, a towel tied around his waist. He was thin and it made Molly’s heart hurt. His eyes skittered down the burns on Caleb’s ribs and chest and arm, the Drift hangover making his own side hurt in sympathy. Caleb was running a comb through his hair roughly and Molly tsk’d. Caleb turned to him and Molly just held out his arms. Caleb padded over as Molly spread his legs and Caleb settled between them. 

He sat between Molly’s legs, in his lap essentially, as Molly started to gently comb out his hair. They both knew they had to talk about their Drift. About the memories they had shared and the things they saw. Caleb knew that Molly didn’t have much to speak about and Molly knew that Caleb wouldn’t go first. So Molly spoke. 

“I can’t remember a thing up until a year ago.” He said softly. The low thrumming guitar echoed from the record player and Caleb watched the vinyl turn. “The first thing I can ever remember seeing is De Rolo looming over me with those big glasses of his.” De Rolo was the leader of the Nagasaki Shatterdome and Caleb had only heard of it. 

“I was given a file, only to tell them I couldn’t read.” Molly said, combing through Caleb’s wet hair. He watched Caleb’s back rise and fall and noticed that they were breathing in time. “Yasha taught me how.” He said. 

“Yasha was pulled from Peacock’s tech team to teach me how to be myself again.” He said. “I guess we were best friends, before.” Molly said softly. He worked the teeth of the comb through a nasty snarl at the base of Caleb’s skull. “She taught me damn near everything. She taught me how to read. How to write. How to crack a joke. How to dance.” Molly said. “She sat by my side and helped me put myself back together.” 

Caleb listened to Molly talk, basking in the presence of another. His eyes flickered shut and he rested against Molly’s strong thigh. He ran his fingers over the length of muscle under his hands, enjoying the feeling of it. 

“There’s some things that she can’t help me with.” Molly said softly. “Like what my tattoos mean. Or help me remember my parent’s faces.” His voice was laden with grief. “They’re dead, and there’s no pictures of them in my file or in my things or on my phone or anything. It’s just…” 

“Blank.” Caleb providing the word. 

“Yeah.” Molly said. “Blank.” He ran his hand over Caleb’s back, marveling at how soft his skin was. Caleb made a soft noise in the back of his throat and arched into Molly’s hand like a cat. 

They sat in a comfortable silence that was only achievable by those whose minds had become one. Molly worked through Caleb’s hair and hummed along to the music softly as Caleb reached over and ran his fingers through Frumpkin’s fur. The cat purred, and licked his sandpaper tongue over Caleb’s knuckles. 

“I didn’t know you had a cat.” Molly said softly. 

“He is not mine. Frumpkin belongs to the Shatterdome.” Caleb replied softly. 

“Caleb, you named him and he followed you here. You have a cat.” Molly said. “We have a cat.” He said, as if they were a couple. 

“I suppose you’re right.” Caleb said softly. He ran his hand over the cat’s chin and Frumpkin rested his soft chin on his human’s knuckles. “Molly, has anyone but Yasha helped you try to remember?” He asked softly. 

“No.” Molly replied. He finally got rid of the snarl at the base of his co-pilot’s skull and ran his thumb over the spot softly. He felt, more than heard Caleb’s groan and he shifted softly. He didn’t need to get hard. Not now. 

“Can I?” Caleb glanced over his shoulder. His blue eyes flickered over Molly’s face softly.

“Why?” Molly asked softly. “Why do you want to?” He asked. 

“Because you’re my co-pilot Molly.” Caleb said, as if that was all the reason he needed. 

“Yes.” Molly nodded. Caleb sat back down and settled against his legs again. 

It didn’t take long for Caleb’s hair to be detangled after that. Molly kept combing his hair though. It was a nice feeling, to take care of someone. Caleb’s eyes were shut and his body language was loose and easy and relaxed. There was a knock at the door and Caleb stiffened, his head turning toward it. 

“Easy. It’s probably Yasha.” Molly said, running hand down Caleb’s ribs. Molly climbed out from behind Caleb and opened the door. “Yasha, darling you are a godsend.” Molly took the bags from her and kissed her on the cheek. 

“You owe me for this.” She said softly. 

“And you shall have your payment, in full.” Molly said. “Now skedaddle. I need to feed my co-pilot.” He laughed. Yasha glanced over to Caleb, sitting on the bed. 

“Are you alright?” She asked him softly. He was one of Peacock’s pilots now. She had take care of him, too. 

“Ja.” Caleb said softly to the big woman. He really did like her. 

“Good. I’m glad to have you on board, Caleb. He’s been too lonely for too long.” Yasha nodded to the red head and left. Molly shut the door and headed back to his bed. There was a table and chairs nearby, but fuck it. He wanted to eat on the bed. He turned and saw Caleb with his back to him, dropping the towel as he stepped into Molly’s clothes. 

The sight of Caleb wearing his clothing went right to Molly’s dick. It stirred something dark and possessive in Molly’s soul. It made him want to pin Caleb to the wall by this throat _Cristobal’s hand on their throat a high whine escaping them as they ground into their lover’s thigh anything for friction -please Chris please-_ and Molly swallowed. He had to turn his head away at the flash of memory from the Hangover. 

“What did you get?” Caleb asked and Molly risked glancing back. Molly only a little bit taller than Caleb, but he had about thirty pounds on the man. His clothes hung from Caleb’s frame like rags on a skeleton. 

“Sit on the bed and find out.” Molly winked. He padded over and pulled the cover tight to keep crumbs from getting in his sheets. He sat down and pulled out box after box after box. He was determined that Caleb would get fed. Caleb sat down across from him as Molly pulled out a pair of chopsticks. 

Together they moved in sync and opened the boxes. It was sushi. There were some kinds that Caleb knew; California rolls and spicy tuna rolls and the like, but more that he didn’t know. Rolls that had fried shrimp and some kind of cooked fish with dark shiny sauce and rolls that were wrapped in seaweed and looked like a cone and slices of fish laid on little bits of rice and it was delicious looking. Molly also pulled out four bottles of sake. His co-pilot opened two of them, and passed one to Caleb. 

“Here’s to looking at you, kid.” Molly said, clinking his bottle against Caleb’s and looking at everywhere but Caleb’s face as he knew that he’d end up staring at his co-pilots mouth as it wrapped about the neck of the sake bottle. 

“No, no no, you have to look at me.” Caleb muttered, pulled his bottle back. “Otherwise you’ll have seven years of bad sex.” 

Molly threw back his head and laughed. “Oh Caleb darling, that’s impossible with me.” He shot Caleb a wink. 

“How would you know?” Caleb asked. “For all purposes you’re a virgin.”

“Yeah don’t remind me.” Molly grumbled. He didn’t remember taking any lovers at all. Evidence of them was there in his file; letters from his CO reprimanding him for bringing civilians into the Nagasaki Shatterdome, but he didn’t remember them. Did it count if he didn’t remember them?

“Once more.” Caleb said, holding out his bottle. “Zum wohl.” He said softly, locking eyes with Molly. Eye contact with Molly wasn’t uncomfortable as before. 

“Otsukare.” Molly replied in Japanese. He clinked his sake bottle with Caleb’s and took a sip. He managed to keep from staring at Caleb’s mouth as they drank and he felt a surge of pride at that fact. He reached out with his chopsticks and took a slice of a dragon roll, popping it in his mouth as Caleb snagged a bit of a crunchy roll. 

Caleb moaned deep in his chest and his eyes rolled back in his head. He ate is slowly, savoring the flavor and the texture of the fish on his tongue. 

“It’s good shit.” Molly grinned. “My file said that this was my favorite sushi place growing up, and they apparently have my picture on the wall.” He laughed. He took one of the hand rolls and took a bite. 

“I can see why you liked it.” Caleb said, taking a slice with the dark, shiny sauce. It was sweet and the fish was firm and cooked and he knew he’d be craving this place again. 

“I’m happy you’re eating.” Molly said softly. He took a pull from his sake and snagged a piece of the nigiri with his fingers and took a bite. He remembered the proper etiquette from living in Nagasaki. “You’re far too thin.” He said. He watched Caleb take another bit of the eel and he pushed the box with it over to his co-pilot. 

“When you’re living your worst moment every single day non-stop for six months, you really don’t feel like eating.” Caleb said softly. His appetite was returning in full force, but he forced himself to eat slowly and savor the food and not inhale it like Nott was prone to do. 

“You don’t have to talk about Cristobal if you don’t want too.” Molly said softly. 

“No, no…I need too.” Caleb said gently. He took a bite of something and regretted it. It burned his mouth and his tongue and his lips and hew chewed quickly before swallowing and coughing. Molly laughed and pulled the box closer to his own side. 

“Sorry I should have warned you.” He laughed. 

“Ashloch.” Caleb said, laughing. “I need to talk about him, if we have to Drift.” He grew serious. “I met him at the Ranger Academy. I was going to the Academy for the Jager science division, and in the early days everyone tested to see if they were compatible.” Caleb took a hand roll and slowly ate it. The seaweed was a bit of sensory experience for Caleb, but once he chewed it a bit he got used to it. “I ended up being compatible with Cristobal Santos. Born and raised in Manila. I had a crush on him the from the moment I saw him.” 

Molly remembered what Caleb remembered. Walking into the first day of compatibly testing and seeing Cristobal, with his dark hair and his dark eyes and rich brown skin and his brilliant smile and the three days of stubble on his cheeks and Caleb got hit in the face with the butt of the staff because he was too awestruck by how handsome Cristobal was. 

“I knew I loved him from the moment our minds touched for the first time.” Caleb said softly. “It only took five Drifts for us to fall into eachother’s bed.” 

It wasn’t uncommon for co-pilots who weren’t related to sleep together. It wasn’t uncommon for co-pilots to fall in love and get married. In fact, the only ones that weren’t family and hadn’t fucked (as far as Caleb knew) were Beau and Fjord, and that’s because Beau was a massive lesbian. The Drift changed your music tastes and your taste in clothes and your sense of humor but it didn’t change the fundamental bits of who you were. 

“We were never apart.” Caleb said softly. 

“Then he was taken from you.” Molly replied. He watched as tears shone in Caleb’s eyes. Before his co-pilot could wipe them away Molly reached out and ran his thumb along them, wiping them for him. 

“Ja.” Caleb whispered. He didn’t trust his voice. “I was….” He closed his eyes. 

“You loved him.” Molly said simply. Caleb nodded. He lifted his sake bottle and drained half of it in one pull. 

“He was a lucky man.” Molly said firmly. He reached out and grabbed Caleb’s neck. “He was lucky to have you. And you were lucky to have him. Cherish those memories, Caleb.” He ran his thumb along Caleb’s cheekbone gently. “Believe me.” 

Caleb nodded before picked up a piece of nigiri with his chopsticks. 

“Nope.” Molly said. He reached down and took the chopsticks. “You don’t eat nigiri with chopsticks.” He said. “You eat it with your fingers.” He let go of Caleb’s face and took the nigiri piece in his fingers. “Like this, see?” He showed his co-pilot. 

His thumb was resting on the slice of salmon with his index and middle finger on the rice. He smiled at Caleb and held it out for him. Caleb blushed softly, and went to take the fish from Molly. Molly just smiled and pulled it away gently. 

“Really Molly?” Caleb asked.

“Yes, really.” Molly said. He stuck his tongue out at Caleb and yes, Caleb saw that his tongue was pierced too. Caleb just leaned forward and opened his mouth softly. 

Molly gently fed Caleb the bit of nigiri and tried not to focus on the feeling of Caleb’s lips on his skin or the swipe of his tongue against his thumb and how that tongue would feel on the head of his cock. His sweats grew tight and his eyes flickered to Caleb’s mouth as he pulled his hand away. 

Caleb said nothing but he reached out and mimicked Molly’s hand position as he picked up a bit of tuna. He held it out for Molly and the man grinned. He opened his mouth and Caleb’s fingers passed his lips. He managed to not run his tongue over Caleb’s fingers or suck his thumb into his mouth, a fact which made Molly very proud of himself. He did, though, scrape his teeth against the pad of Caleb’s thumb. He didn’t lock eyes with Caleb, though he wanted too. He just pulled back, leaving the red-head blinking at him as a slow flush crawled down his neck. 

“You got it.” Molly said, winking at Caleb. Caleb just took another pull on his drink. Maybe getting drunk wasn’t the best idea but it was the only one he had. The record stopped and Molly stood up to flip it and Caleb took the chance to adjust his cock in the borrowed sweats. He had gotten half an erection from the feeling of Molly’s teeth against his thumb. 

Molly flipped the record over and reached into his sweats to pull his cock flush against his hip. He was hard and aching from just that brief contact with Caleb and he wanted nothing more than to kiss the sake from Caleb’s mouth as he fingered him open and nope Molly was stopping that line of thought right there. He wouldn’t think filthy thoughts about his co-pilot when Caleb could just plug himself into Peacock and then run through his mind. 

The music filled the air and Molly sat back on the bed. Caleb had pulled Frumpkin into his lap and was fending off the cat as he tried to steal bits of eel. Molly laughed and took some of the shrimp off the nigiri rice and laid out for the cat. He snagged it with a paw and started to happily eat. 

“Danke.” Caleb said softly. He glanced about Molly’s half of the room and took it in for the first time. 

Caleb’s half of the room was bare, and would be for a while. But Molly’s room was painted and heavily decorated. There were posters for bands that Caleb didn’t know and movies he had never seen and photographs of places that he had never been and there were silk cloths and tapestries and beads and candles and gems and it was overwhelming in the best kind of way. There was so much to look at that Caleb’s hand paused half way to his mouth and he only realized that he was staring when he felt sauce drip down his wrist. He swore in German and popped the roll into his mouth, then licked up his wrist. 

Molly bit his lip to keep from groaning at the sight. He quickly grabbed his drink and drained it. His head was spinning and he was getting giggly and he really wanted to tell Caleb how pretty his eyes were because goddamn he did have pretty eyes. He just took a bit of the roll that Caleb choked on and tried to take a piece. He was having trouble using his chopsticks so he tossed them aside and grabbed it with his fingers. 

Caleb watched Molly try to grab the roll and only managing it on the third time and he giggled. “Are you drunk?” He asked. 

“What about you?” Molly asked. Caleb was on his second bottle of sake. 

“Oh I know I am.” Caleb laughed again. It had been so damn long since he had laughed. 

“You have a really pretty smile.” Molly said, shoving the spicy salmon roll into his mouth. Caleb blushed and said nothing. His gaze traveled over Molly’s facial tattoos and down his neck to a scar on his chest. It was of a suit overload. He reached out and trailed his fingers over it and Molly gasped softly at the touch. 

“How did this happen?” Caleb asked. His accent was thicker when he was drunk and he rose to his knees. He ran his hand over the scars, from one line to the next, over Molly’s chest and shoulder and down his arm and over the back of his hand. 

“When Kylre had his aneurysm we were in the last legs of the fight with Ridgeback, apparently.” Molly said softly. “The thing was already dead but we were in the middle of a city. I, apparently, made sure to turn around and drag Ridgeback’s corpse halfway onto the beach before collapsing from the neural overload. That’s why my suit overheated. That’s why I have the scars.” Molly said softly. 

“I’ve watched the fight recordings. From Peacock’s harddrive and from people who filmed it on their phones.” Molly said softly. “Apparently I was freaking out about Kaiju blue in the city. So, even though I was burning alive, I took the corpse of the Kaiju that Kalry and I killed and dragged it into the ocean. I only got it about halfway in the water before I started seizing. I was credited for saving a bunch of lives that day.” Molly’s voice was soft and he was staring into the middle distance. 

“I know you feel like a fraud.” Caleb said softly. “But you are not.” He moved his hand from Molly’s hand to over his heart. He felt his co-pilot’s heart beating steadily under his touch. “You may not be able to remember who were you but you know.” He said softly. “You know in here.” He tapped Molly’s chest. “I am drunk. Am I making any sense?”

Molly nodded. He cleared the empty boxes and bottles and shoved them into the bag and kicked the bag to the floor. He could clean it up later. 

He yawned, his jaw cracking. He slid under the covers and held a hand out for Caleb. He knew that Caleb, once he had Drifted with Cristobal, had found it impossible to sleep alone. He knew that the hardest part about loosing Cristobal was that every bed, no matter what size, had felt both too big and too cold. Caleb climbed under the covers, rolling onto his stomach. He pressed close to Molly and his co-pilot’s arm slid around his ribs and he felt Molly’s body press to his side. He slid his own around Molly’s hips and he ran his fingers over Molly’s soft skin. Molly pressed his face into Caleb’s hair and kissed his temple softly. They said nothing, but quickly fell asleep. 

The bed was warm when he woke. He wasn’t hungover, thankfully. He was warm and there was a body next to his and Frumpkin was on his back and Molly’s breath was in his hair and Molly’s hand was on his chest and Caleb was entombed by Molly’s scent (Nag Champa and clean soap and cheap detergent that was used in the Shatterdome and something warm and soft and spicy that made Caleb think of Earl Gray tea)and Caleb’s body was loose and languid and his cock was hard and pressing into the sheets. Caleb whined softly under his breath, shifting his hips. He bit the pillowcase to keep from making any more noises. He hadn’t been this hard in a long time. Chris’ death had pretty much killed his sex drive but it seemed to be back with a vengeance. 

He felt Molly shift and stretch and he heard Molly’s back pop. He felt a hand run down his spine and he groaned sleepily. 

“Hey.” Molly said softly. His hand wound up under his shirt and Caleb felt his fingers run up his spine. Caleb turned his head and saw Molly, his blue hair tousled and his eyes still heavy with sleep. “Any nightmares?” Molly asked softly. 

"No.” Caleb said softly. He smiled at Molly. “No nightmares.” 

“Good.” Molly’s voice was deep and rough with sleep and it made Caleb’s cock throb. He wondered how Molly would sound when Caleb’s cock was buried to the hilt inside of him. Molly’s hand came up to cup his cheek and Caleb leaned into the touch. He glanced up and found himself wanting to kiss Molly. He wanted to press his body close, kiss him and grind against his co-pilot until they were both gasping and falling apart. 

“There’s somewhere I want to take you, today.” Caleb said instead. “I think you’ll like it. I go there for books but they have a record section that you’ll adore.” His voice was soft and rough and his accent was much thicker than Molly was used to and he found it both endearing and arousing. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Molly said. He shifted again so Caleb wouldn’t notice the tent in his sweats. 

He had woken up to Caleb, pressed against him, his body warm and soft and pliant and some part of Molly’s mind really wanted to wake him up with a blowjob. He resisted that thought, but the boner hadn’t gone away. He needed to take of himself, and soon. “I’m going to shower.” He stretched and Caleb watched his tattoo bunch and move with his muscles. He resisted the urge to reach up and trail the pads of his fingers over the flower petals softly. 

“Your clean clothes should be outside the door. Worst comes to worst you can wear my stuff again.” Molly said, knowing that seeing Caleb in a pair of his skin tight jeans would actually kill him. He survived multiple Kaiju attacks and his brain being deep fried in his own damn Jager but seeing Caleb’s ass in a pair of his skinny jeans might just do him in. 

“Gut, gut.” Caleb muttered, stretching. He burrowed further into the sheets and Molly walked into the bathroom. He shut the door and turned on the water. As soon as the water started to run he pressed his shoulders to the wall and slid his hand into his sweats, gasping as he grabbed his aching cock. 

He’d been in a perpetual state of arousal since Caleb had stepped into his clothing the night before. He was too damn wound up to bother taking his time with himself. He gasped softly as his thumb brushed over the barbell that was at the base of the head of his cock. He bit his lip as he started to leak all over his hand, a flurry of images flooding his mind. 

Thanks to the Drift he knew exactly what Caleb looked like when he came. He knew that Caleb liked being pinned down, that he liked having filthy words whispered in his ear, that he liked nails on his back and teeth on his neck and a bit of pain with his pleasure. He knew that Caleb loved getting on his knees to suck cock and he knew exactly what Caleb sounded like as he came. 

He ran the memories through his mind, Caleb’s sensations bleeding into his own. He latched onto one, of Caleb and a lover, in front of a mirror, Caleb riding his lover as he watched himself in it. Molly brought his hand up to his mouth to keep his noises to a minimum as he remembered how Caleb’s body looked, rocking his hips on his lover’s cock. He remembered how Caleb had gasped, his body tensing as he came, a low cry spilling from him. His mind supplied an image of Caleb. It wasn’t a memory; it was a fantasy. 

Caleb, on his knees. Molly, standing in front of him with a hand in Caleb’s hair as his cock was buried in his co-pilot’s mouth. In his fantasy Caleb’s tongue was playing with the piercing in his cock and he pulled out of Caleb’s warm mouth to cum all over Caleb’s face. The sight of Caleb, on his knees, his face dripping with Molly’s seed is what pushed him over the edge. Molly whined into the palm of his hand as he spilled onto the sink. 

He knees nearly gave out from the sheer wave of pleasure that crashed into him. He gasped, pulling his hand away from his cock as he writhed. His chest was heaving and his blood was pounding and Molly knew that he was well and truly and totally, utterly fucked. He sighed and stepped out of his sweats and used them to clean up his cum from the counter before stepping into the shower. 

Caleb waited until he heard the shower run. He waited for five heartbeats. Five, horrible, agonizing heartbeats. Once the five were up he slid his hand into his sweats and took his cock in hand. He turned his head into Molly’s pillow and breathed in the scent of his co-pilot. He knew that he shouldn’t be doing this. He knew that Molly would find out the moment they Drifted again. He knew that Molly would be repulsed by him; Caleb was broken and why would Molly want to fuck a broken man? 

But he couldn’t help himself. He was already leaking pre-cum all over his knuckles and writhing in the sheets. He used to take his time with himself; tease himself for hours before he reached this state. Before he reached the state of thrashing and whimpering and whinging and begging in his head for his fantasy lover to take him and not hold back. 

Is his mind, he was tied up. He was tied up and pressed into the mattress with one of Molly’s hands on his throat and the other was four fingers deep in his ass. He was begging Molly for more, for his cock, for friction, for anything other than being teased. In his mind, Molly was praising him, telling him how good he’s been and how much Molly adored him and how he would treat Caleb right and how he’d get his reward soon. In his mind, Molly bent down and licked a stripe up his cock and -

He came. Caleb gasped into the pillow, writhing on the sheets as he moaned a little too loudly. He felt himself cum all over his hands, his seed soaking into the fabric of Molly’s shirt and Molly’s sweatpants as he brought himself off to the thought of Molly sucking his cock as he lay in Molly’s bed. 

He was doomed. 

Caleb took a moment to recover, his chest heaving as his cock softened in his hand. He slowly sat up and grumbled in German. He had made a mistake, bringing himself off like this. He couldn’t do it again. He pushed himself out of bed and used the rest of the shirt to clean himself up. He had already filthied the shirt so why shouldn’t he used it? He pulled it over his head and wiped his hand clean and slowly opened the door. 

His clothing was there, along with the blankets, clean and washed. He pulled them inside and started getting dressed. It didn’t take him long to find his favorite pair of jeans and his favorite shirt. He pulled them on then frowned at how baggy they were. 

Had he really lost so much weight? He turned to the mirror hanging on his new closet door and truly looked at himself. He was pale and thin, with hollows in his cheeks and bags under his eyes that weren’t there before. His nose, always the dominating feature on his face, stood out as his beard coated his cheeks and jaw. He sighed, running a hand over his face. At least he was clean, now. Clean but good God he looked haggard. No wonder people had been worried about him. He heard the shower turn off and he quickly bundled up the dirty clothes, stained with his shame, and chucked them into the hamper in the corner. 

“Caleb, really?” Molly asked, stepping out of the shower. He had just a towel around his waist and Caleb refused to glance down his chest. 

“What?” He asked. 

“You dress like you’re eighty.” Molly whined. Caleb passed him, heading into the bathroom himself. 

“I dress just fine.” He said. 

“Caleb, you have elbow patches.” Molly pointed out. Caleb ignored him in favor of brushing his teeth. What was wrong with elbow patches, really? He washed his face and combed his hair and turned the corner to see Molly squeezing himself into a pair of pants that were just too damn tight. 

“Your dick will fall off if you wear those.” He said. “They’re too tight.” 

“Nonsense. He hasn’t fallen off yet.” Molly laid back on his bed and wriggled into his pants. He got them up his thighs before standing up and jumping up and down to get them up to his hips. 

Caleb sighed and grabbed his cardigan. He draped over his form and it hung on him like a burlap sack. He ran his hands over his ribs and heard Molly approaching him. 

“Hey, look at me Caleb.” He turned to look at Molly. Or course Molly knew what he had been thinking. His incredible eyes were thick with concern and he cupped Caleb’s cheeks. “You’re going to get better.” He pulled Caleb into a hug. Normally any kind of touch made Caleb’s skin crawl and made the gorge rise in his throat, but this was Molly. 

This was his co-pilot. His other half. Part of his own mind, part of his own soul. Molly, who would live in Caleb’s mind and soul and bones until Caleb died. 

Molly could touch him all he liked. 

“You’ll get better.” Molly said gently. He said it with the same surety of the sun rising and the Kaiju coming and Caleb reading. It was a cornerstone of Molly’s universe, apparently. He wrapped his arms around Molly and held him close. Frumpkin whined and clawed at the door, looking over his back to Caleb. 

“Let’s go.” Molly opened the door and took a few moments to pull on his boots as Caleb fussed with his clothing. 

He took a moment to grab his signature jacket. He had built this before he had lost his mind, and he didn’t know why he made it now. He didn’t know the meaning behind the patches and the pins and the studs, but he knew that in all of his press releases before he went blank he was wearing it. So New Molly wore it, because Old Molly wore it. 

Molly really hated keeping up this act, sometimes. 

They headed down and out of the Shatterdome, and Molly let Caleb lead the way to the ferry. He didn’t quite know how to get out this place without getting lost, just yet, and he didn’t want people to find him lost and alone and scared. He followed Caleb out of the winding paths and down to the little boat to join the group of people who were headed to the mainland. 

Molly grabbed Caleb and pulled him to the front of the boat and sat down, enjoying the wind in his hair as the boat pulled away. He dug out his smokes and lit one up, before relaxing into the seat. June Gloom had settled over Los Angeles and the fog was sitting on and around the bay. 

Caleb could barely see the Ferris wheel and the lights of the Santa Monica pier, nor could he see the shops that lined the streets of Venice. He couldn’t see the cliffs of the Palisades, but he knew they were there. He had made this trip a thousand times, with Cristobal. They said nothing as the boat moved, until Molly gasped. 

“Caleb, look!” He grabbed Caleb’s arm and pointed. There, by the side of the boat, was a pod of dolphins. 

Molly’s eyes went wide and he watched them, and Caleb was unable to rip his eyes from Molly’s face. There was so damn much that Molly hadn’t experienced yet, or had and forgotten about. The fact that De Rolo had kept him locked up and isolated for so long was a damn shame and it made his blood boil with rage at the man he had seen only in news clippings. Molly was somehow seeing the world with both new eyes and old ones and it made Caleb’s bones ache. 

He knew didn’t deserve someone like Molly. He knew he could never be worthy of him. He knew that he was a broken man, bitter and old before his time, and that he could never deserve someone as bright as Molly. Caleb was a creature of darkness and pain and shadow, now. He had become such. Molly was a being of the sun, of light and joy and laughter and kindness. How could Caleb ever be worth the attention of a man such as him? 

The boat bumped into the dock and the front dropped and Molly stood, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. 

“You coming?” Molly asked, stepping off the ferry and forcing Caleb to follow him. 

Thirty minuets later got them a PPDC issue car and ten more minuets got them a fast food breakfast and a coffee. Caleb was behind the wheel simply because Molly didn’t know how to drive. Or, more accurately, he couldn’t remember. Caleb drove them through the late morning traffic to the store he offered to take Molly too. He parked and they left the car. 

“Come on.” He softly, a tiny grin playing on his face. “You’ll love it.” He led Molly from the parking lot out to the front of the building and in. 

It was a massive building, at least as large as the mess hall back at the Shatterdome. It had stairs on both walls and a counter to their right as they walked in. The body of the building was music. Records and tapes and cd’s and posters and box sets and so many things that Caleb couldn’t name. The walls were plastered in posters and magazine cutouts and there, right behind the girl with the bright blue undercut, was a photo. Of Caleb and Cristobal, here in the store, together. 

The girl looked up at beamed at Caleb. “Caleb! It’s been too long!” She reached out and shook his hand in welcome. “And you….holy fuck you’re Mollymauk Tealeaf.” Her eyes went wide behind her glasses and she ripped up her sleeve to expose a tattoo. 

It was of Peacock Rising, standing proud with Nagasaki in the background There were Jagers there, on her arm. Cobalt Kraken and Forest’s Wrath and Gipsy Danger and Coyote Tango and Crimson Typhoon and Striker Eureka, all burned into her skin forever. “Dude, you’re like, a rockstar.” She said. Molly laughed and threw an arm around Caleb. 

“I’m stationed here now, so you’re gonna see a lot more of me.” He held out his hand for her to shake. 

“My name’s Amanda and I pretty much live here.” She laughed and Molly kissed the back of her hand before letting her pull her hand away. Caleb wouldn’t examine why that made him jealous. He refused to think about the way that Molly grinned at her made his heart twist. 

“No way!” She asked. “But who’s your co-pilot?” 

Molly just pulled Caleb closer and shot him a grin. There was something in his eyes that made Caleb blush and he looked away. 

“No.” Amanda said. “Holy fucking shitballs.” She gasped. 

“Yes.” Caleb said. “We Drifted for the first time yesterday.” Caleb told her. Amanda blinked before jumping up and down and whooping. 

“I’m so proud of you two!” She laughed. “I went to Cristobal’s memorial, you know.” She turned to Caleb. “I understand why you couldn’t have been there, but I miss him too.” Amanda said. “He was always so kind.” 

“He was very kind.” Caleb said, nodding. He had talked about Chris more the past two days than in the whole past six months. It didn’t hurt as much as Caleb expected. 

“You know he paid off my student loans?” Amanda said softly. 

“No, he never told me.” Caleb gasped. He moved to rest against the counter. 

“Yeah. I went to pay off some debt one day and they said that my debt was forgiven and that I could go back.” Amanda beamed at him. “I’m going back to film school because of him.” 

Caleb blinked softly and felt his eyes fill with tears. Even from beyond the grave Cristobal was finding ways to be a positive impact in others lives. Caleb put his head in his head in his hand and his shoulders shook. He felt Molly’s hands wrap around shoulders and Amanda’s wrap around his forearms. He took a few shuddering breaths and blinked the tears away. 

“I’m proud of you.” He told her softly, looking up. Amanda was crying too, her mascara running. 

“I’m proud of you too.” She said softly. “I heard rumors, of what happened. I haven’t seen you in half a year. I’m glad you’re back.” She gave his arms a squeeze as someone walked over with their stuff to purchase. 

“Come on Molly, their record section is wonderful.” Caleb guided Molly into the main part of the store, wiping his tears. Molly didn’t need Caleb’s guidance as soon as he saw the records. He made a beeline for them, taking Caleb with him. 

“Holy fuck Caleb, this place is amazing.” He said, looking around. Caleb watched him rifle through the records and pressed his hand to the small of Molly’s back. 

“I’m going to be by the books if you need me, ja?” He told Molly low into his ear. He wanted to press his lips to Molly’s neck and leave a mark. 

“Gotcha. I’ll holler if I need you.” Molly winked at him and went back to the thumbing through the records. Caleb resisted the urge to press a kiss to Molly’s cheek and he wandered over to the books. 

He loved this part of the store more than anything. He always found something delightful. A few of his favorite books were ones he had found here; a collection of Shakespeare dating from before the American Civil War, a child’s picture book with handwriting in the margins, and once he found a love letter, pressed between the pages of a copy of Pride and Prejudice. He ran his fingers lovingly over the spines of the books, feeling them under his touch. 

Caleb didn’t really have a method for finding books. He just let his mind wander and his hands roam until he felt one of the books tug at his mind, a little pull on his conscious that made him pause. He walked up and down the shelves until his fingers found an older paperback. He pulled it from the shelf and looked it over. The Song of Achilles. He read the back and it tugged at something in his soul. He already knew the story of Achilles and Patroclus. How could he not? Two lovers, warriors both, doomed to pain and misery after having a brief love that lit their world on fire. How could he pass this book up? 

“That’s a good one.” A voice to his right said. He looked up and found himself pinned by the stranger’s gaze. He was tall and handsome, with curly black hair and gray-ish blue eyes and a jaw so sharp that Caleb was sure it could be used to slice deli meat. “It’s painful, but the prose makes the pain beautiful.” 

“Thank you, for the recommendation.” Caleb said softly. He tucked the book under his arm and took half a step backward. 

“Do you come here often? I’m Josh, I frequent this place.” Josh leaned against the bookshelf, resting one arm above Caleb’s head. Caleb felt pinned and he hated it. 

“I do, yes.” He said softly. He didn’t know how to get out of this. He didn’t want to be rude but at the same time he didn’t like the look in the stranger’s eyes. 

“You know, there’s a coffee shop right next door. Can I buy you a cup of coffee and we can talk books?” Josh reached out to run his hand down Caleb’s arm and Caleb froze, unable to move away. 

“Caleb, honey, there you are.” Molly’s voice came from behind. Molly’s voice was tight with anger.

Molly had turned the corner to find Caleb, only to find his co-pilot standing stock still, like a deer in the headlights, as some rando reached out to touch him. Some stranger was reaching out to touch his Caleb. So Molly did what came first to his mind. He called out Caleb’s name and stepped close. He slid a hand over Caleb’s hip to rest on his lower belly and pressed his chest close to Caleb’s. He kissed Caleb’s cheek softly before glancing to the stranger. He didn’t bother to hide the anger in his face. 

“And who’s this?” He asked. “Hi, I’m Molly. His boyfriend.” He said, wrapping his arm around Caleb possessively. Caleb relaxed into Molly’s touch. It felt good, having Molly at his back and his hand on his belly and his breath hot in his ear. Caleb felt his jeans getting tight and he moved the book to cover himself. 

“Name’s Josh.” Josh The Tool said. 

“Good to meet you Jake.” Molly said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to my date.” He pressed a kiss to Caleb’s temple and turned him around. “Now Jack, get going.” 

“My name’s Josh.” The guy whined. 

“What ever John.” Molly shot a peace sign. “And change your pants, they’re filthy.” He turned the corner with Caleb and walked with him to the other side of the store. 

“Hey, you alright?” Molly asked, dropped his arm. He watched Josh The Tool leave the store in a huff. “He’s gone now.” He dropped his arm from Caleb’s hips and looked his co-pilot in the face. 

“Thank you, Molly.” Caleb said softly. He was shaking and he pressed his hands to the shelf of records to stop the shaking. 

“What a fucking jerk. I can still catch him if you want me to deck him.” Molly offered. 

“Nein, nein, just let him go.” Caleb muttered. 

“Are you alright?” Molly asked. He stepped closer to Caleb and ran his hand up and over Caleb’s spine. It was a good touch, grounding and solid, from someone Caleb knew and trusted. He leaned into Molly’s body heat and took a shaky breath. 

“Ja.” He said softly. “Just…this is the first time I’ve left the Shatterdome since Christobal and I got hit on the moment I was alone.” Caleb shuddered. “I am not good with people so I don’t know how to tell them no.” 

“Hey, idea.” Molly said softly. “How about we have a signal? I see you getting hit on and I come over and we have two code words: one for “please rescue me Molly you dashing Disney prince you” and the other one for “I’m enjoying this and I like flirting with them, but thank you Molly you brave warrior”?” He offered. Caleb laughed softly and glanced up into Molly’s grinning face. 

“That works, yes.” He said softly. 

“Excellent.” Molly said. 

Molly had been given a file to read when he was told he was being transferred to Los Angeles. It had been Caleb’s file. He read it cover to cover, and then once he had finished it, he read it again. He watched the Conpod recordings from Forest’s Wrath, from the training Drifts and the famous fight with Corrashi. 

He watched as Caleb and Cristobal had moved as one, keeping the spider-like Kaiju from breaking the Miracle Mile during the three hour engagement and killing the thing with Forest’s signature electrical pulse that fried her brain. He watched as they had killed a cat two Kaiju without a single human life being lost or a single dollar in damage other than to the damage to their Jager. He had watched the Conpod recording as they made history. 

The first time he saw Caleb’s face in the file he had thought that Caleb was cute. When he first watched the recordings, he thought that Caleb had a nice voice. By the end of the marathon six hour recording session, he had developed a massive crush on Caleb. When Caleb had stepped onto the mat during the first fight, his heart had skittered about in his chest.

Caleb was a ghost of the man in the file, a spectre of the man in the recordings. But as they had swung their staffs at each other, Molly saw the man that Caleb had been. He saw Caleb’s blue eyes light up with the fire he had seen before, he saw his shoulders pull back and his spine straighten and Molly knew then that his crush wasn’t going away any time soon. 

“We can figure out the words later.” Molly said. He picked up the stack of records he had found that he liked. Or, he thought he liked. Old Molly liked this kind of music, so maybe New Molly would like it too. Caleb was slowly coming back to himself, bit by bit. He wasn’t curling in on himself and slouching like he had been before. 

“Did you find things?” Caleb asked, picking up his book. 

“Yeah. They seem neat. You?” He asked, heading over to the counter. 

“Ja. The book seems good. I know the story already but it’s a new telling. So it is like a whole new story.” Caleb explained. Molly read the cover and frowned. 

“I don’t know this.” He said. “Hey, will you read it to me?” He asked. Caleb turned to him, confused. 

“Why?” He asked. “You can borrow it when I’m done.” 

“Yeah I know but I want you to read it to me.” Molly said. “I like your voice. I have from the moment I heard it. It’s a good voice.” He grinned at Caleb. The other man blushed and ducked his head, stammering a bit. 

“I-I-I-I-I guess I can, yes.” He muttered. He blushed and glanced away. He was used to a form on intimacy with his co-pilots that he didn’t have with other people, but he had never read to anyone before. It was a whole new level for him. 

“Wonderful.” Molly said. Amanda was as friendly as before as they checked out and headed out of the store. 

“So…where to next?” He asked Caleb. He lit up a smoke as he leaned against the car. 

“You know, I’m not sure.” Caleb confessed. “All I know is that I wanted to bring you here.” He moved to lean next to Molly, resting his body against the other man’s. 

“Back to the Shatterdome then?” Molly asked, slightly disappointed. 

“Do you want to go back already?” Caleb asked. 

"What else is there?” Molly asked. “Besides, I don’t like leaving the Shatterdome for too long. Beau and Fjord can’t fight and we never know when a Kaiju’s gonna show.” 

“That is true. When they are healed, I will take you around. Show you places I think you may like.” Caleb said softly. He got into the car and Molly snuffed out his smoke and climbed in. 

The trip back was uneventful, and Caleb couldn’t stop looking at Molly. He couldn’t stop running his eyes over his face or down his hands or across his shoulders or over his lips. His mind kept flitting back to his fantasy from earlier, of Molly sucking his cock. 

“Molly, I have a personal question.” Caleb said as they walked back to their room. “If you do not wish to answer you don’t have to, but it’s an itch I have.” Caleb said. 

“Alright, what is it?” Molly shouldered open their door and Frumpkin chirpped, trotting in. Caleb waited for the door to close. 

“Have you done anything sexual with anyone since you lost your memory?” He asked. He sat on his bunk and pulled off his shoes. 

“Not a person.” Molly hung up his jacket. “Apparently I was quite the good lover and going from that to basically a virgin would be noticeable. And De Rolo wanted to keep my memory loss as quiet as possible.” He sat down and undid his boots. 

“He sounds like a jackass.” Caleb muttered. 

“Yeah. But there’s nobody else you want in LOCCENT when there’s a cat two Kaiju barreling toward you.” Molly said firmly. “He’s unflappable.” 

“You should not have been locked up.” Caleb said firmly. He moved the boxes from his bed and started the process of unpacking.

He didn’t have much in the way of personal things; his clothing was minimum and the blankets were on the bed already. Most of what he unpacked was books. Caleb had all kinds of books; fiction and non fiction and paper backs and cloth bound and hard cover and children’s books and volumes of poetry in English and German and one even in Hebrew. He had read them all. 

“I understand why, though. I was a danger.” Molly said, unbuttoning his pants. 

“To whom? Yourself or his reputation?” Caleb asked. Molly had no answer. He shimmed out of his pants and jumped out down. Caleb turned just in time to see Molly bend over, showing off his ass as he peeled his pants from his legs like skin from a banana. He rose and his briefs clung to his ass in such a way that Caleb had to turn away and break his gaze. 

“He was my CO, the way Bryce is yours.” Molly said. “Ours.” He corrected himself. “Do you obey everything they tell you?” Molly asked. 

“No.” Caleb huffed. “They ordered me out of med bay only a week after Cristobal died. I refused to leave.” Caleb explained. “Where was I to go? Back to the room that we had shared? Back to the place that was still half his? Like I was still half his?” Caleb’s blood was starting to boil and he took a deep breath, refusing to ruin this day by loosing his temper. 

“So you slept in the Jager bay like some kind of homeless guy. How is that better Caleb?” Molly asked softly. “At least now you have a bed. You have a shower.” His ‘you have me’ was unspoken, but hung in the air between them like smoke. 

“Yes.” Caleb sighed. He reached into the last box and pulled out a photograph. From when he and Cristobal were on leave, and they went to Manila, to meet his family. Caleb put it resting against a stack of books, where he could still see it every night. 

“Everything alright?” Molly asked softly. Caleb looked over his shoulder and saw he had thrown on a pair of sweats. 

“Just…I miss him.” Caleb’s voice caught in his throat. “Every single moment. And the girl today, Amanda…..” Caleb blinked. “Cristobal had loved the movies. More than anything. He would donate almost all his pay to filmmakers. He loved seeing them happy and seeing their work.” The memories flooded Caleb; Chris happy and laughing and hugging people as they opened the envelopes with the donation checks in it, how his face would light up and how he would ask only to be invited to the premiere and that was all the re-payment he’d ever accept and how Caleb loved that kindness inherit in him. 

“I wish I could have known him.” Molly said truthfully. He opened up a record and set it to play. “He sounds like he was a good man.” 

“He was.” Caleb said softly. “As you said, I was lucky to have him in my life.” 

Molly watched Caleb as he moved about his side of the room, putting his things away. How foolish was he to think that he could ever have compared to Chris. 

“You know…when they assigned me to Los Angeles, they gave me a file. Yours. And and hours and hours of Conpod recordings.” Molly said. He reached into his cabinet and dug out Caleb’s file. He flicked it over to Caleb’s bed. “I read it cover to cover. It said that you have severe anxiety, compounded by self-doubt and self-image issues and that shit’s co-morbid with your Asperger’s. It told me all about your PTSD and what they called agoraphobia. It told me all about how you run from things rather than face them.”

Caleb closed his eyes, turning from Molly. He knew all about his file. Nott had gotten her little hands on a copy and had given it to him. He had read it, and then vanished into his blanket nest for three days. He knew his file said he was a coward. He didn’t need his co-pilot to tell him that as well. 

“It didn’t tell me how brave you were.” Molly said. Caleb felt his heart stop and he turned to Molly in confusion. 

“I got a glimpse of that when I watched the Corasshi battle. Three hours. Three fucking hours, non-stop. Cobalt Kraken was on leave, Cosmic Oracle was grounded, and nobody expected a cat two to hit. Beau and Fjord were in the middle of the country, and it was just you and Chris keeping Corasshi from San Diego.” Molly shifted to look at Caleb. “You kept that cat two from hitting the city. You held the Miracle Mile. When when your Jager was overheating and Kaiju blue had melted half your Conpod off, you held the Mile. You held it, and kept holding it until Matador Fury got there, and helped you kill Corasshi.” Molly was looking at Caleb like he was some kind of hero and it made Caleb’s stomach churn. 

“That’s fucking bravery.” Molly said firmly. 

“I….not really.” Caleb said. “What the records do not show you is what is happening between the Pilots. During the Drift. I was so sacred.” He turned to Molly. “I was terrified. Only Chris kept me from taking Forest and running. He was what kept me fighting. Not the people that I’d save. Not the praise that would be heaped on me. Chris.” 

Chris’ voice came back to him, echoing through the Drift memories. _“It’s alright. Just a little longer Caleb. They’ll be here soon.”_ His lover’s voice was still as strong as the day he had first heard it. 

“But you still stayed.” Molly said. “You still stayed and you fought and you won and you’re a goddamn hero.” 

“Don’t call me that!” Caleb shouted, turning to Molly. “Do not call me a hero! I’m nothing but a coward and a failure!” He took a deep breath and pressed his hands into his eyes. Caleb said nothing, letting guilt rack his soul. 

He shouldn’t have shouted at Molly. He wouldn’t have known that Caleb hated being called a hero because he wasn’t one. Heroes were good and noble people who did self sacrificing things out of the goodness of their hearts, not out of fear. Caleb wasn’t a hero. He was just a terrified asshole who wanted to be left alone. He sat on the bed and heard Molly move. He expected Molly to leave. Caleb had ruined their day by turning and snapping at Molly. He felt the mattress dip next to him and he felt Molly’s hands gently pull his own away from his face. 

“Hey, Caleb, I won’t call you a hero, alright.” Molly spoke gently. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” Caleb felt Molly’s hand on his spine, running up and down his body. His touch was nice and gentle and soothing and grounding.

“I hate it.” Caleb confessed. “I hate it. I hate the worship and the praise and everything that comes with it. I am not a brave man, Molly. I hate being called a hero because I do not deserve it.” 

“I have quite a few things I can say about that, darling, but I won’t.” Molly said. “Now, how about you get out of your grandpa clothes and into something comfortable and read to me, yes?” He asked. Caleb sighed and leaned into Molly’s body. He was so much warmer than anyone Caleb had met. He was like Caleb’s own personal sun. 

“Ja.” Caleb said. “And they are not grandpa clothes.” Caleb whined. He felt Molly’s hands on cheeks and Molly titled his head to look at him. 

“They are. But they’re cute on you.” Molly kissed his forehead and helped Caleb to his feet. “Feeling better?” He asked. 

“Yes.” Caleb said softly. He moved from Molly to grab a pair of sweats that had the PPCD logo on it. “I am sorry I shouted.” 

“It’s alright.” Molly said with a shrug. “I push and I push and I poke and I prod and sometimes I need a good shouting.” Molly moved over to the player and flipped the record. 

“No. I should never shout at you.” Caleb said. “You are my co-pilot. The right half of my head. My other half. I should never shout at you.” He pulled of the slacks and on the sweats. 

“Why Caleb Widogast, that was very nearly poetry.” Molly teased, flopping onto his bed. 

“I have some, if you’d like me to read it to you.” Caleb offered. He shrugged out of his sweater and grabbed the book. He sat down on Molly’s bed and moved the pillows about until he was resting comfortably. He expected Molly to stay where he lay, instead the other man crawled up the bed. He rested his head against Caleb’s chest, curling his arms around him, spooning him. 

“Is this alright?” He asked, looking up Caleb. 

Caleb had to fight the urge to kiss him. 

“Ja.” He said softly. He wrapped his arm around Molly and held him close. He cracked open the book and started to read. 

“My father was a king and the son of kings….” 

Caleb was about halfway through the second chapter when Molly say right up in bed. “Molly?” He asked. 

His co-pilot’s incredible eyes were trained on the record player. He scrambled over to it, staring at it. His face was slack with shock and Caleb watched. He saw Molly’s eyes close and his left fingers started moving in a way that Caleb didn’t know. He watched Molly’s mouth start to form the words. He moved, putting the book down and he reached for Molly. 

His hand hovered over Molly’s shoulder softly. He didn’t want to break the spell but at the same time fear was clutching his throat. He took the chance to watch Molly’s face. 

He was truly stunning. His cheekbones were high and strong and his jaw was sharp and his lips were full and lush and his eyelashes were stupidly long and Caleb fond himself wanting to run his thumb over them. His jaw was dusted with stubble, proving that his natural hair color was a deep, dark black. Caleb noticed that Molly had freckles along his cheekbones and over his jaw and he had moles down his neck and Caleb wanted to kiss them in turn, one after the other, as he worked his way down Molly’s neck. 

“I remember this.” Molly whispered as the song ended. “I…Caleb….” He turned to Caleb, his eyes wide. “I _remember_ this.” He laughed. He launched himself into Caleb’s arms and Caleb back onto the bed. Molly was laughing on top of him, warm and heavy and solid and Caleb wrapped his arms around Molly. 

“I remembered something, Caleb.” He said. He pulled back and kneeled, his knees resting on either side of Caleb’s hips. He was ecstatic. His face was split into a grin and he was laughing and smiling and he was just so damn beautiful he made Caleb’s heart hurt. 

“What did you remember, mine schatz?” He asked, the endearment falling from his lips. 

“I was….alone.” Molly said. “I was in what was my room. Not in Nagasaki. From before. I had a guitar on my lap and I was playing that song and singing along. I was so proud of myself for learning how to play it. It was the first….it was the first one I had ever learned.” Molly sat on Caleb’s thighs. 

“How old do you think you were?” Caleb asked. Molly reached out for him and Caleb entwined his fingers with Molly’s 

“I didn’t have any of my ink. So I was young.” He said softly. His fingers drummed along the back of Caleb’s as he started to sing: 

“Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness, ‘cause all of our moves make up for the silence. And oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase. Like I'll never be the same.” He laughed after he finished the bit. 

“You sing well.” Caleb said truthfully. His voice was a rich tenor, smooth like a good cup of coffee. 

“Thank you darling.” Molly laughed. “I gotta tell Yasha. She’ll be so proud.” He dropped their hands to his thighs. 

Caleb was suddenly very aware of the position they were in. He was on his back, in Molly’s bed, his nose full of Molly’s scent, his hands in Molly’s, with Molly straddling him, perched on his thighs. His mouth went dry and his palms went sweaty and he really really wanted to either push Molly off of him or pull the other man closer to kiss him. He wasn’t quite sure yet. He knew he would get hard if they stayed like this, though. So he sat up and shifted, Molly moving with him. 

Not quite what he had wanted, but it worked. 

“I’m proud of you, Molly.” He said softly. Molly shrugged. 

“Nothing to be proud of, really.” His voice was soft and he was nose to nose with Caleb. 

They were sharing body heat and he felt Caleb’s breath on his cheeks. He ran his thumbs over Caleb’s knuckles as he sat practically in his co-pilot’s lap. Caleb was staring at him, sky blue eyes wide as the darted over his face. He watched Caleb’s tongue dart out to wet his bottom lip and he inhaled softly. He dropped a hand and ran it along Caleb’s jaw. He traced Caleb’s jaw, his stubble scratching the pad of Molly’s thumb. 

He wanted to kiss Caleb. He wanted to kiss Caleb and know what another person’s mouth felt like against his own. He wanted to taste Caleb, to suck on his tongue and run his own over Caleb’s teeth and bite his lip and drive him wild and see what sounds Caleb would make. He bit his lip and Caleb’s eyes flickered down to his bottom lip. He wanted Caleb. He ran his thumb over Caleb’s chin and the other man inhaled sharply. 

“Caleb…” His throat was rough and his voice was deep and he felt, more than heard, Caleb shudder. 

“Ja?” He whispered. 

“Can I-” He was interrupted by a knock at their door. 

“Hey. Lunch is in the mess. You two skipped breakfast.” Yasha’s voice came from the other side of the door. 

“And I did some adjustments to Peacock’s left gauntlet that I need to tell you about!” Nott chirped as well. Caleb sighed and Molly groaned.

“Yeah hold on!” He called out. Caleb’s hands came to his hips and he moved Molly, pushing him back. Molly climbed off of Caleb and opened the door. 

The girls were dressed in their coveralls and Nott had a bit more grease on her than normal. Molly shoved his feet into his boots and didn’t bother to lace them. He grabbed his jacket and turned to Caleb. 

“You coming?” He asked. Caleb sighed, shooting Molly a smile.

“Do you have any doubt?” 

 

The rest of the day was spent Not Talking about they moment they had shared. 

About how Molly had been a wonderfully heavy weight in Caleb’s lap and how his body heat had seared Caleb’s nerves. They didn’t talk about it through lunch. They didn’t talk about it when Beau met Yasha, and dropped her lunch all over the floor. They didn’t talk about when Nott showed off how she had taken Forest’s electric gauntlet and had rigged it into Peacock’s right hand. They didn’t talk about it as they sat on the ramp, Molly feeding the sea gulls and petting the sea lions that had come to up him looking for food. They didn’t talk about it as they had dinner in the mess. They didn’t talk about it as they watched Beau tried and fail to flirt with Yasha. They didn’t talk about it as they headed back to their room. They didn’t talk about it as they sat back on the bed and Caleb continued to read. They didn’t talk about it, but Molly sat further away from Caleb. He didn’t lean into the red-head’s body, curling against him and letting his head rise and fall with Caleb’s breathing. 

If Caleb had been pressed to tell the truth, he missed it. He didn’t think about the moment when he pleasured himself in the shower, two fingers deep in his ass as he bit his lip to keep from crying out Molly’s name. Caleb ended up alone in a bed that felt too big for him, tossing and turning late into the night as he tried to find a position that didn’t make him feel so small and alone. 

“Caleb?” Molly’s voice echoed through their room. “I know you’re awake, love.” 

“Ja, Molly?” He muttered. He heard the blankets on Molly’s bed rustle and he looked over to see Molly holding his blankets open. 

“I can’t sleep knowing you’re fucking miserable.” Molly said. “Get over here.” 

Caleb said nothing. He climbed out of his bed and walked the few feet to Molly’s bed and crawled in. It was warm under the covers, and Molly’s skin was soft. He curled up next to Molly’s body rested his head against Molly’s chest. 

“Better?” Molly asked. His voice was low and Caleb felt it rumble through his chest. 

“Yes.” He reached out with his fingers and they hovered over some of Molly’s ink. 

“You can touch, if you want.” Molly said. “I don’t mind if you touch.” 

Caleb gently lowered his touch until the pads of his fingers were resting on Molly’s collarbone. He traced over a small bunch of Forget-me-nots, following the stems of the flowers as they ran into a blazing sun. He followed the sun’s rays to a crescent moon, then down Molly’s ribs to brush against the body of the peacock. He remembered how Molly had been ready to ask him something, when he was sitting on his lap and running his hands over Caleb’s face. Caleb wondered what he had been going to ask. 

“Molly…” Caleb started. “Earlier…before we were interpreted…you were going to ask me something.” He said, before he lost his nerve. “What was it?” 

“I don’t remember darling.” Molly lied. He hated to lying to Caleb, but he couldn’t tell his co-pilot the truth. He was going to ask Caleb if he could kiss him. He couldn’t tell him that. 

Caleb frowned, glancing up at Molly. Something was off, but he couldn’t figure out what. He ran his hand over Molly’s tattoos, enjoying the texture change from the tattooed skin to the unmarked skin. 

“If you say so.” He said softly. He yawned, his palm coming to rest on Molly’s chest. He felt Molly’s heartbeat, strong and steady, under his palm. He buried his face in Molly’s chest and took a deep breath, breathing in the sweet-spicy-smokey smell that was Molly. His co-pilot’s fingers came up to tangle in his hair and he sighed softly. 

“Go to sleep, Caleb. We Drift again tomorrow.” Molly pressed a soft kiss to his head. 

“Ja. Gute nacht, träum schön.” Caleb said, slipping into German as sleep claimed up. 

Molly stayed up for a little while, running his fingers over Caleb’s scalp as the other man slept. He let his eyes run over Caleb’s sleeping face. In sleep, his trauma and baggage and emotional weight was stripped away. In sleep his face was lax. The crow’s feet were gone and the worry line between his eyebrow was softened and his lips weren’t tensed in fear. He looked younger than his years. Molly watched Caleb sleep and came to the conclusion that he was in love with Caleb, and that he was well and truly fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, find me on tumblr at matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll and on twitter at Mebeshe4815. Kudos and comments feed the plot bunnies.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory is retrieved. Realizations happen. A kiss is shared.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Bryce’s voice was soft as they looked at the two men. The pilots were in their Conpodd, prepping for a new Drift. 

“Yes.” Molly said, his voice soft through his headset. 

“I want to try to help him.” Caleb said. “Nobody else can access his memories. I can. I have to try.” He sighed. “I cannot live with myself if I don’t.” He confessed. 

“Chasing the R.A.B.I.T is dangerous. I will ask again, are you two sure?” They asked. 

“Yes.” Caleb said. “It was my idea. I have to do something.” 

Molly looked toward Caleb, surprised. He hadn’t expect Caleb to become so invested in him so quickly. They had known each other for just over a week now, and had only Drifted once. 

“Thank you.” He said softly. “Really Caleb.” He ran through the pre-Drift checks. 

“I know you would do the same for me.” Caleb said simply. “Left hemisphere ready.” 

“Right hemisphere ready.” Molly replied. He held out his hand for Caleb and his co-pilot slipped his into Molly’s. 

“Initiating Neural Handshake in ten…” The little robot voice said. 

Caleb took the seconds before the handshake to take a deep breath and isolate the part of his thoughts that he wanted Molly to see. He didn’t know if it would work, but it worth a shot. He didn’t want Molly know about his growing attraction to the other man. 

He took a deep breath and remembered a moment in his childhood, of a forest that his parents took him too during their summer vacation, and how he sat in the meadow reading and how his mother took a nap in the sun. He remembered the way her hair pooled on the blanket, and the way his father looked at her like she was the most angelic being he’d ever seen. He remembered that moment of happiness as the Drift pulled him under. 

_Their father’s face as he watched their mother sleeping in the sun the sun hitting their face as Yasha walked with them in the park not far from the Nagasaki Shatterdome their feet crunching on gravel the voice rumbling low in their chest as they sang along sitting in Caleb’s lap desire pooling along Caleb’s spine as Molly ran his hand over Caleb’s jaw and the Drift steadied._

_Young Molly, sitting on his bed. A guitar in his lap as he strummed along, his fingers forming the chords. His skin was a bare, pale pink, his hair a deep rich black that was so dark it had damn near purple undertones. His voice still cracking with puberty as he sang softly, pride in every inch of his features._

_“This is what you remembered?” Caleb asked, stepping through the room. They were chasing the R.A.B.I.T but it was already helping. Molly’s childhood bedroom was decorated with band posters and movie posters and plastic Halloween decorations and there was dirty laundry piled on the floor and it smelled like a mix of teenage boy and balls. It wasn’t pleasant._

_“Yes.” Molly’s voice was soft and Caleb felt the waves of emotion from him. He was elated and confused and hurt and in awe and Caleb felt Molly’s emotions bring tears to his eyes. “Look at me. Fuck I’m skinny.” Molly laughed, wiping tears from his cheeks._

_“You look like you’re going to burn your school down.” Caleb deadpanned. He walked over to a bookshelf and started searching. He ran his hands over the knicknacks and brick-a-brack until he found a photograph. It was of Molly and a woman, in Disneyland. The Molly in the picture was maybe a few years younger than the Molly on the bed, and he had the woman’s eyes and her dark hair. She was wrapping him in a hug and kissing him on the head as they laughed as they stood in front of the castle. “Molly.” He turned and held out the picture._

_Molly stopped staring at the younger version of him and took the photo. He started to cry when he saw the picture. Caleb’s felt Molly’s wave of pure joy. “Caleb, that’s my mom.” He sniffed and wiped his cheeks. Before he could say anything the scene shifted._

_They were in a park. It was a bright summer day. The grass was green and children were laughing and young Molly was dragging a young man by the wrist into a secluded area. Caleb and his co-pilot followed the younger man and watched as he pinned the other boy to a tree. Young Molly started to sing, low and deep in the young man’s ear as his hand slowly slid up his shirt. “Molly, what are you doing?” The young man asked, groaning softly._

_“Isn’t it obvious?” Both Molly’s said in unison. Older Molly laughed as young Molly continued to speak. “I’m seducing you. Is it working?” He dragged his tongue along the young man’s jaw and he whined, grabbing young Molly’s hips. “Fuck, Molly.” Caleb looked around and saw the ocean right at the edge of the park. He didn’t see any Kaiju shelters, or signs of Yamarashi’s rampage or of Gypsy Danger’s feet as they had fought in the bay. There was no signs of Kaiju Blue from when the Jager had decapitated the beast. He didn’t see any signs at all of Kaiju. This was before 2017. This was Santa Monica, pre-Kaiju_

_“Take me back to your place, Ahn, and I will.” Young Molly kissed Ahn, running his hands up and over the young man’s chest. Ahn turned his head and captured young Molly’s mouth. He ground his hips up into his lover and low whine fell from him. “That’s it me, get it.” Older Molly cheered, beaming with pride._

_“Molly you do not need to be encouraging your younger self in acts of public debauchery.” Caleb chided softly._

_“Nah, this just means I had a boyfriend. I knew I liked both.” Molly joked. He left his younger self to make out with his boyfriend against the tree and looked around. The scene shifted again and it was another bedroom. Young Molly was naked under the covers with Ahn resting his head on Molly’s chest. Molly was singing again and they were clearly basking in post-coital bliss. A cell phone started to ring and Young Molly picked it up. “Hey mom.” Older Molly gasped and he leaned down to try to hear his mother’s voice. Her voice was a rich alto, with a strong Irish accent as she spoke to his younger self. Older Molly felt tears spring into his eyes and he covered his face as young Molly told his mom thanks for letting him know that she was working a double and that he’d make sure to eat dinner. Caleb sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hands over Molly’s shoulders._

_“Her voice is amazing.” Older Molly said softly. He leaned close and caught his mother saying that she loved him, and she’d be home soon. He buried his face in his hands as he younger self hung up the phone and smiled at his boyfriend._

They gasped as the Drift was broken. 

“Are you two alright?” Bryce asked. “You were locked in the handshake for five hours.” 

“Yes.” Molly said softly. His eyes were burning and he was shaking and his cheeks were drenched with tears and his head hurt. “I heard my mother’s voice.” He said softly. 

“Molly, I am proud of you.” Yasha said softly as the Conpod rose. Caleb gave Molly’s hand a squeeze but didn’t let it go. Their helmets were removed and they broke the locks on their feet and shoulders and they stumbled into LOCCENT together. 

“You two alright?” Beau asked. She watched as Yasha stepped forward to take the spinal cord of Molly’s suit as Caleb knelt to let Nott take his. “That was a long Handshake.” She said, her eyes flickering over Yasha’s arms. 

“Ja.” Molly said, making Caleb laugh softly. 

“It was productive.” Caleb said. “And it’s not the longest by far. The Kaidonovsky’s had a handshake for over eighteen hours.” 

“And they’re married dude.” Beau said. “You gonna marry Molly?” 

“I do not know.” Caleb said simply. The idea of wearing Molly’s ring set something in his soul, a deep part that he had considered broken and atrophied for a good long while, alight. 

“Pilots, I have news.” Bryce said. Molly and Caleb turned in sync as Yasha and Nott stripped them of their armor bit by bit. 

“What’s goin’ on?” Fjord grumbled, stepping into the room. Jester beamed when she saw him and he blushed, stumbling a bit. It was very clear to everyone in the room that the black man had a crush on her. 

“Vanity Fair called.” Bryce said. Caleb groaned. “They want an interview with our newest Pilot and all the rest of you. They will come here because they wants shots of you all together, alone, in and out of armor, and with your Jagers.” 

“Do we have to?” Caleb asked. Molly laughed. 

“Yes, Caleb.” Bryce said. “You have to.” 

“When are they goin’ to be here?” Fjord asked. 

“Three days. In time for this month’s issue.” Bryce said. “You will be the cover and the centerfold.” 

“I’ve always wanted to be a centerfold. Just never thought it’d be in Vanity Fair.” Molly joked. Beau groaned at his joke as Caleb tried not to blush. The idea of Molly posing naked was a very interesting image. 

“I hope they send a different reporter this time.” Caleb said “The last one was pushy.” 

“I’ll keep you safe.” Molly said, rolling his shoulders Yasha stripped him of the armor.

The conversation settled on the new Vanity Fair article as Molly and Caleb were stripped of their armor piece by piece. Caleb was silent as he pondered Molly’s memory loss. They changed into their regular clothes and Caleb saw Molly’s ink. An idea bloomed in his mind. He pondered it as they headed back to the room. 

“Molly,” He said as he shut the door. “I have an idea.” 

“What’s that darling?” Molly pulled his shirt over his head and threw it onto the laundry pile. 

“I think we might be able to jog your memories if we visit a tattoo parlor.” Caleb said. “On the mainland.” Molly paused, record in his hands.

“That’s…a damn good idea.” He said softly. “You know, we can go together.” He said. “Tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow?” Caleb asked. 

“Yes, I would say later today but it is late.” Molly said softly. 

“Ja. It is.” Caleb pulled his shirt off and threw it on the pile. 

He turned his back to Molly and the other man took the chance to let his gaze wander the red-head’s form. God he was beautiful. Molly wanted to kiss down Caleb’s spine, to lave his skin with his tongue and have him writhing under him. Molly bit his lip and turned his head. 

“So tomorrow we go to a shop on the mainland.” Caleb grabbed a pair of Molly’s sweats and headed into the shower. 

Molly flopped himself onto the bed and buried his face in the pillows. His mind was a mess and he couldn’t quite concentrate on a single thought. His mind flitted from Caleb’s face to Ahn’s face to his mother’s face to his mother’s voice to Caleb’s voice to the memory from the Drift, of Caleb wanting him. He sighed and rolled onto his side. He wasn’t sure if that was just him projecting his feelings onto Caleb through the drift or if Caleb really did want him. He doubted that was the case. Caleb was still in love with Cristobal. 

Caleb hadn’t shared any memories of his old co-pilot with Molly yet, and Molly doubted he ever would. Cristobal was just too damn close to Caleb’s heart for him to removed. And Molly would never want to do that. He knew he could never replace Chris. 

Ever. 

He would just have to settle for pining away for Caleb. The shower turned off and Molly slid out of his jeans and into sweats of his own as Caleb came out of the bathroom. He was combing through his hair as he sat on his bed. 

“Really?” Molly asked. Caleb made a questioning noise.

“We both know you’re gonna end up sleeping in my bed.” Molly said. “Come on.” He moved over and patted the covers. “I don’t bite.” 

“No but you do kick.” Caleb said softly. “And you talk.” 

“I do not.” Molly said, laughing. 

“Yes. You ordered Starbucks in your sleep last night.” It was endearing, really. Caleb changed into his sleep clothes and crawled into bed. Molly turned out the lights and laid down, with Caleb curling next to him. Caleb stretched out, resting his hand on Molly’s bare chest. 

“I can’t believe I heard her voice.” Molly said softly. It was easier to talk about this, in the dark. “She was Irish.” He said softly. 

“We found nothing from your father, though.” Caleb said softly. 

“In the file it states he left when I was three.” Molly said. “I don’t care about someone who would just up and leave their kid and their wife.” 

“You have a point.” Caleb said. He couldn’t imagine being estranged from his father. He wasn’t close to his father by any means, but the idea of not knowing him at all made his heart writhe in pain. 

“I had a boyfriend.” Molly said softly. He put his arm behind his head and ran his fingers over the bare skin of Caleb’s arm. 

“He seemed to care for you.” Caleb said. He didn’t think of the noise that he had heard in the Drift. Nope. It’s not like he masturbated in the shower as he replayed that noise in his head. Not at all. 

“I wonder about the others.” Molly said. “I know I had other lovers.” 

The word ‘lovers’ falling from Molly’s lips made jealousy flare hot alone Caleb’s spine. He just rested his hand on Molly’s chest. 

“We can find them, Molly.” Caleb said softly. “I know we can.” 

“What about you?” Molly said, looking down at Caleb. “Did you have any others?” 

“Before Chris, yes.” Caleb said. “I had quite a few boyfriends.” He admitted softly. 

“Well what’s your definition of quite a few?” Molly asked. There something tugging under his skin, tugging at his soul. He wanted to hold Caleb here, for as long as the other man would let him. 

“Four.” Caleb said softly. Molly snorted. 

“My dear you are delightfully tame.” He said, laughing. 

“Who said I was tame?” Caleb said. “I could have been having the wildest, kinkiest sex you’ve ever seen.” 

“I know you like being choked.” Molly said softly. He knew that from the Drift. “I know you like dirty talk.” He ran his hand up Caleb’s shoulder to rest on his neck. “I know you like being tied up.” He bent his low to brush over Caleb’s ear. “I know you like being on top.” He said. Caleb gasped and pulled away from Molly, his hands shaking. 

“I went to far, didn’t I?” Molly said, pulling his hands away. 

Caleb opened his mouth one, twice, three times, searching for the words. How was he supposed to tell Molly that’s not why he pulled away. He pulled away because his cock was throbbing in his sweats and his mouth was aching to be kissed and his hands itched to run over Molly’s skin and his soul was aching to pinned by Molly’s weight in a way that he hadn’t felt in ages. How was he to tell Molly that? 

“No…that’s…that’s not it.” He said softly. “Yes, I like all those things.” He pulled a pillow onto his lap to hide his erection. “What about you?” Caleb asked, deflecting from himself. 

“I….” Molly sat up, resting his back against the wall. “I don’t know.” He said gently. “I don’t remember.” He said. 

It hit Caleb like a ton of bricks. Molly was, essentially, a virgin. He was untouched. The realization made his mouth dry and his cock throb. Normally he wasn’t a virgin chaser; he considered it too much work. But this was Molly. His co-pilot. 

Part of Caleb really, really wanted to offer himself, right then and there. Who would be better for the first time then someone who had been in your head? The words were in his throat when he stopped. He didn’t know how Molly would react. 

“I’ve never even been kissed.” Molly said, laughing darkly. “Which is a shame because apparently I used to be a great kisser.” 

Caleb’s eyes had adjusted to the dark and he flicked his gaze to Molly’s mouth. Part of him wanted to kiss Molly. Part of him wanted to kiss him and pin him to the bed and show him exactly how it could be between two people, how good the sex can be between two Drift partners. How, when two people had shared their minds and their souls, nothing could be greater. 

“What about you?” Molly asked, already knowing the answer. “Anybody recently?” He rolled onto his stomach so Caleb wouldn’t see the half-chub he got. 

“No.” Caleb said softly. “Last time I had sex with someone was the day before Chris died.” He remembered the last time he had been with Chris. It had been slow and languid, the sweat-slick slide of their bodies against the mattress as Chris had fingered him open so slowly that Caleb had ended up begging for more with tears on his cheeks. 

“We’re both in the middle of a horrible dry spell, then.” Molly laughed. “And unless I find someone who has never heard of me I’m going to be stuck as a pseudo-virgin for a quite a while.” He rested his head on his arms and looked at Caleb. 

“I could help you.” Caleb said, before he could stop himself. His jaw clicked shut and he looked everywhere but at Molly. He felt the blush crawl over his face and and he felt Molly shift. 

“What are you suggesting?” Molly asked. His heart was hammering in his chest and he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Caleb’s mouth. He moved to kneel on the bed, watching Caleb.

“I….I would not be adverse to helping you. In the bedroom. Figuring out what you like and….getting your skills back.” Caleb stammered out. 

“Caleb…. are you sure?” Molly asked. “Because darling if you’re messing with me I don’t think I could take it.” 

He wanted Caleb. He wanted Caleb all to himself. The thought of Caleb being willing to do this for him, with him, to him, made his cock throb and his mouth run dry. 

“I am not making a joke. I am serious.” Caleb glanced up at Molly. “I heard tales of your exploits from before, and if you are supposed to be keeping up appearances it would be odd if you did not take people to bed, ja?” He explained. 

“Oh my darling.” Molly reached up and cupped Caleb’s face. “Are you sure?” He asked once more. 

“Yes Molly.” Caleb leaned into Molly’s palm. He pressed a kiss to the center of it, cupping it with his own. He took Molly’s hand and pressed kisses to his knuckles and then to the pads of his fingers. He glanced up to Molly and scraped his teeth lightly over the pad of Molly’s thumb. 

A low, strangled noise escaped Molly’s throat and he pulled Caleb in and kissed him. Molly moaned low into Caleb’s mouth and ran his hands over Caleb’s arms. He tried to kiss Caleb slowly but ended up being more teeth than lip. Caleb laughed against his mouth and pulled away. 

“Slower, meine liebste.” Caleb said against Molly’s lips. “Less teeth. Follow my lead.” He cupped Molly cheek and kissed him slowly. 

Caleb normally preferred to sub, when it came to sex. But there was something intoxicating about leading Molly. He kissed the other man slowly, running his hands up his arm. He threaded his fingers into Molly’s hair as he slowly nibbled his bottom lip. A low whine ripped out of Molly’s throat and Caleb felt the other man’s hand travel over his body. He ran his tongue over Molly’s bottom lip and he opened so sweetly for Caleb. Caleb pulled back, gasping for breath. 

“Oh.” Molly said softly. “I can see why people like this.” He laughed. He could kiss Caleb forever. 

“And this is just the start.” Caleb said softly. “We will go slowly, ja? One thing at a time?” Caleb kissed Molly again, and Molly arched into him. He wrapped his arms around Caleb as he moved closer. He pulled the pillow from Caleb’s lap and straddled him again. 

“Yes.” Molly said. “Please don’t stop kissing me.” He was drunk on this, drunk on Caleb’s lips and hands and mouth and tongue. He wrapped his leg around Caleb’s hips and held him close. 

“I won’t.” Caleb gasped out his. 

His voice was low and thick with arousal and his accent dripped from his words like honey and it sent pure want down Molly’s spine. Caleb kissed down Molly’s jaw slowly, cradling the back of his head. He laved his neck with tongue, tracing the feathers on his neck with his tongue. Molly whined, writhing in his lap. He felt Molly’s cock brush his own and Caleb groaned. His hands fell to Molly’s hips and he struggled to pin Molly still. 

“Molly, stay still.” He said softly. 

“Oh what? You’ll tie me up?” Molly teased. He ran his fingers through Caleb’s hair and tugged his head up. “I think I’d like that.” He confessed with a grin. 

“Molly, I need to be able to control myself.” Caleb said softly. “I will not rush this. I will not rush you.” 

“What if I want it rushed?” Molly said. He ground down into Caleb’s hips and the red-head moaned again, his head falling back. Molly could feel Caleb’s erection against his own and he set up a rhythm. He had no idea what he was doing but judging by Caleb’s reaction he seemed to be liking it. Molly made a yelping noise as Caleb rose and flipped Molly. 

Molly was on his back, his arms pinned above his head with Caleb bearing down on him. “Fuck.” He gasped out, trying to his arms free. “Oh God, Caleb.” He writhed, the fire in his blood burning even hotter. 

“Will you behave now, Mollymauk?” Caleb asked. 

“Yes.” Molly nodded. “Caleb, please.” He tried to kiss the other man but Caleb to moved to lay on his side, letting Molly’s wrists go. 

“We can explore that another time.” He ran his hand down Molly’s ribs and pulled him close. “I want to keep kissing you.” 

And he did so. Caleb cupped Molly’s cheeks and kissed him. Molly slid a leg over Caleb’s thighs and Caleb ran a hand up Molly’s leg. He was shaking and his cock was aching and he could feel pre-cum leaking all over himself already. 

“Yes. Yes, please Caleb.” Molly kissed him again. This time he kissed a path down Caleb’s jaw and over his neck. He sucked a mark into the soft skin under Caleb’s jaw and Caleb gasped. His hands flew to Molly’s shoulders and whined. 

“Fuck, Molly.” He ran his hand up and down Molly’s thigh and slid his hand to grip Molly’s ass. “Is this alright?” He asked. 

“Yes.” Molly said, sucking another mark into the soft skin of Caleb’s neck. He laved the mark with his tongue before sliding his hand up and under Caleb’s shirt. He ran his hand up and over Caleb’s skinny body, feeling the dusting of body hair tickle the palm of his hand as he bit Caleb’s neck softly. 

He whined, letting his head fall back. Caleb knew that he was supposed to be in charge but goddamn having Molly take the lead just felt so good. “Mollymauk.” He tugged the other man’s head up and into another kiss. 

Molly moaned into Caleb’s mouth and shifted his leg, guiding his thigh up between Caleb’s legs. Caleb gasped into the kiss and rutted into Molly’s thigh, his hand coming up to clutch at Molly’s bicep. 

“Mollymauk, are you sure you want go further?” He asked, trying to clear his head. Molly sucked on his bottom lip in a way that made Caleb’s toes curl and his hips grind into Molly’s. 

He slid his thigh between Molly’s legs and ground up into Molly’s cock. The reaction was instant: Molly cried out, his voice echoing around their room as he grabbed Caleb in a grip that would leave bruises on his hips. 

“Yes.” Molly said. “God yes. I want to see you under me, writhing on my bed as I take you apart with my hands and my mouth and my cock.” He wasn’t sure where these words were coming from, but his mouth was running away from his brain. “I want to taste you, to feel you as you cum on my cock, to know what you sound like as you scream my name for me.” 

“God, Molly yes.” Caleb swore in German and had to grab the sheets to keep from his hand from going down Molly’s sweats. “I’m close.” He gasped against Molly’s mouth. His thighs were shaking and he could taste the pleasure burning along his tongue. 

“So am I, love.” Molly dropped his head to Caleb’s shoulder and kissed his collarbone softly. Every brush of Caleb’s thigh against his cock was driving him mad with lust. The piercing in his dick was tugging in a way that made him see starts and Molly bit down on Caleb’s collarbone. 

Caleb gasped, his eyes flying open as a strangled cry ripped from his throat. He succumbed to the pleasure burning along his spine and he came, spilling into his sweats. He writhed against Molly’s hips and felt Molly kissing him. He was too lost in his own pleasure to do anything but gasp against his lover’s mouth. 

“Goddamn you’re beautiful when you cum for me.” Molly gasped out. “Fuck Caleb, you’re stunning.” He rutted down into Caleb’s thigh once, twice more. 

Molly turned his head and bit the pillow to keep from screaming as he came. He clutched Caleb’s hips and pulled him flush to his body. He gasped, the pillow falling from his mouth as he shook apart. He felt fire licking along his bones and he gave in, shaking under Caleb’s hands. 

They were both gasping for breath as they slowly came down from their shared high. 

“Holy shit.” Molly gasped, laughing slightly 

“That was…” Caleb swallowed. “Unexpected.” He rested his forehead against Molly’s and relished in how his body felt. 

Caleb had always loved sex. He loved the feeling of pleasure curling along his spine and the sensation of another’s mouth and hands on his skin. His favorite part about sex was how blissfully loose his body felt afterwards. He rolled over onto his back and stretched, his shoulders popping. 

“I….wow.” Molly rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling. “Is it always like that?” He asked Caleb softly. He turned his head and watched the other man stand up. Caleb stripped out of his sweats and padded into the bathroom. 

“No, not always. Sometimes it’s better.” Caleb said truthfully. He made sure the wash cloth was warm and wet before sitting back on their bed. He pulled down Molly’s sweats and tossed them into a corner with his own. He cleaned off Molly’s seed from his stomach as he lazed about on the bed like a lion in the sun. 

“That might actually kill me.” Molly joked. Caleb took his time taking care of Molly in the afterglow. Normally it was others who did this, but Molly was new. He was new to all of this. When he was sure that Molly was clean Caleb cleaned himself up and then flopped onto the mattress next to Molly. Molly rolled over and curled into Caleb, putting his head on his chest. 

“This alright?” Molly asked Caleb. 

“Ja.” He said. “The pressure of your body on mine is nice.” Caleb explained. “It’s calming.” It was. 

When he was younger he had a weighted blanket, a gift from a grandparent. It had been so wonderfully calming that the first time he had slept under it he managed thirteen hours of sleep. He had to give it up when he left Germany to work on the Jager program, and eventually Chris had become a substitute. But now Chris was gone, and Molly was here. 

“That was fucking amazing.” Molly said. 

“And that is just the start.” Caleb said. “There is so much more for you to explore.” He ran his fingers down Molly’s bare spine and the other man arched into his touch like a cat. 

“I need to make a list.” Molly said. “A ‘fuck-it’ list. Then we can go item by item. Cross them all off.” 

“Sounds good.” Caleb said. He reached down and tugged the covers over them both. Molly yawned and tucked his face into Caleb’s neck. It was a simple, sweet gesture that it made Caleb’s heart ache. 

He didn’t know quite what he was getting himself in to. He had never done a friends with benefits situation before, and he knew that he already had feelings for Molly. He didn’t quite know how he was going to manage them and this new-found physicality. Caleb didn’t know how this was going to end, and it scared him. He was sure this would only end in pain and tears. He took a moment to rest his head against Molly’s and feel the other man’s breath on his skin, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the slow steady heartbeat through his ribs against his hand. 

If this was going to end in agony and tears, he would enjoy it while he could.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tattoos are given. Announcements are made. Boundaries are developed.

Caleb woke up to the feeling of Molly’s mouth on his neck. He gasped softly and let his head fall back to give his lover better access. He felt Molly straddle him and run his hands over Caleb’s bare chest. 

“Guten morgen, Molly.” His voice was rough with sleep and he opened his eyes. 

“Are we getting tattoos today?” Molly asked. He took one of Caleb’s hands and brought it to his chest. 

“I was just thinking we would go to a shop, not get tattooed.” Caleb said sleepily. His spread his hand on Molly’s chest and felt the steady thumping of Molly’s heart under his palm. 

“Why not?” Molly asked. 

“It just does not seem like something that one should rush into, you know?” Caleb said. 

“If you don’t want to get one, that’s fine. But I want one.” He said. 

“Do they hurt?” Caleb asked softly. He rose up, moving his hand over the rest of Molly’s ink. 

“I don’t remember.” Molly said gently. “I’m going to find out today.” He beamed down at Caleb. 

“Well, if we are going to do that you need to let me out of bed.” Caleb pointed out. He bent his thumb and ran it over the barbell in Molly’s nipple. Molly gasped, his back arching into Caleb’s touch. 

“If you want me to let you out of bed you need to stop giving me a boner.” Molly pointed out. Caleb tugged on the barbell and a low whine fell from Molly’s throat. 

“I like keeping you like this.” Caleb muttered. “On the edge for me.” His cock twitched against Molly’s ass and the other man wriggled his hips. 

“Okay, tattoo first, sex later.” Molly climbed off the bed and padded into the bathroom. Caleb groaned as he watched Molly’s ass. Molly had a wonderful ass. He forced himself to roll out of bed and joined Molly in the bathroom. 

Molly was showering and Caleb had resist the urge to climb in and pin Molly to a wall and fuck him silly. It took all of Caleb’s significant willpower to clean himself up and get ready for the day, and not to kiss Molly, not to pin him to the bed and strip him out of those silly pants he insisted on wearing. 

Caleb managed to keep his hands to himself all throughout breakfast and the ferry ride and the issuing of the car. Beau had given them the address of the shop that had done her and Fjord’s matching tattoo, and Caleb was following the directions his phone gave him as Molly lounged in the passenger seat, tapping on his phone. 

“Alright, list is mostly made.” He said. “Wanna hear it?” 

“Of course.” Caleb said as they headed down the freeway. 

“Well, there’s the usual.” Molly said. “Blowjobs, handjobs, one of us being bent over and fucked. I also want to try eating you out. I want to try choking. And being tied up. I want to have shower sex. I want to try that sensory deprivation stuff. Like, you tie me down and blind fold me and use ice and wax and stuff.” 

Caleb’s mind provided him with the image of Molly, tied up and helpless covered in bite marks and he got so hard in his slacks he was aching. 

“I also want to try lingerie.” Molly said. “I don’t know why but the whole idea of wearing stockings and shit seems hot.” 

Caleb added stockings and a garter belt and lace panties to the Molly in his head and had to palm his cock through his pants. 

“I want to get my hair pulled. I want be called names. I want to try public or semi-public sex.” Molly saw Caleb’s erection and he reached out, running his hand up Caleb’s thigh. 

“I want to be bitten. I want to be marked. Somewhere public. So people will know who I belong too.” He reached out and palmed Caleb’s cock through his pants. Caleb reached down and pulled Molly’s hand away. 

“Not when I’m driving.” Caleb said firmly. “What else?” He threaded his hand with Molly’s and let their hands rest in Molly’s lap. 

“Shibari.” Molly said. “The Japanese rope stuff. I, apparently, have rope already in my stuff I just don’t remember how to use it.” 

“I can learn.” Caleb said softly. “Give me an internet connection and twenty minutes.” 

“That’s kinda hot.” Molly said. 

“Anything else I should be aware of?” Caleb asked as they pulled off the freeway. 

“Yeah…the cuddling was nice last night, so if we could do more that?” Molly’s voice was layered with emotion and Caleb could tell most of them. There was want and desire and happiness but underneath is all there was something that sounded like a mix of fear and despair. 

“Of course Molly.” Caleb said gently. “There are a few ground rules we have to discuss and boundaries we must set.” Caleb found a park and quickly stole it before someone else could. Parking in Los Angeles was similar to the Hunger Games, sometimes. May the odds be ever in his favor, Caleb mused. 

The shop was smaller and it had a sign on the window that read _The Laughing Wolf Tattoo Parlor_ in an elegant script. It had a big rainbow flag hanging near the front door and Caleb could see why Beau had picked this shop. 

“Let’s go.” Molly said with a grin. He kissed the back of Caleb’s hand quickly before dropping it and tumbled out of the car. Caleb couldn’t help a slow smile spread over his face at the simple gesture of Molly kissing the back of his hand. It was very sweet and it made his heart warm. Caleb climbed out of the car and headed into the shop on Molly’s heels. 

The shop was bright and clean and open, with a little room in the back that Caleb assumed was for more private places on the body that would be getting done. There were four chairs lined against one wall and others were covered in art. There was a glass case with various bits of body jewelry in it and scent of violet incense and the smell of music and the hum of the tattoos gun hit Caleb like a brick. He was very aware that he looked like someone’s mild mannered history tutor, not someone who goes to a tattoo shop. Molly, with his skin tight pants, patched jacket and visible ink on his face, fit right in. There was a young man with his shirt off, getting a tattoo from a young black woman with long dreadlocks. 

“Hi, can I help you two?” A woman asked, leaning over the low dividing wall. Her hair was bright pink and shaved down a ridge in the center of her head. 

“Hi, I’m Molly, this Caleb. We’re here to get inked.” Molly grinned. 

“He is here to get inked. I am not sure yet.” Caleb said softly. At the sound of Caleb’s voice her eyes went wide. 

“Holy shit. Honey, honey look who it is!” The young woman smiled at the other artist. The black woman looked up and beamed when she saw Caleb. She put down the gun and pulled off her gloves. 

“Hi. I’m Zoe. This is my wife Amanda. We run this place. It’s good to finally meet you Mr. Widogast.” Zoe said. Her shoulders were broad and her voice was wonderfully deep and her smile was warm and Caleb liked her. She had a calming presence about her. 

“We were in San Diego on our honeymoon when you killed Corasshi. We watched the whole thing from our hotel window.” Amanda said. “I’m sorry about Cristobal. We all were. He was a hero.” 

That’s what he boiled down to, in the end. Corasshi and Cristobal. 

“I am sorry about Chris as well.” Caleb said softly, shaking Zoe’s hand. 

“Let me finish up with this gentleman and I’ll get started on your ink. Feel free to browse, alright.” Zoe beamed at them both and pulled on a new set of gloves, sitting back on her stool. 

“What you thinking about getting?” Amanda asked, stepping into the front of the shop. Her arms were covered in classical pin-up tattoos; of curvaceous women in scantily clad clothing. They were beautiful. 

“No idea.” Molly said. Caleb started flipping through some of the books. The art was stunning; there was sirens and mermaids and three-eyed ravens and banshees and women in white and all sorts of monsters from folklore. 

Caleb had enough of monsters. 

“Hey Caleb, look.” Molly pointed. “It’s Beau and Fjord.” Sure enough, there was Beau and Fjord, standing side-by-side, showing off their matching ink. They both had a kraken, done in a shocking, clear blue. It started on the left side of Beau’s chest and the tentacles wound down her arm, ending at her wrist. It was the same for Fjord, but on his right side. 

“She pilots the left and he pilots the right.” Caleb muttered. “Clever.” He rested a hand on Molly’s hip and Molly leaned into him softly. 

“Is this bringing anything back?” He whispered into the shell of Molly’s ear. 

“A bit. It’s hard to explain right now.” Molly whispered back. He turned the back and gasped. “Oh, Caleb, look.” 

It was a phoenix, rising from the flames. The lines were crisp and clean and the colors were splashes of watercolor and Caleb could see why it caught Molly’s eye. It was a stunning piece. The bird’s wings were wide spread as it arched out of the flames, it’s neck long and elegant at it looked over it’s shoulder. It’s figure was almost feminine in shape, all curves and soft edges. 

“It’s beautiful.” Caleb said. He ran his fingers over the art. 

“Get it with me.” Molly grinned. “Fjord and Beau have matching ink. We can’t let them out-do us. Mine in blues and greens with a single red feather and yours in reds and yellows with a single blue one.” 

“On my left arm and on your right?” Caleb asked. Molly turned and pushed up Caleb’s sleeve. 

“Here.” He trailed his fingers over the skin of Caleb’s outer forearm. “For the whole world to see.” Molly shot Caleb a grin. “It’s fitting, don’t you think darling?” Molly asked. 

Caleb looked everywhere but at Molly’s face. 

“Ja.” He said softly. “It is.” He shot Molly a shy glance and had to look away. His eyes were just too damn beautiful for him to look at in public. He heard the gun shut off and he felt Molly pull away. 

“Have you guys decided on what you’d like?” Zoe asked as she rang out the guest. The guy pulled on his shirt and headed out the door. 

“Yeah. That.” Molly pointed. He told the women the color schemes they wanted as they set up the chairs. 

“So…are you Caleb’s new pilot?” Zoe asked as she rolled up to Molly. 

“Yeah.” He said, shooting Caleb a soft smile over her dread-locked head. “Yeah I am.” 

“You know, I heard about that Alaska fight you had, before Kalry had his accident…” Zoe talked on and on about the fight just outside of Anchorage and from there the conversation flowed smoothly. Caleb wasn’t even paying attention, really, as Amanda shaved his arm and prepped the stencil. He was content, listening to soft tenor of Molly’s voice. 

He knew he was getting in too deep with his emotions. He knew that allowing himself the simple pleasure of listening to his lover’s voice like this was only going to make it worse when Molly moved on. But he would allow himself this, for now. Because soon, this memory would be all he had. He felt Amanda’s gloved hand on his arm and then gasped as the needles pierced his skin. Molly reached over with his left hand and took Caleb’s right in his. 

“Sorry. Should have warned you.” Amanda said with a laugh. She pressed the trigger and went back to work. 

The feeling of the needles piercing his skin was soothing, to Caleb. The hum of the gun and the vibrations shooting up his arm and over his shoulder and neck and chest sent his mind somewhere quiet. He clenched his jaw when Amanda worked the lines and colors on the delicate bones of his wrist. He squeezed Molly’s hand softly as the pain nearly grew too be a little too much. Molly wasn’t reacting at all to the pain, and Caleb wasn’t going to bitch out just because it hurt a bit. 

In the end, the pieces were beautiful. Two mythical birds, flying towards each other when Caleb and Molly were standing next to each other. The colors schemes mimicked each other and Caleb couldn’t stop running his fingers over the lines that were marked into his skin as they were wrapped in plastic wrap. Zoe and Amanda refused payment, but Molly slipped the money into Zoe’s back pocket when she wasn’t looking. The got into the car and headed back to base. 

 

“Caleb….is that a fucking tattoo?” Beau said the moment he and Molly sat down for dinner. The session had been quite long, and they had gotten a late start in the day. 

“Yes.” Caleb said softly. “It was Molly’s idea.” He explained softly. 

“Dude I knew you were going to a shop but I thought it was for him.” She jerked her head at Molly as he sat down. “Fjord! Jester! Come get a load of Caleb’s ink!” She hollered, waving her hands about. 

Soon the table was crowded with people eyeing their new tattoos. Caleb felt panic rising in his throat and he looked around for an opening to bolt when he felt Molly’s thigh press against his own. He reached down with the hand not being oogled over and gripped the length of muscle firmly. Molly reached over and grabbed Caleb’s thigh as well, his grip a grounding presence. The panic started to fade and Caleb relaxed a bit under the attention. Then a throat clearing and the people who had gathered parted like the sea under Moses. 

“Pilots, may I see?” Bryce asked. Caleb and Molly held out their ink for their commander. 

“It’s good work.” They said. “The colors are beautiful. And the phoenix is apt. Good choice.” They shot the pilots a small smile. “Alright, back to work everyone, let them eat diner in peace.” They ordered, and the crowd dispersed. Bryce shot Caleb a nod and they left. Dinner was quiet after that. 

“It wasn’t as bad as you were expecting, was it?” Molly teased Caleb later that night. He was laying on the bed, his pants undone, his uninked arm behind his head. 

“No. I was surprised.” Caleb confessed. He changed into sweats and padded into the bathroom. He turned on the shower and then admired his new tattoo in the mirror. He pulled his shirt over his head and didn’t look at how thin he was. Molly stepped into the bathroom and placed his hands on Caleb’s hips. 

“It looks good on you.” Molly said. He pressed a gentle kiss to Caleb’s shoulder. “I wonder how you’d look with jewelry in.” Molly mused. He ran his hands up Caleb’s body and brushed his thumb over Caleb’s nipples. He gasped and let his head fall back onto Molly’s shoulder. Molly pressed kisses up Caleb’s neck and ground his length into Caleb’s sweat pants covered ass. 

“Molly, wait.” Caleb said, feeling Molly pull back a bit. His hands dropped back to his hips and Molly stopped kissing him, but he didn’t step away. “We need ground rules. And we need safewords.” He turned and Molly’s hands fell to the sink, pinning Caleb in the cage of his arms. 

“This is going to be a very stupid question, but what is a safeword?” Molly asked. 

“It is not a stupid question.” Caleb said. “It’s…a word you pick, something you normally never say while fucking.” 

“I like it when you say that.” Molly said with a low grin. He pressed kisses to Caleb’s jaw. 

“What? Fucking?” Caleb asked, a low grin spreading over his face. He could be quite playful in bed, if he was given a partner he trusted. 

“Mmmm yes.” Molly said, nipping Caleb’s earlobe. He gasped, but pushed Molly away softly. 

“Because this is new to you, I suggest we use the light system.” Caleb said. 

“Let me guess…red for stop, yellow for slow down, and green for go?” Molly laughed. 

“Exactly.” Caleb said. “Now, go do some research while I shower.” Caleb gave Molly a gentle pat on the chest. “I need you to tell me what you are not interested in, as well. Things that gross you out.” 

“Can I shower with you?” Molly asked, grinning. 

“No. I need to think and I do my thinking in the shower.” Caleb explained. 

He leaned up and kissed Molly, relishing in how quickly and eagerly Molly opened up for him. The other man whined into the kiss, cupping Caleb’s face. Molly was so responsive that Caleb felt himself growing drunk on it. Caleb broke the kiss and pushed Molly back into the bedroom. “Also bring out that rope, will you? I would like to look at it.” He then shut the door, kicking off his sweats as he did so. 

He slowly peeled off the plastic wrap and admired his tattoo as he stepped into the shower. He remembered the paper that Amanda had given him word for word, and was going to follow her instructions. He pondered what to do with Molly as he stepped under the spray. 

He really, really just wanted to go right to taking Molly apart with his hands and his mouth and bury himself to the hilt inside of him and to do it tonight. Caleb also knew that was the wrong path to take. Molly was so inexperienced in this that Caleb felt responsible for him and for his education. He hoped that Molly would remember somethings. He had remembered the chords to the song without holding a guitar, so maybe he’d remember something that was ingrained in him. Part of Caleb really, really hoped that skill was cock sucking. Something told Caleb that Molly would look really, really good on his knees. 

He refused to go down that line of thought, however. He finished his shower and dried himself off, not thinking about it. He wouldn’t think about it as he brushed his teeth. Nope. He wouldn’t. He pulled the sweats on and towel dried his hair as he stepped into the bedroom. 

Molly had a box on the foot of their bed (when had it become their bed, a part of Caleb’s mind wondered), and there was a length of bright emerald rope sitting on the covers. Molly was shuffling a deck of cards and he looked up at Caleb. 

“I like the light system.” He said. He moved the cards fluidly from one hand to the other. “I don’t remember being able to do this, but look.” He split the deck in two and shuffled them into once, the soft thwapping noise of the cards falling into place filling the room. 

Of course it would be Caleb’s luck that the muscle memory skill that Molly remembered would be card shuffling, not dick sucking. Of course. 

“Good. We can use that until we get you used to regular sex. Then we can move onto kink.” Caleb sat on the bed and watched Molly’s hands. He stopped shuffling and showed Caleb the cards. 

“I used to read tarot, apparently.” Molly spread the cards wide and let Caleb see them. “I need to re-learn the meanings.” He muttered. 

Caleb let him shuffle the cards as he picked up the rope. It was smooth under his touch and the fibers felt natural. Caleb had no idea what kind of rope it was or how to use to, but he ran his palms over it just the same. He like the smoothness of the rope on his skin and he ran a length of it over his bare arm and shuddered at the feeling. He wondered if Molly would be alright with tying him up, once they had explored a bit more. 

“The color looks good on you.” Molly said, his voice low. He had apparently been thinking the same thoughts that Caleb had. Caleb blushed, unsure of how to take the compliment. “I thought of new things I’d like to try, as well as the stuff I don’t. 

“What are things you do not wish to try?” Caleb asked, running his fingers over the rope. 

“Needles. Piss, scat, gunplay, and that thing where I call you ‘daddy’.” Molly said. “Those are just a hard no for me.” 

“Understood.” Caleb said. “And what else do you want to try?” 

“I understand if you don’t want to, but I want be cut.” Molly said. He turned to face Caleb. “I want you to use a knife on me, and then lick the blood from my skin.” 

“I do not know if I like that.” Caleb said softly. “I’ve never done anything like that, but I am not opposed. We need to figure out how to it safely.” 

“Understood.” Molly said with a grin. “And the other one is something I think you’ll like.” 

“Oh?” Caleb asked, wrapping up the rope. If it wasn’t so obvious that this was sex rope he’d ask Fjord about knots. The man had been in the Navy, after all. 

“Orgasm denial.”

Caleb paused, pure need flooding his veins at those words. That had been one of his favorite things do with past lovers. He missed the feeling of being denied, of being on edge and told what to do and how utterly intense it had been when he had finally been allowed to cum. He missed being needy and aching, plaint with want in his lover’s hands. He missed begging for it, in English or German or with his mouth or hands or body. He missed having to earn his own pleasure. His hands were shaking and he licked his lips. 

“For you or me?” Caleb asked. His voice had gone gravely with arousal. 

“I’m not sure.” Molly said. “You’re into that, aren’t you?” He asked, already knowing the answer. 

“A bit, yes.” Caleb admitted. He shifted so that Molly couldn’t see his erection. 

“You’re hard as a rock.” Molly grinned at him. Caleb licked his lips and didn’t say anything. “Knew it.” The blue-haired man grinned. “Here. Let me see your ink. We can’t have it drying out.” Molly moved toward Caleb. He reached out and took Caleb’s arm in his hands. 

“Your lines are good and clean. You won’t have a problem healing.” Molly grinned. He took some lotion from the bedside table and pumped out a dollop. He gently spread it on Caleb’s ink and Caleb sighed at the feeling. It was cooling and soft and he hadn’t been aware of how tight and dry the skin had felt. He felt the tension leaking out of his shoulders as Molly’s hands rubbed the lotion into his skin. His tattoo was starting to scab and Caleb knew he had to keep from scratching it. 

“I had an idea, Molly. Of how to start.” Caleb said softly. “I would prefer to wait until after the Vanity Fair interview. I don’t think you can keep your mouth off of my neck and I do not want to be photographed while sporting love bites.” 

“That’s how we’re starting this? By waiting?” Molly asked softly. 

“No, there is something else.” Caleb watched as the last of the lotion vanished into his skin. He put the rope away and leaned back against the wall, spreading his legs. “Here. Sit.” He padded the space between them. Molly moved to sit facing him and Caleb just reached out and turned him around. He pulled Molly back so his back was flush to Caleb’s chest. He knew that Molly could feel his erection against him and the other man wriggled, making Caleb hiss. 

“Stop being a brat.” Caleb said, nipped Molly’s jaw lightly. “Or I will have to punish you.” 

“And how are you gonna do that? Spank me?” Molly asked. “Because that sounds hot.” 

“No…” Caleb laved his tongue up Molly’s neck and spread his hand over his lover’s chest. Chris had always loved his hands, and he used to drive Chris to distraction by fiddling with things. “I’ll get you hard, and aching, and needy. I’ll have you writhing in my lap, as I tell you how to touch yourself. I’ll have my hands on your hips, pinning you tight to me, my voice heavy in your ear, and just as you beg me to let you cum I’ll have you stop.” Caleb said. “And I won’t let you cum for the rest of the night.” 

He watched Molly’s face as he spoke. He saw the flush crawl over his cheekbones and down his neck and over his collarbones. Molly’s beautiful eyes went wide with lust and Caleb could see the tent in his sweats. A low whine fell from Molly’s throat and Caleb pressed small kisses up his neck. 

“Do you like that idea, Mollymauk?” He asked. He felt Molly shiver as he said his given name. 

“Yes.” Molly swallowed. “Fuck yes I do. Not the being punished part, obviously. But being told what to do and you watching me do it?” Molly licked his lip and turned his head. “Fuck yes.” 

Caleb kissed him, tugging on the ring in his lip with his teeth. Molly kissed him back and Caleb felt him starting to turn in his arms. He grabbed Molly’s hips in a tight grip and held him fast. 

“Did I say you could turn around?” Caleb asked against Molly’s mouth. 

“No.” Molly damn near whimpered. 

“Will you behave for me?” Caleb asked. He ran his hand up Molly’s chest to tug on a barbell lightly. 

“Yes. Yes.” Molly gasped, arching into the touch. 

“Will you use the light system?” Caleb asked. “And tell me the truth when I ask you for a color?” 

“I promise.” Molly said. 

“Gut, gut.” Caleb said. “Now, I want you to get naked for me.” 

Molly pulled off his sweats so quickly they seemed to vanish into thin air. He was hard as a rock, his cock leaking already. There was a sparrow tattooed on his hip bone and another snake around his thigh and there were more circuitry scars here. His cock was long and delightfully thick and Caleb wanted it in his mouth, in his throat, in his ass. He pressed a small kiss to the soft spot behind Molly’s ear and wrapped his arms around Molly’s waist.

“Please.” Molly begged, spreading his legs. Caleb ran his hands up Molly’s thighs, scraping his nails along the soft inner skin and the man in his lap writhed. 

“So eager mine schatz.” Caleb laughed softly. “I am not going to touch you tonight. No, tonight you are going to show me how you like it.” Molly’s hand made a bee line for his cock and Caleb grabbed his wrist. “But you have to let me know when you are going to cum, and you have to obey my orders.” He said. He traced his thumb along the tender skin of Molly’s inner wrist. 

“Yes.” Molly said. “Yes, I promise.” 

“Can I get a color?” Caleb asked, bringing Molly’s wrist to his lips. He kissed along the veins until he get to the new tattoo. 

“Green.” Molly said. Caleb let his wrist go. He put his hands on Molly’s hips and his chin on Molly’s shoulder and watched. Molly wrapped his hand around his cock and a low moan fell from him His head fell back onto Caleb’s shoulders as he started to work himself. Caleb watched as Molly flicked his thumb over the head of his cock and he jumped. There was a clinking noise and Caleb lifted his head away from Molly. 

“Molly…is your cock pierced?” Caleb asked softly. Molly nodded, his hand speeding up. His feet were skittering across the sheets and his hips were bucking and his breath was turning ragged. 

“What are you thinking about, mine schatz?” Caleb asked, wondering what got Molly so worked up. 

“You.” Molly confessed. “You… you tying me up and, and keeping me on the edge as you suck my cock.” His voice was wrecked and she shuddered in Caleb’s lap. His writhing was brushing his ass against Caleb’s cock and he had to fight to hold back a moan. This was for Molly, not for him. 

“Would I be on my knees for you?” Caleb asked. Molly nodded, whining. “On my knees, your cock in my mouth as I play with that metal in your dick with my tongue? Would I be fingering you, spreading you open and getting your ready for me? Would I keep you on the edge, deny you over and over and over until you shaking and begging me to be allowed to cum?” 

“Oh fuck Caleb.” Molly gasped out, arching away from him. “Oh god I’m gonna cum.” 

Caleb reached out and took Molly’s hand off his cock. The reaction was immediate: he writhed, trying to break Caleb’s grip as he nearly sobbed in frustration. 

“Easy, schatz, easy.” Caleb muttered against his ear. “I will let you cum, I promise.” Caleb pressed kisses to Molly’s cheekbone as his lover slowly calmed down. Molly turned his head and licked his lips. 

“May I kiss you?” He asked softly. 

The fact that Molly got the hang of this so quickly made Caleb’s head swim and his cock throb. Caleb kissed Molly and the other man ran his tongue over his lips. Caleb opened his mouth for Molly and he felt Molly’s hand tangle into his hair. Caleb bit his lip and pulled away, leaving Molly gasping and shaking. 

“Color?” 

“G-green.” Molly stammered out. 

“Good. Good.” Caleb kissed Molly’s cheekbone and ran a hand down his bicep. “Touch yourself again.” He ordered. Molly did so, at a near frantic pace. “Slower, slower.” He watched as Molly’s hand fell to a nearly sedate pace. 

“God, Caleb, please.” Molly begged. 

“No, you need to learn patience.” Caleb said. Molly just whined, his hips bucking into his fist. Caleb held his hips flush against his own and Molly gasped. 

“You’re into this.” He grinned. “You kinky fuck.” Molly teased. Caleb bit Molly’s neck and jumped, his voice cracking as he moaned. 

“Do not talk back to me.” Caleb warned. His voice was low and rough and his accent was thicker and Molly nodded. 

“Yes, sir.” He said. Caleb’s cock throbbed with the use of the honorific, and he wished he was strong enough to tell Molly not to use it. He wished he was a better man. 

“Good boy.” He said into Molly’s ear. “What else do you want me to do to you?” He asked. “Do you want me to tie you up? Do you want me to bend you over and paddle you until your ass is bright red? Do you want me to finger you until you’re cumming untouched? Do you want me to take you into my throat?” 

“Fuck, Caleb, yes.” Molly nodded. His free hand came up to tangle in Caleb’s hair. Caleb could see how slick Molly’s cock was with his own pre-spend. He wanted to taste it, but that could wait for another day. 

“Faster, mien Hertz.” Caleb said. “Go on.” 

Molly did as ordered. His pace grew until it was as frantic as before, and Molly was babbling. 

“Fuck Caleb, yes.” He said, his hips bucking into his hand. “Goddamn I knew it’d be good with you, just like I imagined. God I wanna see you on your knees, your face covered in my cum. I wanna see you spread on my bed, bound in rope, as I ride you. I wanna see what you look like covered in bite marks. I want you to bend me over and fuck me in the shower. I wanna bend you over and fuck you until you’re begging me to let you cum. God, Caleb, I’m close.” Molly gasped. His hand fell from Caleb’s hair to his thigh and gripped his leg tight. 

“Do you want to cum, Molly?” Caleb asked. “Do you want to be good and cum for me?” 

“Yes!” Molly’s voice cracked as he practically sobbed. 

“Ask me.” Caleb ordered. His hand came up from Molly’s hips to tangle in his hair. He jerked Molly’s head back and the other’s broken moan echoed around their room. 

“Please, Caleb, may I cum?” He whispered. “Please, pleasepleasepleasepleasefuckplease.” He chanted, his hips working in time with his hand. 

“Ja.” Caleb gasped out, watching Molly’s face. “Yes. Cum for me.” 

Molly came damn near instantly. He arched off the bed, crying out Caleb’s name as he spilled over his hand and chest and stomach. He was writhing on the bed, his feet skittering over the sheets as he sobbed. Caleb held him as he came down from his orgasm and Caleb kissed him slowly. 

“Good. You were so good for me.” Caleb cooed softly. He let go of Molly’s hair and pulled Molly against him. He held him close, resting his head against Molly’s. “You were so good for me Molly.” He pressed small, gentle kisses along Molly’s cheekbones as the other man basked in his pleasure. 

Molly turned in his arms and kissed him. He ran his hands over Caleb’s neck and shoulders and chest and down his stomach to cup his cock through his sweats. Caleb moaned into Molly’s mouth but pulled his hand away. 

“This is not about me.” Caleb said softly. 

“I want to.” Molly said. “I want to.” He repeated, licking his lips. 

“Molly we agreed to take this slow.” Caleb said. He feel his willpower crumbling as he protested. 

“I know. But I got mine. I want to make sure you get yours.” Molly laved kisses across Caleb’s collarbones and Caleb pulled away. 

“Molly, I’m saying no.” He said. 

“Okay.” Molly said softly, pulling back. “Can I still kiss you?” He asked softly. Caleb leaned forward and kissed him. 

“You can always kiss me.” Caleb said softly. He kissed Molly gently and sweetly, burning the feeling of his lips into his memory. Caleb knew that when Molly had moved on to other people, his memory would be all he had. 

“Read to me?” Molly asked, kissing Caleb gently. 

“Always.” Caleb offered. “After we get you cleaned up, ja?” He knew from experience that cum drying on a person’s skin was never pleasant. He forced himself to stand up and grab a cloth from their bathroom. He got it wet and padded back into into the main room, only to find Molly asleep on the bed. He was on his back, his mouth open, snoring gently. 

Caleb allowed himself the luxury of looking at Molly. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently wiped his lover clean before tossing the towel somewhere else. He let his gaze wander over Molly’s body. It was easier to look him in the face when he was sleeping. He was very, very handsome. He was the kind of good-looking that you found on red carpets and run ways and on rock stages. He was the kind of handsome that turned heads and hearts. He was the kind of pretty that made Caleb weak in the knees. And he was all Caleb’s. 

For now. 

Caleb pushed that thought away. He couldn’t think maudlin thoguhts while Molly was in his bed. He ignored the throbbing in his own cock and slid next to Molly. He pulled a blanket over them both and brushed his fingers over Molly’s face. The man made a soft noise in his sleep and shifted, rolling onto his stomach. He reached out and pulled Caleb tight to him in sleep. Caleb’s heart melted at the simple gesture. He kissed Molly’s bright hair and wrapped his arms around Molly. 

He had reached for Caleb in his sleep. He was already attached to Caleb, trusting him. How on Earth could Caleb ever hope to be worthy of him? Molly was so bright and kind and open and vibrant, like a bonfire on the beach in a summer’s night. He was truly a peacock; bright and loud and content to be the center of attention when Caleb was just a little drab sparrow. 

How could he ever hope to compare?


	6. Chapter Six

Caleb hated this. He hated the crowds and the lights and the heat and the barking orders and the hands that grabbed him and doused his face in powder and worst of all he hated in the invasive questions. Thankfully, Molly was right next him and Nott was only an arm’s length away. Caleb fiddled with his sleeves as he glanced over to his co-pilot. 

Molly had gone all out for the occasion; he was wearing leather pants that looked to be sprayed on, boots that laced up to his knees, a tanktop that was more rips and holes than actual fabric, and his trademark jacket. He had died it again to a deep, royal purple and had slicked it up into a mohawk. He had also taken the care to apply a bit of eyeliner and Caleb found himself wondering how he would look with the makeup running down his cheeks after Caleb throat-fucked him. 

“Let’s get one of the all the pilots together.” The photographer said. Caleb was man-handled over to the Jaeger bay window. Caleb shuddered and pulled away from the assistant’s touch. 

“Don’t touch him.” Molly said softly. He draped an arm possessively over Caleb’s shoulders and dropped his chin on Caleb’s bony shoulder. Caleb glanced at Molly and shot him a small smile in thanks. Somewhere a camera went off. Caleb leaned into Molly’s body and took a breath. The photographer was dealing with Beau and Fjord, mostly bitching about damn tall Fjord was and how he cast a shadow no matter where he stood. 

In the end they decided to have Fjord sit on a desk and the rest of the pilots stand near him. Caleb tried to get in the back but the interviewer wanted Caleb in the front. He settled his hip on the desk and smelled Molly as he stood behind him. He smelled of incense and spices and something warm and that reminded Caleb of fresh laundry and he felt the tension leave his shoulders. Molly snaked his arm around Caleb’s neck to hold him tight. Caleb shut his eyes and leaned against his co-pilot as he heard a camera shutter snap. 

“Perfect. Let’s get these shots done while I ask the questions.” The reporter said. They had already taken the shots of them in the jump suits and the Jaeger armor, of them inside their conpods, of them on the shoulders of the Jaegers, of LOCCENT, of the Jaeger crews, of Nott and Yasha and their teams working seamlessly on their robots. This was the last phase and Caleb couldn’t wait to be done. He was low on energy and he really just wanted to curl up with Molly and read to him. 

“Alright, now that we’re all comfortable I do have questions.” The interviewer was tall and thin, in expensive clothing that cost more than Caleb made in a month. Her shoes were shiny and new and her recorder was at her elbow as she was prepped to take notes on her phone. Her brown hair was pulled into a bun at the base of her neck and her glasses here on the edge of her nose. 

“Beau, how does it feel to have Mollymauk Tealeaf stealing your spotlight?” She asked. 

Caleb zoned out and let his eyes close as the others talked. Beau and Fjord’s voices rolled over him and he felt Molly’s rumble as he laughed. Caleb smiled softly as he heard Molly joke with Beau. They had developed a relationship almost like that of siblings, and it warmed Caleb to his bones. He knew how utterly lonely Molly had been. He was glad that Molly had found a family here, on Catalina Island. 

“Molly, has Caleb’s autism made it difficult to Drift with him?” She asked. 

“Not at all.” Molly said with a grin. Caleb opened his eyes and looked at the reporter. He hadn’t been up front about his autism. He hadn’t tried to hide it, but he hadn’t been outspoken either. “If anything it’s made him easier for me to Drift with.” 

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“Well, my mind is just a fucking chaotic mess. Caleb’s isn’t. We balance each other.” Molly explained. 

“What about his PTSD?” She asked. “Has that compounded his autism at all? Is he difficult or volatile at all?” 

“You know, I don’t know why you’re asking me these things.” Molly said, tightening his grip on Caleb. Her smile gained a hard edge and she glanced toward Caleb. She hadn’t asked Caleb anything during the whole day she had been here. She had ignored him and he had been fine with that. 

“Well, Caleb, what do you think?” She asked gently. “Has your…delicate mental state made Drifting harder?” 

“No.” Caleb gently and firmly. “Chris’s death was traumatic, yes. And I will never get over his death, yes. But I am not fragile. I just think and process the world a little differently, that is all.” 

“Well, why do you think Bryce didn’t try to get you a Drift partner like you? Instead of someone normal?” She asked. 

“I beg pardon?” Caleb asked. “Perhaps the language barrier is in the way. I do not understand. What you mean by normal?” He had a sinking feeling in his chest as what she meant. 

“Well, Molly’s normal.” 

“That’s lies and slander, I don’t believe a word!” Molly laughed. There was a hardness to his voice that Caleb didn’t like. 

“Well, true.” The reporter laughed. “But you’re not like Caleb. Caleb is different, on a fundamental level. That must have an effect on your Drift, somehow.” She turned to Caleb. 

“Did Molly know you were autistic when he was assigned to you?” She asked. “Did Molly care? How has your condition made Dirfting difficult? Has it made it easier?” 

Caleb curled in on himself as her voice continued to berate him. 

“Why have you not spoken out about your autism?” 

He opened his mouth to answer and his voice caught in his throat. His hands were shaking as his gaze went into the middle distance and he knew he couldn’t answer. He knew that no matter what no words would form. He knew had to answer, he had to speak, he had to say something to defend himself, but his voice was refusing to answer his commands. 

“How has your disability affected your life?” She asked. 

Caleb flinched at the word. He hated it. Disability, and it’s bastard sister, disabled. Those words had haunted his childhood and he thought that joining the PPDC would have freed him from their clawing grasp. 

He was wrong. 

He curled his hands into fists and shut his eyes. 

“Why won’t you answer me?” She asked. “Do you not think that autistic children deserve a hero? That they deserve someone to look up? Don’t you think that someone like you, a Jaeger pilot for the ages, could do so much good in this world if he spoke up?” Her voice was sharp with anger and Caleb hung his head. “How can you justify attempting to defend the whole world from monsters when you’re not even brave enough to answer a few questions?”

“Enough!” Molly barked. “We’re done. We’re fucking done.” He stood up and put his body between Caleb’s gaze and the woman’s. “Come on darling, let’s go.” He took Caleb’s hands and left the room. Fjord and Beau followed him, the latter shooting the woman a rude hand gesture. 

Molly led them out of LOCCENT and down into the halls of the Shatterdome. As soon as they were somewhere quiet he turned and wrapped Caleb in his arms. 

“Hey, I’m here.” He said, carding his fingers through Caleb’s hair. “It’s alright. I’m here.” 

Caleb was shaking like a dog on the fourth of July and he buried his face in Molly’s shirt. He hated when this happened. He hated how his voice wouldn’t respond to his commands, how he felt like an alien in his own skin, how he felt tiny and small and weak. 

“Caleb, you alright?” Fjord’s deep rumble came from behind him. 

“Dude, the fuck is her problem?” Beau said. There was a scrambling noise down the hall and Caleb felt Nott crash into them. She wrapped her arms around Caleb and buried his face in his stomach. 

“Caleb are you alright?” She asked. 

“That woman is being escorted from the Shatterdome.” Yasha said gently. She stepped up behind Beau and put a gentle hand on her hip. 

“Bryce was pissed. I’ve never seen them that angry!” Jester’s voice echoed down the hall as she skipped closer. “They’re throwing all of those people out! They’re on the phone with editor! It’s going to be wonderful!” She skipped about in a circle. Caleb lifted his head and ran a hand over Nott’s hair. 

“Are you alright?” She asked. He shook his head, unable to speak still. 

“Would you like to go back to our room?” Molly asked him gently. His hand was on the back of Caleb’s neck and he nodded. “Alright. We’ll go.” He said. 

“I’ll make sure lunch is brought up.” Nott said. “Caleb, the package your ordered is in your room.” She said. Caleb ruffled her hair in thanks. She smiled up at him. 

“Package?” Molly raised an eyebrow at Caleb. “I’ll guess we’ll find out when we get there.” He took Caleb’s hands in his own and left the little group. They didn’t speak as Molly led them to their room and shut the door. Frumpkin jumped up from the window sill he was sitting on and rubbed against Caleb’s shins. He picked up the cat and the kitty purred, rubbing against his jaw and licking his stubbled cheeks. 

There was a very large package on the spare bed and Molly was itching to open it. But it could wait until Caleb was settled. He put a gentle hand on Caleb’s back and kissed his hair softly. 

“Hey, I want you to get out of your shoes and into some comfortable clothing, okay?” Molly said. He kissed Caleb’s cheek gently. “I gotta get out of these clothes.” It would take him a hot minute to get out of the knee-high boots and the leather pants, but that was a price Molly was willing to pay for fashion. He slid out of his jacket and hung it up as he sat on the bed and undid his boots eyelet by eyelet. 

He glanced at the package and saw his name on it along with the Amazon logo. He didn’t order anything from Amazon. Why did the thing have his name on it? He pondered the mystery of the package as he undid his boots and finally got his feet out of them. He stood and peeled his pants down like a banana peel and slid into sweats. He turned around to see Caleb in comfortable clothing on the bed, with Molly’s jacket wrapped around his shoulders. 

He looked small, sitting on their bed in Molly’s brightly colored jacket. He was hunched in on himself, rubbing his cat behind the ear absentmindedly. 

“Hey, you want to wear my jack for a bit?” Molly asked. He padded over to the table and grabbed the book they were reading. Caleb nodded a bit and tightened his grip on the old denim. 

“Of course darling.” Molly said. He sat on the bed and moved the pillows around to make it more comfortable. As soon as he laid back he opened his arms and Caleb crawled into them, tucking his face in the crook of Molly’s neck. 

“Hey, I got you.” Molly wrapped his arms around his co-pilot and held him close. He kissed the top of Caleb’s hair again and felt Caleb grab his hand. He threaded his fingers with Caleb’s as he opened the book to where they had left off. 

They stayed like that, for a good long while. Molly’s voice washed over Caleb and eased the knot in his throat. It was safe, here in their bed tangled up in Molly’s arms. Molly’s scent was wafting from the jacket around his shoulders and the pressure of Molly’s body on his own was calming. Caleb felt safe here, in Molly’s arms. He was calming down and he slowly felt his voice returning. 

“I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me,” Molly read. “If I had had words to speak such a thing, I would have. But there were none that seemed big enough for it, to hold that swelling truth. As if he had heard me, he reached for my hand. I did not need to look; his fingers were etched into my memory, slender and petal-veined, strong and quick and never wrong. “Patroclus,” he said. He was always better with words than I.” His voice drifted off and Molly swallowed. He felt tears fill his eyes and he sniffed. He dropped the book onto his thigh and wrapped his arms around Caleb, burying his face in his hair. 

“Molly?” Caleb asked softly. “Are you alright?” His voice was back and the soft German tenor was music to Molly’s ears. 

“Just bein’ silly.” His mother’s accent bled into his own voice, coloring it with Irish. “Don’ mind me, love.” He muttered. 

How was he to tell Caleb that the paragraph resonated with him in a way that he couldn’t explain? How was he to say that the words on the page plucked a chord in a soul like he hadn’t felt? How was he to tell Caleb that he loved him? 

“You know I’d do anything for you, right?” He asked Caleb softly. “Anything you want, anything you need, all you have to do is ask.” He kissed Caleb’s temple gently. “I’d bring you the moon if you wanted it.” 

“Molly, where’s this coming from?” Caleb’s free hand splayed over Molly’s chest, feeling the beating of his heart under his palm. 

“I just want you to know that.” Molly said. “I need to make sure you know that.” 

“I know, Molly. I know.” Caleb said. He pulled back a bit and kissed the corner of Molly’s mouth. Molly cupped the back of Caleb’s head and kissed him. It was slow, sweet, gentle kiss, and Molly tried to tell Caleb through it that he loved him. 

“I’m glad you’re speaking again.” Molly said. He took the book and tucked the bookmark back in, knowing that dog-earing pages made Caleb see red. 

“I haven’t gone nonverbal like that in years.” He said softly. He sighed, sitting up. He ran his hands over his face and shook his head. 

“What happened Caleb?” Molly asked. 

“I panicked. She was asking so many intrusive questions that I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what she wanted to hear. My mind was giving me so many options to say that I couldn’t speak.” Caleb explained. His voice was soft and quiet and Molly reached out and ran a hand down his back. 

“She was wrong.” Molly said firmly. “She was in the wrong. She shouldn’t have ambushed you like that.” 

“She has a point, though.” Caleb pulled his hands away from his face and stared at them. “I have a unique position. I am a Jaeger pilot. I am….” He grimaced. “I am a hero.” The word was spat from his lips like a cherry pit. “And there are countless others like me. Like…” He sighed, unable to form the word ‘freak’, knowing how Molly would react. “I know how much it would have meant to me, growing up, to see someone like me doing what I do.” Caleb explained. “To see someone with the same issues that I deal with, being a…” 

“A hero.” Molly supplied. 

“Ja.” Caleb looked over his shoulder at his lover. “She has a point, you know. She was rude and terrible and belligerent and horrid, but she had a point.” 

“I love it when you use big words.” Molly grinned. Caleb rolled his eyes at Molly. 

“What do you plan to do, darling?” Molly asked. He stretched on the bed, one arm behind his head and the other traveling up and down Caleb’s spine. 

“I have an idea.” Caleb said. “I need to speak to someone reputable. A reporter with a reputation for honesty and good work. I haven’t been open. I need…I need to be.” He turned and ran his hand over Molly’s thigh, feeling the strong muscle under his palms. He took Molly’s hand and ran his eyes over the new tattoo. Both of their tattoos were starting to scab over and Caleb let his fingers brush the edge of a feather on Molly’s arm. 

“You think that’s wise?” Molly asked gently. He let his gaze wander over Caleb’s face. He looked older, now. There was a weight in his eyes and on his shoulders that hadn’t been there before and Molly wanted to find that reporter and deck her. 

“I don’t know.” Caleb confessed. “But it has to be done. I have a responsibly that I have been neglecting. It has to be done but… I’m scared to.” He confessed. 

“I’ll be there.” Molly said. He hand fell to Caleb’s thigh and he laughed at the look on Caleb’s face. He looked surprised, like he hadn’t expected Molly to want to take care of Caleb in such a way. “What, do you really expect me to let you throw yourselves to the wolves without me there? Come on darling, you know me better than that.” He grinned. 

Caleb smiled at Molly softly and kissed the other man. He tugged on the ring in Molly’s full lower lip gently with his teeth before pulling back. “Thank you, Molly.” He muttered against the other’s lips. 

“Like I said; anything for you.” Molly looked up at him. He was looking at Caleb like the other man was a masterpiece of a painting and he was seeing it for the first time. His were alight with something akin to love and worship and it made Caleb’s heart ache. 

“The package is for you.” Caleb said. “Go. I got it for you.” He sat back and gestured to the box on what used to be his bed. Molly grinned like a kid on Christmas and rolled off the bed. He ripped open the cardboard with his bare hands and felt his mouth drop. He reached into the box and opened it, and slid the packaging out. He ripped the styrofoam open and sitting there in the white material was a brand new acoustic guitar. 

“Caleb…” He turned around, grinning. 

“I noticed when you remembered the other night your fingers were forming chords. I thought that you might be able to remember more if you had a guitar to play.” Caleb explained. 

Molly closed the distance between them and cupped Caleb’s cheeks in both hands before pulling him into a deep kiss. He tangled his fingers in Caleb’s hair and pulled him close, licking into his lover’s mouth. Caleb whined and spread his legs for Molly, and the other man stepped into them. Caleb wrapped his arms around Molly’s hips and the other man stepped back. 

“You are wonderful.” Molly said with a laugh. He kissed down Caleb’s jaw and nibbled at his earlobe gently. “Let me thank you properly, darling.” He pressed a kiss to the soft spot behind Caleb’s ear and dropped to his knees. He ran his hands up Caleb’s thighs and saw his cock twitch in his sweats. 

“You don’t have, Molly.” Caleb said. He wanted this, though. Despite his words he wanted Molly’s mouth on his cock. Just the thought made his cock twitch again and start tenting the fabric of his sweats. 

“I know. But I want to.” Molly pressed a kiss to the inside of Caleb’s thigh and dragged his teeth over the cotton. “Please, Caleb?” He asked. He looked up at Caleb and caught his eyes. “I want to. I want to suck your cock.” 

The sight of Molly on his knees was making his blood boil already but those words pouring from those lips of his made Caleb shudder. “Fuck, Molly.” He reached out and threaded his fingers through Molly’s purple hair. 

“Is that a yes?” Molly asked. 

“Color. Give me a color.” Caleb said, running his hand through Molly’s hair. 

“Green. Please, Caleb. I want to suck your cock. Can I?” 

“Ja.” Caleb gasped out. “You’ll…you’ll have to listen to me, though.” 

“Well this is my first time sucking cock so I may be a little messy.” Molly winked and slowly peeled back the fabric from Caleb’s hips and down his legs. Caleb pulled one leg free as Molly pulled the pants down his other leg. They ended up tossed somewhere as Caleb leaned back to give Molly access to his cock. 

“God, your cock is beautiful.” Molly ran his hands up Caleb’s skinny legs and peppered the inside of his thighs with kisses. “I want that inside of me, and soon.” Molly said. Caleb bit his lip and writhed under Molly’s touch. 

“Do you want that?” Molly asked, inching closer. “Do you want me riding you, your hands on my hips as you’re balls deep in me as I bounce on your cock? Or do you want me bent over, your hands in my hair as you fuck me until I’m screaming?” He sucked a mark into the soft skin of Caleb’s inner thigh as his lover whimpered. 

“God, yes.” He gasped out. Molly was face to face with his length and gently took it in his grasp. “Oh fuck.” Caleb gasped. His toes curled at the touch and he ran his hand over Molly’s hair. 

Molly ran his hand up Caleb’s cock gently, watching his lover’s face and body for reactions. He flicked his thumb against the underside of the head and Caleb jumped. He moaned in his chest and nodded. 

“Ja..that’s sensitive.” He explained. Molly pressed a gentle kiss to the same spot and Caleb bit his lip. “Fuck.” 

Molly laved the spot with his tongue and slowly swirled is around the tip. The texture wasn’t anything like he had experienced, and the taste was different too. It was salty and musky and there was something that was purely Caleb on his tongue and Molly found that he loved it. He lowered his head slowly and Caleb gasped. 

“Mind your teeth.” He stammered out. His voice was gravel and sandpaper and he sounded wrecked. “Lips over them.” 

Molly pulled back and did what Caleb said and put his mouth back on his lover’s cock. Caleb gasped and gently tangled his fingers in Molly’s hair. The piercing in his bottom lip ran down his shaft and then he felt the stud in Molly’s tongue flicker against the sensitive head of his cock. 

“Fuck.” He gasped out, falling back. “Oh God, Mollymauk.” He was shaking already at the feeling of Molly’s tongue on him. His lover worked his way down his length and the slid back up, hollowing out his cheeks on instinct. 

“Oh fuck you’re good at this.” Caleb gasped. “Don’t stop.” He reached down with both hands to tangle in Molly’s hair. “Don’t stop, Mollymauk, fuck.” He buried his face in the collar of Molly’s jacket and took a deep breath of Molly’s smell that clung to the fabric. 

Molly was good at this. Caleb wasn’t sure how he was so good at this, he assumed it was muscle memory. He was writhing under Molly’s lips and tongue and mouth, gasping and babbling in German. He felt one of Molly’s hands slink up under his shirt to brush over a nipple and Caleb’s hips jerked up as he tightened his grip on Molly’s hair. He heard and felt Molly gag and he pulled back, sitting up in shock. 

“Molly, are you alright?” He asked, gasping as he looked down. 

“Fuck yes.” Molly had one hand in his sweats, working himself. “Do that again. Pull my hair again.” He begged. “Please?” 

“Color.” Caleb demanded, not moving. He wanted to bury his cock to the hilt in Molly’s throat, but ignored his instincts. 

“Green. Big bright green. Do that again. Caleb, please, pull my hair and fuck me face.” Molly begged. 

Caleb groaned and felt his eyes flutter shut. “ You will be the death of me, Mollymauk.” He felt Molly gasp at the use of his full name. 

“Call me that again.” He rested his head against Caleb’s thigh and fucked his fist faster. “Please.” 

“You enjoy this, don’t you Mollymauk.” Caleb asked. He wasn’t normally very good at dirty talk, but he wanted to try for Molly. “You like me using you, you little slut.” 

Molly gave a visible shudder at the word as a whimper fell from his throat. “Yes. Yes I do.” 

“Hand off your cock, Mollymauk.” Caleb ordered. “You only get pleasure when I say you can.” Molly’s hand came out of his sweats and his palm was shiny with his pre-spend. Caleb slid his leg between Molly’s so his shin was against his cock. 

“Please, Caleb, please.” Molly whimpered. 

“If you put your mouth back on my cock I may just let you cum tonight.” Caleb said. Molly didn’t need to be told twice. He put his mouth back on Caleb’s cock and set up a rhythm. 

Before long his eyes were closed as he bobbed up and down on Caleb’s cock. His hair was being pulled and fire was running over his skin and his hands were shaking and he was grinding against Caleb’s leg as Caleb fucked his mouth and his tears were running down his face and there was drool on his chin and neck and he was in heaven. 

“Mollymauk, look at you.” Caleb gasped out. “So eager and so needy for anything I can give you. You’re such a slut for me, rutting against my leg like a bitch in heat.” Molly whined and pulled off Caleb’s cock for breath. 

“Please, Caleb.” He sobbed. “God please, can I cum?” He begged, looking up at Caleb. 

Molly looked wrecked. His eyeliner was running down his cheeks and his lips were red and swollen and his voice was rough as drool ran from his mouth down his chin. Caleb reached down to wipe his chin clean and trace his thumb over Molly’s mouth. His lover swiped his tongue over the pad of Caleb’s thumb and sucked it into his mouth. He ran his teeth over it and looked up at Caleb. 

“Not until I have.” Caleb ordered. He pulled his hand away from Molly’s mouth and guided his lover back to his cock. Molly didn’t need any encouragement as he sucked Caleb’s cock back into his mouth. 

“Yes.” Caleb hissed out. He was getting close. He could feel it in the way his thighs were shaking and how his breath was catching in his throat and how the pressure was building in his blood. 

“Mollymauk I’m close.” He warned. He loosened his grip to give the other man warning and Molly just flicked his tongue stud across the slit of his cock. Caleb gasped and gave in to the pleasure, his lover’s name ripped from his throat. Molly, to his credit, swallowed as much as he could. He gagged at the taste and bit of Caleb’s cum fell from the corner of his mouth. He pulled back, gasping for breath. 

“Fuck.” Caleb forced his eyes open. “Mollymauk…” He reached down and wiped his cum from Molly’s chin. His lover turned his head and licked it from Caleb’s finger. 

“Get up here.” Caleb ordered. Molly climbed into Caleb’s lap and Caleb kissed him. He twisted them both until Molly fell back onto the bed. He licked the taste of himself from Molly’s mouth as he cupped his cock through the sweats. 

“Oh fuck, Caleb!” Molly’s hands came to Caleb’s shoulders and held him close. “Oh God.” He sobbed. “Pleasepleasepleaseplease let me cum.” He begged. Caleb kissed down Molly’s neck and sucked a dark mark into his pale skin that left Molly writhing under him. He slid his hand into Molly’s sweats and cupped his cock. 

Sure enough, there was a stud under his thumb, right at the base of the head, and he ran his thumb over it. Molly reacted like he had been burned, gasping and arching off the bed. Caleb kissed him again before sliding down his lover’s body. He pulled the sweats back with both hands and laved the stud with his tongue. He ran his tongue over it once more before sucking the head of Molly’s cock into his mouth. 

“Oh fuck, oh God, Caleb don’t stop.” Molly was babbling, writhing on the bed under Caleb’s mouth. “So good, holy fuck, oh God yes, yes please yes.” He bucked into Caleb’s mouth and his lover rolled with it. One of his hands was tangled in Caleb’s hair as the other gripped his pillow tight. 

“Oh god, I’m close. Caleb, please let me cum. I’ve been good. Please, I need it.” Molly’s voice cracked as he sobbed and pleaded. “I’ve been good. I need it, I need to cum, please oh _God_.” 

Caleb pulled back from his cock and worked it with his hand. 

“Yes, Mollymauk. Cum for me.” He ordered. 

He barely had time to lower his mouth before Molly was arching off the bed, damn near screaming his pleasure. Caleb felt Molly’s seed land on his tongue and his cheekbone and his lips and his chin as he watched Molly in the throws of pleasure. He worked his lover through his own orgasm and pressed tiny kisses to Molly’s skin. 

Molly slowly came down from his high as Caleb pulled his sweats off. He opened his eyes and saw Caleb, kneeling in between his legs, his face covered in his cum. 

“I knew you’d look good with a pearl necklace.” Molly said softly. Caleb glanced at him before blushing. 

“Caleb, darling, you just had my cock in your mouth, you don’t have to blush.” Molly laughed. He watched as Caleb cleaned his face up with the sweats before crawling up and wiping Molly’s cheeks. His eyeliner had run down his cheeks as Caleb had fucked his face earlier. 

“You, naked, wearing my jacket is a sight to behold.” Molly confessed. “I want you to ride me while you wear it.” He said. 

“You’re delirious.” Caleb said. He flopped down on the bed, curling into Molly’s body. 

“Only a little bit.” More like deliriously in love, but he didn’t say a thing. 

“Thank you, for the guitar.” He said softly. He put a hand under Caleb’s chin and tilted him up into a kiss. “Really.” 

“Just play it for me sometime, ja?” Caleb asked, reaching over to pick up the book. 

“Oh you know I will.” Molly said. 

“Molly,” Caleb sat up, looking at his palms. “My hands are purple.” He held them out. 

His palms and fingers were the same shade of purple as Molly’s hair. Molly’s eyes went wide and then he laughed. He rolled over, pressing his face into Caleb’s thigh as Caleb laughed too. Caleb grabbed his stomach, burying his face into Molly’s ribs. He laughed until his abs were burning and he was crying and he wheezing, unable to control himself. 

“Oh fuck.” Molly laughed, wiping his eyes. “Oh my god, people are gonna have so many questions!” 

Caleb rolled over onto his side and looked at Molly. “I’ll make something up.” He said, laughing some more. His cheeks ached from smiling so widely. 

“I like your laugh.” Molly said softly. He reached up and cupped Caleb’s cheek gently. “It’s a good laugh.” He traced Caleb’s cheekbone with a thumb. “I’m going to make you laugh more.” He decided. 

“I haven’t laughed like this in….” Caleb sighed. “Since Chris.” He said softly. Molly tangled his legs with Caleb’s and smiled at his lover. 

“It means you’re healing. I’m glad.” He explained. He kissed Caleb once more. “Are you sure you want to go through with the plan?” 

“Yes.” Caleb confirmed. “Perhaps CNN. Someone good and solid.” 

“I can to talk to Bryce.” Molly said. “And the other pilots. They’ll want to be there too. You’re not going to do this alone, you know. We won’t let you.” He kissed Caleb again. 

“Thank you, Molly.” He said gently. Caleb wrapped his arms around Molly’s body and held his lover close. 

“Thank you.” Molly kissed him gently. He slid out of Caleb’s arms and padded to the bathroom naked. “Here. This should work on your hands.” He tossed Caleb a bottle. 

Caleb caught it and frowned as he read the label. “Molly, this is…an industrial strength cleaning and bleaching agent.” 

“Yup. It’s how I get it off my skin.” 

“Molly….that isn’t good.” 

“Whatever works.” He said with a shrug

Caleb rolled off the bed and into the bathroom to scrub his hands and stole a kiss from Molly as they passed, and his lover dragged his fingers across his lower belly before vanishing into the bedroom. 

He could get used to this, he mused. Caleb turned on the sink and started to scrub at his skin as he heard Molly pick up the guitar. He watched the purple run from his hands as he heard Molly’s tentative plucking from the bedroom. He worked the grit into his skin and rested his hip against the counter. He could get used to Molly’s presence in the next room, Molly in his bed, stealing kisses and touches from Molly. 

Caleb worked on his hands as slowly but firmly the awkward plucking took the shape of chords. He smiled softly at the sound and shut the sink off. His hands were less neon and more pastel now, but they were still purple. He didn’t both drying them as he listened to Molly remember how to play. There was a knock at the door and he frowned. 

“Hold on I’m naked!” Molly called out and Caleb rolled his eyes. He heard Molly pad about and he snagged a pair of sweats from the hamper before sliding them on and stepping into the room just as Molly opened the door. 

Nott and Yasha were on the other side, Nott with a tray of food and Yasha with a box in one beefy arm. 

“The last box from Nagasaki came in.” Yasha said. 

“And I brought lunch.” Nott pushed her way past Molly and set the tray down on the bed. “Caleb are you….” Her eyes narrowed and Caleb knew that look. Her eyes flickered from his hands to Molly’s hair to the fresh hickey on Molly’s neck to Caleb wearing Molly’s jacket. Her eyes went wide and turned to Molly. 

“You!” She poked him in the chest, turning on him. “Explain yourself!” 

“Nott, it’s not what you think.” Molly said, backing up slowly. 

“No? What is it then!? From what I see it’s you taking advantage of him when he’s in a fragile state!” She prowled forward, poking him in the sternum. “You should know better!” 

“Nott, please.” Caleb said gently. “It was my idea.” He said. 

“What? Caleb?” She turned him, confused. 

“Molly….” He shot Molly a look. Together, they had a non-verbal conversation, made entirely of facial ques and body language. Normally Caleb had issues reading people, but he know the very fabric of Molly’s soul. He knew what Molly’s body was saying. He was giving Caleb permission to disclose his secret. 

“He has amnesia, Nott.” He said as Yasha set the box down on the bed. 

“I fucking know that! I was given his file to read! It’s my job to keep him safe, just like you!” She snapped. “Caleb, do you think this is wise? Are you ready for this?” She asked. 

“I can’t stay in the shadows forever, Nott.” He said gently. 

“When did you get my file?” Molly asked, sitting down on the spare bed and opening the box. 

“After you Drifted for the first time.” Nott said. Caleb grabbed the sandwich from the tray and took a bite. “I read it cover to cover. It’s my job to work on Peacock and to keep you safe, now, too.” 

“I should’ve known.” Molly muttered. He took the lid off. There was an old blanket on the top of the box and he pulled it out to reveal and assortment of oddments and ends; records and letters and files and mugs and candles and strange shit that Molly had collected because he’s Molly, down to and including a doll that looked possessed. It had a creepy smile, two little buck teeth, scratched off paint, a worn dress that looked like it may have been pink at one point, and no hair. 

“Holy shit.” Molly laughed. “Caleb look at this!” He held up the doll to where his lover was talking to Nott. 

“Molly, what the fuck.” Caleb sighed. 

“I was hoping that thing got left behind.” Yasha stated. She reached out to grab the doll and Molly cradled her to his chest. 

“No, I love her.” 

Yasha just gave a long-suffering sigh. "You don’t even remember her.” 

"A mother's love transcends memory, Yasha, she's my daughter now. Say hello to your niece.” He made the doll wave. Caleb just covered his mouth and laughed softly. Nott glanced over to Caleb and smiled at him. 

“She is staying in the box, Molly.” Caleb said. 

“Hey, I have an idea.” Nott grinned. “We don’t we just drop her off in Bryce’s office when they’re not there? Put her on their desk for them to see first thing in the morning.” She suggested. A slow, wicked grin spread over Molly’s face. 

“Yes!” He laughed. 

“No.” Caleb said firmly. 

“That is a terrible idea.” Yasha said. Nott hopped off the bed and snagged the doll. 

“She needs a name.” She said. “Maggie-Anne. Her name is Maggie-Anne.” 

“I love it.” Molly said. “Can you sneak into Bryce’s office later and put her on their desk?” 

“Yes I will.” She beamed. Molly shot her a smile as he rooted around the box. His fingers found something unusual and he pulled it out. 

It a was a simple, old, wooden rosary. He paused, looking at it. He shifted on the bed and ran his fingers over the beads, frowning. There was something stirring in the back of his brain. 

“Molly?” Caleb asked. “What is it schatz?” He sat next to Molly as he started to mutter under his breath. The look on Molly’s face was giving him pause. He looked as if he had seen a half-remembered relative in a family photo album, or a lost childhood friend in a crowd, and knew their face but not their name. 

“Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come.Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” The wood was smooth against the pads of his fingers and he could smell the faint scent of roses coming from it as it warmed under his hand. 

“Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” The prayer tumbled from his lips unbidden as he ran the beads over his fingers, one after the other after the other. 

He paused, running his thumb over the crucifix. It was so worn from use the figure of Christ was barely visible, and the Virgin Mary at the joint of the ‘y’ shape was gone. 

“Caleb….” He said gently. “I think this was my mother’s.” His voice was tiny and he looked very, very young. His bright gray eyes were wide as he looked up at Caleb. 

“I think…I think I remember her teaching me that. With these.” He held out his hands, the rosary curling in his palms. Caleb moved to kneel in front of Molly and and he closed his lover’s hands around the beads. 

“What else is in the box?” He asked Molly gently. Molly dug about with his free hand and found some candles. They were tall and slim and they had pictures of saints on them. Molly laid one in his lap as Caleb took the other. 

“Saint Joan of Arc.” Caleb muttered. He knew her, as a historical figure not as a religious one. 

“Saint Michael the Arcangel.” Molly rolled his candle over. It was half burnt, and something about the prayer on the back nibbling at his memory. 

“I….I think I used to light this.” He said gently. “When the alarms went off and the Kaiju came.” He looked up to Yasha. “Did I light the candles before going off to fight? Because I remember doing that.” 

She gave Molly a small, gentle smile. 

“Yes. You did.” She reached out and gave his shoulder a small squeeze. 

“You know there’s a chapel here, right?” Nott asked. “And on Sunday’s they have a Catholic mass?” 

“No I didn’t.” Molly said. 

“Neither did I.” Caleb confessed. 

“They have Temple services too, on Saturdays.” Nott continued with a look toward Caleb. 

“You’re Jewish?” Molly asked, smiling. 

“Yes. I didn’t know you were Catholic.” 

“I didn’t either.” Molly laughed. 

“Odd, that both of your pilots were Catholic.” Nott said. “Chris was Catholic too, and a pretty devout one. He put my mother to shame.” 

“He went every Sunday to Mass, went to Confession, prayed every night.” Caleb confirmed. To be honest he missed the sound of the muttering under Chris’ breath and the sound of the beads of the rosary moving over his skin. “He had a rosary as well.” 

Molly opened his hand and looked down at the string of beads. He lifted the beads to his face and the scent of roses coming from the wood brought back half-remembered shadows of memories; of kneeling next to his mother before bed, the smell of myrrh as the priest walked down the aisle as their church was decorated for Christmas, the feel of holy water cooling on his forehead in the Los Angeles summer, giving up chocolate and bacon and masturbation and later sex for Lent, the fluttering of the Nun’s habits as they walked the grounds of his Catholic school. 

He buried his face in his hands at the onslaught of memory, gasping and shaking. He felt Caleb’s firm steady hands on his back and Yasha’s big ones on his arms and Nott’s little ones on his wrists. He listened to Caleb’s soft muttering in German as he came back to himself, bit by bit. 

“Molly?” Yasha asked gently. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes….I….” He took a shaky breath. “There’s a lot to unpack, here.” He tapped his temple with a shaky finger. He slipped the rosary over his neck and felt the weight of the beads settle on his skin. 

“You know… Los Angeles has a Cathedral.” Caleb said slowly. “We could visit. See if it jogs anything. Perhaps find a priest.” He offered. He sat down on the bed next to Molly and his lover just leaned into his body. Caleb wrapped his arms around Molly’s shoulders and felt Molly turn his head to press a kiss to his cheek. Caleb smiled gently and held Molly closer. 

“I’d like that.” Molly said gently. 

“Soon. I need to talk to Bryce about the interview.” 

“They’re trying to keep Vanity Fair from publishing.” Yasha said gently. 

“No. She had a point. I need to talk to someone reputable.” Caleb said. “I need to be more open.” 

“Are you sure? Caleb, are you ready for what will happen if you do?” Nott asked. She reached over and took his hand. 

“No. But it needs to be done.” He shot her a small smile. 

“I’ll talk to Bryce. We can do the interview here.” She hopped off the bed and tucked Maggie-Anne under her arm. “Also, my mother invited you both to dinner in two weeks. She’s making tamales. She said, ‘have Caleb bring that new pilot, I need to make sure he’s good enough’.” Nott said. 

“I’m always a slut for tamales.” Molly commented. 

Nott just rolled her eyes and Yasha laughed softly. 

“I’ll talk to them.” Nott said. “Come on Yasha. Let’s go. Eat dinner you two.” She grabbed Yasha by the arm and the bigger woman stood. Nott went maybe to Yasha’s rib cage. 

“Sleep well, Molly, Caleb.” Yasha bent her head and kissed them both on the hair. Caleb blinked in surprise as Molly gave her strong thigh a gentle squeeze. They left, the door closing with a final shut. 

“Are you alright, Molly?” Caleb asked. He ran his hand over Molly’s hair, not caring about the dye anymore. 

“Yes. I think so.” Molly shot him a lopsided grin. Caleb felt his heart flutter in his chest in a tell-tale way. He cupped Molly’s face and kissed him softly. It was a sweet kiss and Caleb knew that he was doomed. 

He loved Mollymauk Tealeaf with his whole heart and soul and being and even when Molly had moved onto someone worthy of him Caleb would keep loving him. Caleb would never stop loving him, until he gave his last breath. 

“I’m fucking tired.” Molly muttered. “Remembering takes a lot out of a person.” 

“I understand. I’d like to read a bit longer, if you don’t mind.” Caleb let Molly go and watched as he shoved the now cold sandwich into his mouth. 

“Not our book you’re not. Something else.” Molly padded into the bathroom and Caleb heard the sound of a toothbrush going. 

“Oh no, how ever shall I find something to read when I have around forty books in our room?” Caleb deadpanned. 

“Was that a joke?” Molly stuck his head around the corner, a bit of toothpaste foam at the corner of his mouth. 

“Yes.” Caleb confessed. He picked up a volume of Goethe. 

“I like it when you make jokes.” Molly winked at him and Caleb felt a blush crawl over his cheeks. 

They settled into bed together, Caleb on his back with a book propped on his hip. Somewhere in the middle of his sleep Molly had moved, ended up curled into Caleb’s side, his hand splayed on his ribs. Caleb’s gaze fell from the essays in his mother tongue and he let his gaze trace over Molly’s face. He bent his head, kissing Molly’s head gently. 

_“I love you, you know.”_ He whispered in German.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A part is had. A confession sees the light of day.

The back of Yasha’s seat pushed into Caleb’s knees as Nott wove in and out of Los Angeles traffic, cursing in an impressive mix of Spanish, English and German. Caleb grabbed Molly’s thigh at once sharp turn, while Molly just laughed with his hands in the air. Caleb shut his eyes as they wove through five lanes of traffic and felt two of the tires lift as Nott turn on the off ramp. 

“Slow down.” Yasha ordered, a bit green about the gills. 

“We can’t be late!” Nott panicked. “You do not want to know what will happen to us if we’re late!” She made a sharp turn and Caleb careened into Molly. His lover took the chance to wrap his arms around Caleb’s shoulders and held him close. 

“Think we can find a chance to sneak away?” He whispered into Caleb’s ear. 

“I doubt it.” He replied. “Valentina has eyes like a hawk and ears like a bat.” 

“Don’t swear around her.” Nott said. “You’ll get a shoe flying at your head from across the house.” She slowed down as they entered a residential area. 

It was a poorer area; there were no sidewalks, the cars on the streets were older, the houses shabbier, the streets were cracked and there were shoes hanging from the power lines as they drove under them. The houses were brightly colored and Caleb could see a house with a chain link fence that had people flowing out of the yard and over the porch and onto the sidewalk. He could hear the music already as Nott parked the car. She climbed out and there was a chorus of cheers from the assembled people. 

A young man barreled out of the crowd, beer in hand as he ran down the street and pulled Nott into a hug. He was on the small side, and slim, wearing a white tank top with baggy jeans. His skin was the same deep fawn as Nott’s and he shared her golden eyes. His head was shaved but his beard as the same color as Nott’s hair as he lifted her up and span her in a circle. 

“Put me DOWN!” She squawked as Caleb and Molly slid from the car. “Julio! Put me down!” 

Caleb saw Julio’s eyes go wide and he turned to see Yasha unfolding herself out of the tiny car like some sort of origami art. 

“Man, you’re a big lady.” Julio said in awe. 

“Julio, this is Yasha.” Caleb said. “She’s one of the head techs on our new Jaeger.” 

“Caleb, man!” He laughed, swaggering up to Caleb. “It’s good to see you!” He pulled Caleb into a tight hug. “It’s been too long. We was getting worried.” His speech was flavored with the Los Angeles street accent, low and winding and lilting. “I was thinking about sending some people up to the shatterdome to check on you, bro.” He pulled back before punching Caleb in the bicep. 

“I am well, now.” Caleb said truthfully. “It’s good to see you as well, Julio. This is my new co-pilot, Mollymauk Tealeaf.” 

Molly had dressed to the nines today, in black pants that clung to his ass in a way that kept distracting Caleb, boots three inches tall, his trademark jacket and a bright neon t-shirt for an old Madonna album that clashed wonderfully with his hair. 

“Holy fuc-shi-shoot.” Julio ran his hand over his mouth and glanced over his shoulder. “Man, it’s good to meet you. My little sister’s gonna freak when she sees you!” He shook Molly’s hand. “Emila wants be a Jaeger pilot one day.” He said, beaming with pride. 

“Julio!” Came a sharp voice from the porch. “Stop hogging them and let them eat!” 

The owner of the voice was a middle aged Hispanic woman, with dark hair, dark skin, and the same golden eyes as Nott and Julio. She was heavy, and she had an apron on and a wooden spoon in her hand as she pushed her way through the crowd. 

“Sorry mama.” Julio said, contrite. 

Valentina shuffled her way over to them and pulled Nott into a hug. 

“Notolamia, mija.” She pulled her daughter into a hug and Nott smiled. 

“Hi mama.” She kissed her mother’s cheek. 

“Caleb, come here mijo.” Val pulled Caleb into a hug with her other arm, crushing his ribs. “You are far too skinny, when did you last eat!” She chided. 

“Believe it or not this morning.” Molly said with a grin. 

“And who are you?” Val pierced Molly with a gaze. 

“I’m Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to my friends.” He walked up and draped his arm over Caleb’s shoulder. “I’m Caleb’s co-pilot.” He held out his hand to shake. 

“Oh nonsense, you’re family.” Val let go of Caleb and Nott and pulled Molly into a hug. 

Molly blinked a bit, before hugging the older woman back. He buried his face in her hair as she squeezed him tight. 

“It’s good to meet you.” She said, pulling back. “You’re our Caleb’s pilot, that makes you family.” She cupped his cheeks. “And who are you?” She turned to Yasha. “Looks like I need to make more food.” 

“Oh no, really, I don’t mean to put you out.” Yasha said. “My name’s Yasha, I’m a tech on Peacock Rising.” 

“She’s the head mechanic for the left hemisphere.” Molly supplied. “She keeps my half in tip-top shape.” 

“You’re not putting me out at all, I promise.” Val reached up and patted Yasha’s cheek. “A big woman like you must eat a lot!” She laughed. 

“Oh man, Charlie’s gonna be so excited to see you!” Julio laughed, jumping on the balls of his feet. Caleb’s face lit up as he smiled. 

“Your son is here?” He asked, moving toward the house. 

“Yeah man. We moved back in with mama a couple months ago. I’m getting my G.E.D so it’s easier to keep an eye on him when I’m in night school, you know?” Julio said, dipping into the party. He ducked under an arm and stepped over a tiny dog to grab three beers. He passed them to Molly and Yasha and Caleb as Nott was dragged into the kitchen. 

“Molly, Yasha, these are my cousins.” He proceeded to name so many people of various ages and relation to himself that Molly’s head started to spin. Caleb remembered them all, making sure to smile and to greet them with their name. 

“How can you remember them all?” Molly asked Caleb softly. Caleb just shot him a small, sad smile and tapped his temple. 

“Yeah, you can’t forget.” Molly said. 

“And this is my littlest sister, Emilia.” Julio grabbed a young girl over. She was maybe sixteen years old, and firmly in the punk stage of her development. Her hair was a bright pink, with skinny jeans that were tighter than Molly’s, jewelry in her eyebrow and lip and nose and in her collarbones and her makeup was done in shades of black and gray. 

“Emila, this is-”

“Mollymauk Tealeaf.” She gasped, her eyes going wide. “Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!” She gasped and Molly laughed. 

“Breathe, honey.” He squeezed her bicep and she laughed. “You’re the one that wants to be a Jaeger pilot, right?” Molly asked. Emila nodded. “Come on, let’s have a chat.” He grinned, dragging Yasha with him.

“Caleb, I’ll be talking to her. Come find me when you’re ready.” He reached out and gave Caleb’s hand a squeeze. Julio’s eyes flickered to their hands and Molly slid away. 

“So…ah you two are…” He raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s complicated, Julio.” Caleb sighed. He followed the younger man into the house. The house smelled of cooking meat and spices and it made Caleb’s stomach rumble. There was female chatter coming from the kitchen and he heard Nott speaking to her mother in Spanish as the sounds of music coming from a radio echoed through his ears. He paused, watching as she spread something on what looked to be corn husks. She laughed at something her mother said, and Val bent down to kiss her hair gently. It was good, to see his friend smiling and laughing. 

“She hasn’t been home in six months.” Julio said softly. “She wouldn’t leave you. No matter how much mama pleaded. Charlie asked for her, man. He actually spoke to her on the phone. She wouldn’t leave.” 

Caleb sighed, letting his head fall. 

“This is…the longest I have been out of the shatterdome in six months.” He confessed. 

“Chris fucked you up, hunh.” Julio observed. 

“Do you remember when Maria left you?” Caleb asked. 

“How can I fucking forget? I loved her, man. She gave me my son. She gave me my son and then fucked right off.” Julio was still hurting after his high school girlfriend left him. 

“Now imagine you had literally been inside her head. And now imagine you were inside her head when she left you.” Caleb said gently. “So yes, Chris’ death really fucked me up.”

“No swearing in my house!” Val hollered, pinning the men with a stare. 

“Sorry, mami!” Julio said with a grin. Val turned to Caleb, shaking her wooden spoon at him. 

“Go say hi to Charlie and then let me feed you.” She said. 

“Ja, Mutter.” Caleb teased. Val shot him a small smile and walked over to him. She had a plate of diced mango in her hands, dusted with chili powder. 

“Here.” She pushed it into his hands. “I was so worried about you.” She kissed his cheek. “You weren’t at the funeral.” 

“Mama!” Nott gasped. 

“No, Nott. I owe her an explanation.” Caleb held up his hand. “I….” He sighed. “I couldn’t face it.” He said gently. “I couldn’t bring myself to go.” 

“It was beautiful service.” Val said gently. “He was buried with hero’s honors.” She kissed his cheek again. “And you know, if you and Molly are like you and Chris, you don’t have to hide it. Not here.” She patted his cheek and shuffled back into the kitchen. Caleb dug out a bite of mango and popped it into his mouth. The fruit contrasted with the sharp bite of the chili powder and Val had put lime juice on it and Caleb loved it. 

“So what do you mean it’s complicated?” Julio leaned against the wall outside of a door. The door itself was covered in photo-realistic drawings, of Julio and Val and the Los Angeles cityscape, of Caleb and Chris, of Forests’ Wrath and of a woman with dark eyes and dark skin and full lips. 

“I…. I can’t tell you everything, Julio. Somethings I cannot tell you.” Caleb took a swig of his beer. It was good, for a Mexican beer. 

“That NDA shi-stuff?” Julio said. Caleb nodded. 

“All I can say is that Molly and I have a…physical relationship. I do not know if it’s….emotional, on his end. But…” His gaze skittered over his food to the wall covered in photographs to the art on the door. “I am attached, to him.” He admitted at last. 

Julio nodded slowly. “I’ll keep my mouth shut.” He said. 

“You have never kept your mouth shut since I met you.” Caleb teased. Julio threw back his head and laughed. 

“You got me there.” He laughed. He knocked on the door with a distinctive pattern, and then waited five seconds before opening. 

The room was well light and clean, if a bit on the smaller side. Everything had a place and everything was in it’s place. There was a bed against the side wall, a dresser opposite it, and in the center of the room was an artist’s table. There was a young boy sitting at it, drawing. His work was the same that was on the door; hyper realistic portratits. The boy himself was maybe eight years old. 

“Hey, mijo.” Julio padded behind Charlie and kissed his head. “Do you remember Tia Nott’s friend, Caleb?” He asked. The scratching of the pen on the paper stopped. The little brown head nodded. 

“He’s here to visit.” Julio said. Caleb padded forward, putting his beer and fruit on the dresser. 

“Hello again Charlie.” He said softly. He liked Charlie. Charlie didn’t look him in the face or speak much at all, but that was alright with Caleb. Caleb didn’t push Charlie to act like a regular human and Charlie didn’t care that Caleb couldn’t stand the feeling of wet paper or look others in the eyes. They understood each other. Charlie put down his pencil and stepped away from the desk to grab Caleb in a hug around the middle. 

“I missed you too, big guy.” Caleb said softly. He patted Charlie on the head as the child buried his face in his stomach. “I heard you got into that school I told your father about. Are you liking it?” He asked. 

Charlie nodded. 

“Good. I’m glad. I’m proud of you. I know how awful change can be for us.” He said gently. Charlie pulled back and tugged on Caleb’s arm and Caleb followed him. Charlie pointed to a picture on the wall. 

It was of Caleb and Chris. Caleb was sitting in a chair, his eyes closed, a beer in one hand as Chris stood behind him, his arms wrapped around his collar bones. Chris’s head was bent to kiss Caleb’s hair as he laughed. It was so damn detailed that it made Caleb’s breath catch in his throat. Charlie reached up and tugged it from the wall before pushing it into Caleb’s chest. 

“For me?” He asked. Charlie nodded. He knelt, and squeezed the kid’s shoulder. “Thank you, my friend.” He said truthfully. 

“You’re welcome.” Charlie said softly, shooting Caleb a shy smile. 

“Hey, Charlie-barlie, Caleb’s got a new co-pilot. His name is Molly. You wanna meet him?” Julio asked his son. Charlie glanced up to his father, looking at his chin. He paused, before nodding. 

“Alright mijo, sit tight. I’ll go get him.” Julio rubbed his son’s hair and Charlie smiled. 

“You will like Molly.” Caleb said as Julip vanished. He made sure to shut the door gently. “He’s very nice. He’s a bit…much. He’s like your cousin Emila.” Caleb explained. “He’s my new pilot since Chris died.” 

Charlie said nothing, and Caleb didn’t expect him too. The kid reached up and tugged on a lock of Caleb’s hair.

“Yes. It’s grown long. I didn’t have the energy to get it cut.” He said gently. “I was too deep in mourning to notice it, really.” He confessed. Charlie’s charcoal-stained fingers skittered over his cheekbones and across his nose and down his jaw. They settled on his beard, rubbing back and forth. Charlie smiled so Caleb assumed it was good texture on his skin. 

There was Julio’s knock on the door, and five seconds later Julio walked in, followed by Molly. 

“Mijo, this is Molly. He’s Tio Caleb’s new pilot.” Julio said. Molly knelt on the floor near Caleb and Charlie turned his head to Molly. He didn’t look Molly in the face, but he looked at his chin. 

“Good to meet you kiddo. I’m Molly.” Molly said with a smile. Charlie said nothing, just blinked. “A man of few words, that’s an admirable quality.” Molly continued, undaunted. 

A knot of worry that Caleb hadn’t been aware of slowly unraveled in his chest. He had been worried that Molly would react differently to a person who was deeper on the spectrum than Caleb was. He had been frightened that Molly would be disgusted by Charlie, or think him freakish. In the end, all Caleb had to worry about was Molly running his mouth as he admired the pictures on the walls, not looking Charlie in the face himself. Caleb watched Molly as he interacted with the child and a small smile played over his face as a warmth flooded his chest. Molly was interacting with Charlie like he would any other child his age, and it lifted a burden of fear from Caleb’s shoulders. Love bloomed in his chest and ran through his blood as he watched Molly. 

“You hungry Charlie?” Julio asked, breaking the silence. Charlie nodded. 

“Abuela’ll have the food ready soon, okay?” Julio bent down and kissed his son’s hair. Charlie giggled and climbed back into his chair picking up his pencil before grabbing a new bit of paper. 

“I’ll come get you for dinner, alright?” Julio stood and the other men rose. Caleb’s knees cracked and he swore under his breath in German as Molly helped him to his feet. He picked up his beer and the food before offering Molly a bite as the left Charlie’s room. Molly tossed a piece in his mouth before blinking in surprise. 

“Ja, is good.” Caleb said with a grin. 

“Tastes familiar….” Molly said under his breath. 

“Well, you grew up in Los Angeles, ja? You may have had this before. It’s a common snack.” Caleb said, watching Molly eat a few more pieces. There was some juice at the corner of his mouth and glanced toward Julio before leaning over and kissing it from Molly’s mouth. Molly blinked before looking over to Julio who was smiling softly. 

“Caleb told me. Mom suspects. It’s okay, bro. You don’t gotta be scared here.” Julio said gently. 

“I’m not scared. I’m just surprised Caleb made a move in public.” Molly said with a smile. He turned and kissed Caleb before the other man could retort. 

“Now darling, there was a person manning the grill outside that had some delightful looking meat on it. I’m going to hang around and try to steal some. Find me or Yasha if you need us, alright?” Molly said, kissing Caleb once more. 

“Ja. Go.” Caleb patted Molly’s shoulder before he vanished into the party. He watched Molly go as Julio started to chuckle. 

“What?” Caleb asked. Julio laughed, clapping Caleb on the shoulder. 

“Man, you got it bad.” He laughed, heading into the party. Caleb wandered into the kitchen where Val shoved a bowl of soup in his hands. 

“I haven’t finished the mango.” He stated. 

“Eat your menudo.” Val said, throwing a slice of lime in it. Her tone brokered no argument. 

“Of course.” Caleb said, smiling at her. He worked his way out onto the patio where multiple tables had been jammed together. He sat down and picked through the soup, watching the children at play. 

There was the laughter of children, happy music streaming from the radio, happy chatter and laughter, there was the sound of meat sizzling on the grill and people were dancing on the grass. The air was warm, the June Gloom was finally burning off and Caleb felt the stress of the last few months leaving him. He scraped his bowl clean and leaned back to drink his beer only to find it empty. 

“Here.” Yasha sat next to him, dropping a fresh one at his elbow. 

“Danke.” 

“Nichts zu danken.” She replied. He lifted an eyebrow at her. 

“Nott’s taught me a few phrases.” She admitted. She took a pull of her own beer and leaned back in her chair. It creaked alarmingly under her muscles but she didn’t seem to notice. 

“Thank you.” Caleb said. “For learning them.” She shrugged a massive shoulder as Molly threw himself into the chair next to Caleb. 

“Hey, Caleb, the shatterdome here does a Fourth of July thing, right? Can we invite Emilia?” He asked. “She’s smart as a whip and Beau would love to meet her.” He took a drag on his beer and Caleb’s eyes flickered to the way his mouth was wrapped around the neck of the bottle. His lips were obscene, stretched around the glass in a way that reminded Caleb of when Molly had looking with his mouth on Caleb’s cock. Caleb shifted, feeling his pants growing tight as he glanced away. 

“Ja. It would be good for her to come.” Caleb said. “She can see the Jaegers up close.” 

“She wants to see Peacock.” Molly said. “If you’re alright with it we can take her into the Conpodd.” Molly offered. Caleb glanced over to his co-pilot and he saw something in Molly’s eyes that made his heart swell with pride. 

“You know, she is a part of the robotics team at her school. We could invite all of them.” Caleb offered. Molly’s eyes lit up. 

“That’s an idea.” He grinned. “That would be excellent.” 

“What about the Kaiju?” Yasha softly. “That scientist in Hong Kong said we’re due for another one soon. By the end of the month.” She explained. 

“If the Kaiju happens, the Kaiju happens.” Molly said with a shrug. “There’s nowhere safer than the shatterdome.” 

“Molly…her father was killed when Yamarashi attacked.” Caleb said gently. “She was a new born, only two days old.” 

“They’ve taken a lot from a lot of people.” Molly mused. 

“Ja.” Caleb said. He reached over the table and threaded his fingers with Molly’s. “They have.”

Conversation and beer flowed and people came and went and Caleb held Molly’s hand through the whole thing. Eventually the meal was laden onto the tables; menudo and tamales and deep fried peppers that were stuffed with cheese and all sorts of other food and drinks and snacks that were piled on so high that the tables groaned under the weight of the food. Caleb tried a bit of everything, knowing damn well that Val would make him eat third helpings. Julio sat down across from Caleb and loaded up his own plate.

“Hey mijo, what’s up?” 

Charlie had came out of his room, paper and pen tucked his arm. He tugged his father’s arm and then crawled into his lap. Julio pulled over a plate and fixed it for Charlie, making sure that none of the food items touched. 

“Here you go buddy.” He kissed his son on the hair before settling into dinner. 

The conversation flowed as Caleb ate second, third and sure enough fourth helpings of the food that Val kept piling onto his plate. He kept getting beers from Molly and Yasha and before long he was delightfully tipsy. He rested against the chair, nibbling at his sugar bread as he watched Molly. 

Molly was engrossed in telling a story. His hands were wide as he gestured about, his gray eyes were lit from within and he was practically glowing as he told the tale. Caleb wasn’t sure what it was about, but it was a good one judging by how half the table was engrossed in it. The fairy lights that were strung over the patio were casting a soft, golden glow on his cheekbones along with the setting sun and Molly was smiling and laughing and he was so damn beautiful he made Caleb’s breath catch in his throat. 

“So there I was, one arm shoved up the dead turkey’s butt, the other holding the oven door shut, and I turn to her and say “madam president, this isn’t what it looks like!”.” He finished, making the table roar with laughter. Molly glanced over to Caleb and frowned. 

“Do I have something on my face?” He asked. 

“No.” Caleb muttered. 

“You never look me in the eyes. Why are you looking me in the eyes?” He asked, narrowing his own at Caleb. Caleb just chuckled and cupped Molly’s cheek. 

“I am blessed to have you in my life, Mollymauk. That’s all.” He said gently. 

“You’re drunk.” Molly accused. 

“A little bit.” Caleb admitted. He ran his thumb over Molly’s cheekbone. “Doesn’t make it less true.” Molly smiled and shook his head. 

“Just means you don’t know what you’re saying.” He reached over and took Caleb’s beer from him. “I’m cutting you off.” 

“Alright.” Caleb reached over and stole Molly’s. He chugged it, looking Molly dead in the face. Molly just laughed, before taking a sip from Caleb’s own beer. 

“Thank God Nott’s driving.” Molly mused. He shifted in his seat, resting his body against Caleb’s. 

They ended up molded together, Caleb’s arm draped over Molly’s shoulders, Molly’s fingers playing along his skin. His tattoo was finally out of the scabbing stage, and the skin was fresh and sensitive. Molly traced his fingers over the baby soft skin there and Caleb shut his eyes at the sensation. He rested his head against Molly’s hair and breathed in the smell of him. He was happy here, in this moment, feeling Molly’s chest rise with his breathing and feeling his heartbeat solid and steady and smooth under his palm. He was happy here, basking in Molly’s presence. 

For the first time in a long time, Caleb was happy. 

He felt something poke his arm and he opened his eyes. Charlie was holding out a paper and poking Molly in the arm to get his attention. 

“What’s up big guy?” Molly said. “For me?” He reached and took the paper as Charlie nodded. He turned it over and sure enough, there was a picture. It was of them, cuddling. Caleb’s face was turned into Molly’s hair and Molly’s face was tilted toward Caleb with a tiny, content smile playing on his face. His hand was threaded with Caleb’s and there was an aura of peace coming from the art. 

“This is wonderful, Charlie.” Caleb smiled. He was sobering up now and his head was less muzzy. He shifted and Molly reached out to give the kid a gentle shoulder squeeze. 

“Thank you, man.” Molly said. Charlie smiled at him, showing off his missing front teeth. 

“You’re welcome.” He said in a tiny voice. Molly beamed at the kid as Charlie stole a concha from a plate and vanished back into the house. 

“He really likes you.” Julio said to Molly. 

“I like him too.” Molly said, admiring the art. “Kid’s got talent.” 

“Yeah, one of the teachers at his special school calls him a savant.” Julio rolled his eyes. 

“School?” Molly asked. 

“Yeah, he was issues at his old public school. The kids were jerks and the teachers didn’t get him.” Julio said. “They treated him like dirt. I found a nice school that specializes in kids on the spectrum and Caleb wrote a letter and got him in.” Julio explained. 

“It wasn’t my letter that did it, Julio.” Caleb said gently. 

“No man, it was. You’re a hero, man. Everyone in LA knows who you are you. We know your name and your face because you’re _ours_. You’re not over in Hong Kong or D.C. You’re in LA. You keep us safe. You’re on out on Catalina and you were born in Berlin, but you’re an Angelino.” Julio beamed with pride. “It was your letter and it’s changed his life. He’s not shutting down any more, he’s not getting bullied anymore, he’s speaking now! He’s actually talking!” Julio laughed. 

“You know, when he called me ‘dad’ for the first time I cried.” Julio wasn’t ashamed to admit it. “Man, it’s all because of you.” He made a move to grab Caleb’s hand but pulled back, as if he remembered Caleb’s touch aversion. 

“I owe you.” Julio said. 

“You do not owe me a thing.” Caleb said firmly. “You are family, Julio. You and Charlie both. And family takes care of each other.” 

Val rose at the end of the table and started gathering dishes to wash. Caleb rose as well and started gathering the ones on his end. 

“No, mijo, how many times must I tell you! Guests do not clean!” Val said. 

“And how many times do I have to tell you I can’t let you clean this up by yourself?” Caleb shot her a small smile. Val threw up her free hand and pattered into the sink. Caleb moved to take his half of the dishes into the kitchen when Molly’s hand on his hip stopped him. He turned and Molly tugged him down by his shirt and kissed him softly. Caleb smiled into the kiss, and pulled away. 

“What was that for?” He asked gently. 

“I felt like it.” Molly said. Caleb shook his head and turned away, to keep the ‘I love you’ from tumbling from his lips. He followed Val into the kitchen and started cleaning. The coffee pot was bubbling away as he scraped the dirty dishes into the trash and let them soak in the sink as Val scrubbed a pot. 

“The way you look at Molly….” She raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s just how you looked at Chris.” She stated. 

“I am attached, yes.” Caleb confessed. 

“This is more than attached.” Val checked him lightly with her hip. The pot was deemed clean and put over a towel to dry. 

“I am…crazy about him.” Caleb finally admitted. It felt wonderful to actually admit it. He dunked his hands into the soapy water and started working on the serving platter that had some kind of grilled meat on it. 

“You’re happy.” Val said. “Notolamia says this is the first time since Chris you’ve been smiling.” 

“She’s right.” Caleb said gently. “He’s…” He sighed. The coffee maker beeped and Val fixed him a cup. He let the dishes soak as he dried his hands before taking the cup. “He’s brought joy back into my life. You’ve met him. It’s impossible to not be happy when you’re around him.” Caleb said. 

“It’s more than that, though.” He said. “I was so lonely for so long. Drifting is…it’s the most intimate you can be with another person, even more than sex.” He rested his hip on the counter and took a sip of his coffee. Val put this kind of sweetened milk into the coffee and it was always delicious. “I had missed that closeness. To share it again was like…well…it was like an addict getting another hit.” He said with a small look of chagrin. 

“I understand.” Val said. “And you love him?” She raised an eyebrow at Caleb. 

“Yes.” Caleb said simply. “I love him.” 

“You know, I think he loves you too.” Val said. “When he makes an honest man out of you, invite me to the wedding.” 

Caleb laughed softly shaking his head. 

“I do not think that will happen, Val.” He said sadly. “He’s not in love with me.” 

“I have seen many people in love. You look at him like he is the sun and he looks at you like you are the moon, but you don’t realize that the other is looking at you.” Val cupped his cheek gently, leaving a soapy handprint on his face. 

There was a crashing noise coming from the front porch and Val swore in Spanish, whipping off her sandal before storming over to the source of the noise. Caleb pondered her words as he turned back to the sink. He dunked his hands back into the sink as he thought. A bit of hair fell into his face and he swore in German, tucking it behind his ear. It fell down again, obscuring his vision. 

There was a soft laugh behind him and he felt hands on the back of his neck. He smelled Molly and relaxed as he felt his lover gather his hair at the back of his head, twisting it into a bun before wrapping a hair tie around it. 

“There.” Molly said. Molly’s hands came free and snaked around his hips. He rested his chin on Caleb’s shoulder as he held Caleb close. 

He hummed softly to the song on the radio, fingers playing along Caleb’s ribs. It was an older song, from the fifties and the lyrics were in Spanish, but Molly knew the tune. He hummed softly and swayed with the slow, steady beat of the love song. Caleb closed his eyes, relaxing into Molly’s touch. He leaned his head into Molly’s as his eyes fluttered closed and allowed himself this. 

He allowed himself this moment, this simple slice of intimacy. He didn’t know how long it would last, cuddling in a friend’s kitchen as they listened to the song together, but he was determined to string it along for every single second. He didn’t know if he would ever have this again; he didn’t know if Molly would leave him, if Molly would move on, or if Molly would be ripped from him by a Kaiju. All Caleb knew is that right here, right now, in this moment, he was hopelessly, deliriously, in love with a man who wasn’t in love with him. 

The pain was like a sharp knife to the heart and it brought tears to his eyes. He sniffed and wiped them away before Molly could notice, but he was too late. 

“Caleb, darling?” Molly asked, turning Caleb around to face him. “What’s wrong?” 

Caleb just shook his head, unable to explain. How could he tell Molly that he was so in love with him that his heart hurt to beat because every beat was a beat closer to the moment when Molly would leave? 

“Is it Chris?” Molly asked. “You know you can talk to me about him, right?” 

“It’s…Chris is a part of it, yes.” Caleb said. “But not all.” 

“Talk to me Caleb. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” Molly ran his hands up and down Caleb’s biceps. 

“I don’t miss him, like I used too.” Caleb said gently. “Does that make me a terrible person?” 

“Not at all. It means you’re healing. A part of you will always belong to him, but the rest of you is coming back to this world.” Molly said. “Maybe, one day, you can find someone else to share this world with.” A part of Molly hoped that would be him, but he doubted it. 

“Maybe.” Caleb said with a shy smile. “I still feel like a terrible person. Like I didn’t love him enough.” 

“Caleb, Chris loved you, yes?” Molly asked. 

“I never doubted it.” Caleb said firmly. Cristobal’s love for him had been a cornerstone of his world. 

“Do you think he would want you to be miserable for the end of your days? Do you think he would want you to be alone? Or do you think he’d want you to find someone? A man to spend your life with?” Molly asked. “Or woman, you’ve never mentioned your orientation.” 

“Man. I’m gay, Molly.” Caleb said with a tiny smile. 

“I should’ve realized once you had my cock on your mouth.” Molly said with a grin. Caleb blushed and looked over his shoulder to find the doorway empty. 

“Do not let Val hear you speak like that. You’ll get a shoe to the head.” Caleb laughed. “But I suppose you are right.” 

“Of course I am.” Molly laughed. “I may only remember a year of my life, but I know people.” His hands came to rest on Caleb’s hips and he kissed Caleb’s forehead gently. 

“You are better with people than I am.” Caleb confessed. 

“You can be very charming, Caleb.” Molly laughed. 

“It is so tiring to do so. I do not have to do that, with you.” He reached out and ran his hand down the front of Molly’s chest. Molly pulled Caleb close and held him tight, kissing him softly. 

It was a quiet moment, more akin to one that lovers shared than whatever he and Caleb were. He cherished it, though. He wondered if he had had this before and if he would ever have this again. He doubted it. He was doomed to be Caleb’s, body and soul, until his bones crumbled to dust and his soul was reborn. Even then, he mused, he would find Caleb. 

He would find Caleb in every life, here and forever more. 

“Hey, are you ready?” Nott asked from the doorway. The keys jangled in her hand. “The traffic’s gone and we need to be back by midnight.” 

“Curfew.” Molly groaned. He kissed Caleb again before breaking away. 

“Stop making out in my mama’s kitchen!” Nott whined. 

“It’s only making out when there’s tongue involved.” Molly corrected her. 

“Ew.” She made a face. Caleb chuckled softly as Molly broke away. 

“Come on. Let’s go home.” Molly said to Caleb. 

They said their good-byes to everyone, mostly to Julio and Charlie. Val shoved multiple plates of left overs at them, and made Molly promise to make Caleb eat. They were escorted to their car amid more good-byes and after they piled into the car Nott let a deep breath go. 

“That….was not as bad as I thought it would be.” She admitted as they pulled away. 

“I love your family.” Molly said with a grin. 

“Good. You can have them.” Nott said. Molly laughed, reaching for Caleb’s hand on the backseat. Caleb smiled and threaded his fingers with Molly’s. The drive back was simple and smooth, Nott nearly crashing only twice. Nott foisted the leftovers off on Molly when they finally reached the shatterdome. 

Bryce and Beau were waiting for them as they entered. 

“Pilots, I contacted CNN and they will be here in two days to interview you all.” They said. 

“Thank you, commander.” Caleb said. 

“I’m proud of you both.” Yasha said gently. Beau was leaning on her crutches as she waited for Yasha. “Sleep well you two.” Yasha walked over and kissed Beau gently before slowing her gate for the healing woman. 

“Caleb….I’m proud of you for doing this.” Bryce said. They looked Caleb square on the nose, respecting his boundaries. They saluted their pilots and vanished down the hall. Caleb sighed and glanced over to Molly. 

“They’re right, you know.” Molly said, leading Caleb home. “You don’t have to do this.” 

“No. I have to.” Caleb said gently. 

Caleb opened the door to their room and sitting on their bed was a package. Molly rushed over and stuck the Tupperware on it before Caleb could read the label. 

“It’s a surprise.” Molly said. He had ordered these two days ago and he hadn’t expected them to come so fast. He whisked off his jacket and threw it on the box, handing Caleb the Tupperware. 

“Molly, what did you buy?” Caleb sighed. He put the left overs in the fridge. 

“It’s a surprise, Caleb. If I tell you it won’t be a surprise.” He stuck his tongue out at Caleb. “Go shower.” He knew Caleb’s habits and he was counting on Caleb needing to shower to get the stink of other people off his skin. 

“Alright, keep your secrets.” Caleb teased. He ducked close and kissed Molly gently. He padded into the bathroom, pulling off his shirt as he did so. 

Molly waited until he heard the shower start and the door shut before ripping into the box. He cackled softly to himself as he dug out the goodies he had ordered. He had more money than he knew what to do with, now, so he decided to spend some of it on Caleb. 

Inside the box was sex toys. He pulled them out one by one. He had bought various plugs and new rope in hemp and cotton and sisel and nylon in every color of the rainbow there was new lube in various flavors, candles that melted into massage oil, massage oil that warmed up under the hands, massage oil that was body safe, massage oil that doubled as lube, and massage oil that was edible. There were vibrators of every size and shape, glass dildos that looked like some sort of Salvador Dali art piece, gags that were solid, gags that were rings so he could fuck Caleb’s mouth with them in, including one that was just a giant jawbreaker, there free condoms (that Molly fully intended to give to Jester), and what he had been looking forward to the most; the cock rings and nipple clamps. 

The cock rings were a simple steel set of various sizes. He wasn’t even sure Caleb was into cock rings, but he wanted to try them for himself. The clamps though, were what caught his eye the most. 

They were simple silver clamps with smooth heads, attached to two chains. One end was attached to the end of the clamp, and the other end of the chains was attached to a choker. It was a leather choker, made to look like a collar. He had seen it on the website and knew that he needed Caleb on his knees with this on. 

The box also had various cleaning supplies and Molly took the time to wipe all the toys down before storing them. He padded into the hall and chucked the boxes into the garbage chute, knowing that Caleb wouldn’t want people finding them. He ducked back into the room and had an idea. He stripped naked and padded into the bathroom. 

Caleb was humming to himself as he showered. He was debating shaving his beard when he heard the shower door open and he gasped as the cold air seeped in around his ankles. He turned and saw Molly slide into the shower. 

“This alright?” He asked. 

“Yes.” Caleb pushed his wet hair out of his face. Molly kissed him, backing him up against the tile wall. Caleb whined into his mouth before sucking on his bottom lip. 

“I’ve wanted you all day.” Molly muttered against Caleb’s lips. He kissed Caleb again, running his hands over Caleb’s ribs. The burns on his right side were rough under his hands as he moved to grab Caleb’s ass. Caleb whined into his mouth, gasping. 

“Turn around for me, darling?” Molly asked. 

“What are you planning?” Caleb asked. 

“You’ll find out if you turn around. Hands on the wall, legs spread.” Molly took a step into the spray, getting his hair wet. Pale purple water ran down his body and Caleb darted forward, licking some of the water from Molly’s skin. 

“Caleb.” Molly’s tone was firm and authoritative and it sent shivers of want to Caleb’s spine. 

“Yes.” Caleb did as he was ordered. He turned and pressed his hands flat to the wall and spread his legs to shoulder’s width.

Molly knelt behind him, trailing kisses down his spine. He pressed a kiss to the soft skin in between Caleb’s back dimples as his knees hit the shower floor. The water was warm at it fell on them both and Molly ran his hands up Caleb’s shaking legs. 

“Can I get a color, darling?” Molly asked. 

“Green.” Caleb whimpered. 

“Good boy, Caleb.” Molly cooed. He pressed a kiss to back of Caleb’s thigh before grabbing his ass and running his tongue along the cleft. Caleb gasped, his eyes flying open as his elbows gave out. 

“Oh God, Molly.” He gasped, arching into his mouth. Caleb shuddered as he felt Molly’s tongue lick along his hole. “Green. Green, holy fuck, Molly green.” He felt Molly moan against him and then felt his lover’s wicked, wicked tongue flick the stud in it along his perineum. 

Caleb moaned deep in his chest as his toes curled with pleasure. He had been waiting for this, he had been waiting for Molly to take control, to feel confident enough in himself and in his abilities in the bedroom to take the lead. He could finally give in to that part of him that wanted to be dominated, the part of him that wanted to be pinned by down by the back of his neck and told what to do and how to take it. Caleb cried out as Molly’s tongue slid inside of him and turned his head to muffle his noises in his arm as he worked his cock, slowly stroking in time with Molly’s devilish tongue. 

“Caleb, stop that. You only get to cum when I say you can.” Molly ordered. His voice was deep in his chest and the authority in it cracked down Caleb’s spine like a whip. Molly grabbed his wrist and pinned it to the wall. “And don’t muffle yourself either. I want to hear you when I give you pleasure. Is that understood?” 

“Yes, sir.” Caleb gasped, forcing his hand back to the tile. He pressed his forehead to the tile as his legs started to shake. 

“Color?” 

“Green. Fuck Molly, green, green, green.” Caleb gasped out. 

“Good.” Molly then bent back to the task of eating Caleb’s soul out of his ass. 

Caleb just gave in. 

He arched his back into Molly’s hands and cried out, shaking apart under Molly’s tongue. He was babbling in a mix of German and English, trying not to tell Molly how much he loved him. 

“Molly, fuck, Molly, please, bitte, bitte, don’t stop.” His voice was cracking and his thighs were shaking. Molly dug his nails into the skin of Caleb’s thighs and Caleb damn near screamed. His knees gave out and Molly rose to his feet “Please let me cum.” He begged. A hand clamped down on Caleb’s throat and pulled him back. 

“You won’t cum until I say you can, will you darling?” Molly asked. 

“No. No, I won’t.” 

“You want to be good for me.” Molly ordered. 

“Yes. Yes I do.” Caleb whined. Molly pressed his body to Caleb’s and Caleb felt his cock against his ass. 

“Fuck me Molly, please.” He begged. He arched his back and ground his hips into Molly’s. “Please, I need you. I need you inside of me, please.” 

Molly paused, looking at Caleb. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. 

“Yes. God yes. I’ve wanted you inside of me since you kissed me the first time. Please, Molly.” Caleb whined. 

“Not in the shower. Don’t want you to fall and get hurt.” Molly reached over and turned off the shower, suddenly nervous. Sure, they had done everything but the actual fucking, but now he was suddenly scared. 

What if he hurt Caleb? What if he fucked up? He opened the shower and wrapped Caleb up in a towel, knowing he hated the transition from the in shower to out of it. He ran a towel over his own body in a perfunctory measure as Caleb dried himself thoroughly. Molly took the moment to brush his teeth because wanted to kiss Caleb tonight. As soon as he was done he turned, capturing Caleb’s mouth in a kiss. 

“Please, Molly, please.” Caleb whined, letting the towel drop to the floor. He pulled Molly into the bedroom and he fell back onto the bed. Molly crawled over him, kissing along his chest. 

“Molly, how do you want to do this?” Caleb asked his lover. 

“I think you should be on top, the first time.” Molly said. “I don’t want to hurt you and I want to see your face as I fuck you.” 

“Yes.” Caleb nodded. He sat up, kissing Molly. Molly rolled onto his back, unwilling to break the kiss with Caleb. He reached out and dug around in the drawer and pulled out one of the new lubes. Thankfully it was an unflavored one. He didn’t want to use the cotton candy or the mocha coffee lube for what was, essentially, his first time. 

Caleb straddled Molly and kissed him gently. Molly ripped the seal off the bottle and popped the cap. 

“Do you want to prep me, or should I do it?” Caleb asked. 

“No. Let me.” Molly poured out a generous dollop onto his hands before warming it up and sliding his fingers around Caleb’s spine. He trailed his slick fingers over Caleb’s ass before finding his entrance. Slowly, teasingly, Molly pushed his index finger inside. 

“Yes.” Caleb gasped out, arching his back. He grabbed Molly’s shoulders and rolled his hips, working with the movement of Molly’s hand. 

Molly kissed along his lover’s collarbones, sucking a mark into the hollow between them. Caleb was hot and tight around his fingers and his head swam as he imagined that sensation around his cock. He ran the pad of his index finger around, searching for the spot he knew would make Caleb see stars. 

“Use two.” Caleb whined. “And do this.” He made a ‘come here’ gesture with his fingers. 

“Think you can take two? You’re tight.” Molly muttered. 

“I like it.” Caleb said. “I like the hurt.” Caleb kissed along Molly’s jaw. “Please, Molly.” 

How could he resist this? How could he resist Caleb, naked and writhing on his hand, begging him for more? Begging Molly for anything he was willing to give him? If he had been a better man he wouldn’t have ended up in his position. If he had been a better man he wouldn’t have taken advantage of Caleb in mourning. But here he was, pressed against the wall of their bunk, sucking on Caleb’s tongue, and Molly knew he would do it again. 

Slowly, carefully, he slid a second finger into Caleb. 

“Oh fuck.” Caleb gasped into Molly’s mouth. “So good.” He rocked his hips, his cock leaking against their stomachs. Even if Molly never found his prostate Caleb was enjoying himself. Molly’s fingers were very talented, teasing him and drawing little noises and half-formed German from him. 

“I’m going to find it.” Molly said with a cock grin. “I don’t half-ass things.” He crooked his fingers and slowly made the same gesture as Caleb, searching. 

It was obvious when he found it. Caleb’s eyes went wide and he moaned deep in his chest. His scrabbled over Molly’s shoulders for purchase as he shuddered. 

“Gott im Himmel.” Caleb gasped, loosing his grasp of English at the pure, white-hot pleasure that was arcing down his spine. 

“There it is.” Molly cooed, pride in his voice. He ran the pads of his fingers over the spot slowly and gently, watching Caleb loose himself to utter bliss. 

It was a beautiful sight, Caleb straddling him, legs spread wide, as Molly slid his fingers in and out of Caleb’s ass. He slowed down the movement of his hand and Caleb whined, moving his hips. Caleb fucked himself on Molly’s fingers, clutching at his lover’s shoulders. Molly moved and slid a third, making Caleb keen with pleasure. 

“Molly, Molly, Molly.” Caleb was chanting in time with the rolling of his hips. “Don’t stop, so good, more, please, more.” He was shaking and he was getting close. 

“May I come, please, Molly please?” 

Molly slid his fingers out and Caleb whined in protest. 

“I want to be inside you when you cum.” Molly kissed along Caleb’s chest, sucking a mark into the skin above his heart. 

“Yes.” Caleb nodded. “Please, Molly.” He grabbed the lube and squeezed a dollop onto his hand. He worked Molly’s cock, coating him in the lube. “Please, fuck me.” He flicked his thumb over the piercing and Molly swore, his feet skittering over the sheets. “Please, sir.” 

“I love it when you call me that.” Molly said. He scraped his teeth over Caleb’s collarbone and ran his hands over Caleb’s ribs. “Beg me. Beg me for my cock.” 

“Please.” Caleb begged. He loved this. He loved the burn of the humiliation in his chest. “Please, Mollymauk, please fuck me. Please.” He guided Molly’s cock to his entrance and hovered there, waiting for permission. “Please, sir.” He kissed the corner of Molly’s mouth before tugging on the lip ring with his teeth. 

Molly moved his hands to Caleb’s hips and slowly pressed down.   
“Yes. That’s it darling. Take it. Take me.” He ordered. 

Caleb slowly sank onto Molly’s cock, gasping. His mouth fell open as his eyes slid shut as his hands found purchase in Molly’s hair. His head fell back as he moaned, his voice echoing off the walls of their room. It had been so long since he had been filled, since he had been stretched and fucked and felt the delightful burn of pleasure-pain along his spine. He was shaking already, taking Molly inch by inch, feeling the delicious slide of his cock and the drag of his jewelry along his insides. He controlled himself until he felt Molly bottom out, and then he stopped, getting used to the feeling of Molly’s cock inside of him. 

“Oh.” Molly gasped. “Oh fuck. Oh holy fuck.” Molly was shaking under Caleb. He was hot and tight around his cock and nothing Molly could have imagined could have prepared him for this. “Oh God.” He sobbed. Tears were forming in his eyes and he had to take deep steady breaths to keep from cumming. 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” Molly gasped. 

Caleb was damn near angelic like this, bliss and pleasure written across his face. His hands were tight in Molly’s hair and his eyes fluttered open. The beautiful blue was blown black with lust and the sex flush was creeping over his cheeks and down his jaw and down his neck. Molly’s shaking hand moved to brush some hair out of Caleb’s face. Caleb turned his head a pressed a kiss to the center of his palm. The gesture was so sweet and loving it brought tears to Molly’s eyes.

“May I move, sir?” Caleb asked, breathless. The burn of penetration was fading now, and Caleb needed to be fucked. 

“Yes.” Molly gasped. “Yes, and don’t stop until I tell you too.” 

Caleb rose on his thighs before sliding down. He cried out, one hand coming to the metal wall of their room to brace himself. The hand on his hips moved him into a rhythm, no longer letting Caleb bounce on his cock, but grinding down instead. The motion dragged the head of Molly’s cock against the bundle of nerves that had Caleb seeing stars. 

Molly starting babbling. 

“Oh fuck, look at you. You were made for this. You were made to take my cock. You were made to ride me.” His head fell back to the mattress and he drank in Caleb above him. One of his lover’s hands moved to his chest as the other tangled in his own hair. Caleb used Molly’s chest and stomach to brace himself as he moved fluidly, his hips working in a steady figure 8 pattern. 

“Goddamn you’re so beautiful. Why did we wait this long? Holy fuck I can’t stop looking at you. I’m going to want you to ride me again, I want you naked under me, I want you bent over in our Conpodd, on the bed, in the shower, anywhere you’ll let me have you.” Molly babbled. 

“Yes.” Caleb gasped out, biting his wrist. “Yes. All of it. You have me. All of me.” He bit his wrist again to keep from saying more. 

“Mine.” Molly snarled. He rose up into a sitting position and pulled Caleb into a kiss. “You’re mine, Caleb. Nobody else’s. Mine.” He bit at Caleb’s lips and his lover cried out. 

“Yours.” Caleb gasped. He slid his hands under Molly’s arms and grabbed his shoulders as Caleb started bouncing on Molly’s cock. The movements made his cock drag against Molly’s stomach, and he cried out into Molly’s mouth. One of Molly’s hands tangled in Caleb’s hair and yanked his head back, exposing his throat. Molly laved the pale skin he found with his tongue before sucking a deep and obvious mark into it. 

“Fuck. Fuck, Mollymauk.” Caleb gasped. One of Molly’s hands came to Caleb’s throat and squeezed gently. 

The pressure on his neck made Caleb shudder and his thighs start to shake.

“Please. Mollymauk, may I cum?” He asked for the third time that evening. He was close and he was shaking and he needed to cum. He needed to state the fire in his blood and the pressure in his belly. His cock was leaking all over Molly’s chest and stomach and with every movement Caleb got closer. He didn’t want to cum without permission, despite everything. 

He wanted to be good. 

Molly was close himself. He could feel it in the way the pressure in his bones was building and the way his breath was catching in his throat. He gave Caleb’s throat one last squeeze before dropping his hand. 

“Yes.” He said. “Cum for me, Caleb.” Molly dropped his hand to Caleb’s cock and it only took two strokes before Caleb was cumming, his whole body freezing. A whine escaped him as his eyes closed, his mouth dropping open. His whole body clenched as he tightened on Molly’s cock and dragged his nails down Molly’s back. 

Molly felt bloody furrows being dug into his back and the pain is what finally pushed him over. He threw his head back, groaning as he pulled Caleb’s hips flush with his cock as he spilled inside of his lover. Pleasure burned along his veins and then whited out his world as he cried out Caleb’s name. Molly was taken from his normal, babbling self and reduced to a moaning mess, unable to form a single word except for the three that he wanted to say the most. Molly moved and captured Caleb’s mouth in a kiss to keep from spilling those three little words. 

He couldn’t tell Caleb he loved him if his mouth was busy kissing him, right? He couldn’t spoil what was a truly mind-blowing moment with his own stupid emotional attachments if he couldn’t speak, right? Maybe he should be the idiot in the gag. 

He pulled back from the kiss, gasping for air. There was a fine sweat on his back and his neck and there was a bead of it trickling down Caleb’s face. Molly reached up and kissed it away, tasting salt on his tongue. 

“I…..” He gasped. “Wow.” 

Caleb shuddered. He was oversensitive now, but he didn’t want to leave Molly’s lap. His lover’s arms wrapped around his hips and he buried his face in Molly’s neck. 

“That’s….” Molly laughed. “Oh my God.” He kissed along Caleb’s neck and jaw, his hands moving over his lover’s back. He shifted so his feet were flat on the bed. 

“Can I get a color, my love? Are you still with me?” He asked. 

“Green.” Caleb’s voice was small and tired. He pulled back and kissed Molly softly. 

It had been a long time since Caleb felt his body like this. His thighs were burning and his neck was sore and his whole back was covered in a fine layer of sweat. He stretched languidly, stretching his arms over his head as his back cracked. 

“I have not felt this good in a long time.” Caleb admitted gently. 

“God you’re a mess.” Molly laughed. There was cum on Caleb’s chest and stomach and bite marks on his neck and hickeys damn near everywhere; on his chest and down his neck and on his shoulders. Caleb had handprints on his hips and his mouth was red and kiss swollen and there was handprint on his neck, in the exact shape of Molly’s hand. 

“I don’t mind.” Caleb said honestly. “It’s nice, being marked.” Molly pressed a soft kiss to the bruise forming between his collarbones. 

“You’ll have to wear a turtleneck for the interview.” He muttered, laughing softly. 

“Shit.” Caleb said. “I forgot about that.” 

Molly laughed. 

“Can’t have the whole world knowing about this.” Molly brushed a hand through Caleb’s hair. It was a tangled mess, now. He would have to brush it out for Caleb tomorrow. 

“You’re the only that gets to see me like this.” 

“And I’m honored.” 

Caleb was fucked out, eyes half-lidded in bliss, covered in cum and bites and hickeys and bruises and Molly’s possessive soul was writhing in pleasure. 

“I can’t clean you up if you don’t get off of me, love.” Molly muttered. 

“I don’t want you to.” Caleb admitted. “I like this. I like being filthy like this.” Caleb shifted and Molly’s cock slid out of him. They gasped as one, and Caleb fell to the side. Molly laid back and Caleb curled into him. 

“Really, though. That wasn’t too much?” He asked softy. He reached up and starting finger-combing Caleb’s hair gently. 

“Not at all.” His lover offered. Molly slowly undid a snarl with his fingertips. “If anything it wasn’t enough.” 

“Oh?” Molly asked gently. 

“I didn’t….I didn’t go into subspace.” Caleb muttered. “Normally my mind never shuts up. It’s hell. The only time I’m at peace in my own head is when I’m Drifting with you or in subspace. I haven’t been there in six months.” He whined. 

“Good thing I bought some things, then.” Molly said. “And you know, we don’t have anything to do tomorrow. We can stay in and try them. All of them. All day long.” He gently ran his nails over Caleb’s scalp. “Until you’re boneless and that beautiful brain of yours is quiet.” 

“I…” Caleb nodded. “Yes.” He was already excited. “Is that what was in the package?” 

“Yes. A lot of things.” Molly said. “Now get off of me, I need to wash myself.” Caleb rolled over just enough to let Molly wriggle out. He gasped in pain as his back pulled away from the sheets. He turned and on the sheets were ten streaks of blood. 

“Oh God your back.” Caleb blanched. “I am so sorry Molly.” 

Molly’s back was clawed to hell. Caleb looked down at his hands and there was blood under all of his nails. His stomach churned at the sight of what he had done to the man he loved. 

“Oh God, please forgive me.” Caleb reached out and pulled back, scared to hurt Molly again. 

“It’s alright, darling.” Molly said, rolling his shoulders. “I like it.” He admitted. 

“You’re alright with this?” Caleb asked softly. 

“Green as grass, my love.” Molly shot him a wink over his shoulder. He turned and gave Caleb a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” 

“Molly, I am leaking your cum out of my ass. Where would I go?” 

Molly laughed against Caleb’s mouth which made Caleb laugh. 

“Good point.” Molly laughed. He kissed Caleb again before sliding into the bathroom. Caleb heard the water run and he flopped back onto the bed, boneless. He shifted on the sheets, feeling Molly’s seed leak from him. He rolled onto his stomach, pillowing his head on his arms. He yawned, and his eyes drifted closed. 

He could have this for a little while longer, he decided. He could play this part for a bit more, of the friends with benefits partner. He could give Molly this without letting Molly know that he held Caleb’s heart in his hands. He could do this, and stave off the pain. 

He could be alone later. 

Molly came back into the bedroom to find Caleb on his belly, eyes closed, gently snoring. He smiled softly to himself and leaned against the wall. He was so beautiful, and Caleb had no idea how stunning he really was. Molly traced his eyes over his pale skin, peppered with marks of their lovemaking. He grabbed a blanket from the spare bed and tucked Caleb in before sliding in next to him. He reached up and turned off the lights before kissed Caleb’s forehead. 

“Goddamn I love you so much.” He whispered into the night. Caleb made a whiny noise and wrapped his arm around Molly in his sleep. “I love you so much and you have no idea.” He kissed Caleb’s temple before snuggling closer and drifting off himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the lovely enablers on the widomauk discord server. Find me on tumblr at matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll and on twitter at Mebeshe4815. Kudos and comments feed the plot bunnies.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a kinky, smutty interlude I wrote when ill. Enjoy.

Caleb woke slowly. He woke to the feeling of the sheets on his naked body, to the feeling of dried sweat on his skin, to the feeling of bites and bruises on his neck, to the feeling his thighs, sore and burning from use. He woke feeling like he had gotten fucked to within an inch of his life, and he loved it. He felt Molly’s hand on his back and Molly’s breath on his shoulders and Molly’s legs tangled with his and he rested his head against Molly’s. 

Waking up next to Molly was one of his private joys. He cherished these quiet moments, curled up with his lover, slowly waking to the world around them. He shifted and then gasped as pain flared hot along his hips. He groaned and Molly woke. 

“Caleb?” Molly mumbled. “What’s wrong?” He looked up the ceiling to the light set into it. “It is a Kaiju?” There was no voice saying there was movement in the Breach, no alarms or flashing lights. 

“No, no.” Caleb muttered. “I’m a bit sore.” He confessed. He moved slowly, running his hand over a thigh. “It has been a long time since I got fucked like that.” 

“That was only my first time.” Molly pointed. “Imagine what I’ll be like when I’m more experienced.” 

Caleb didn’t want to think about Molly taking others to bed. He didn’t want to think about it, or the spike of pain that Molly’s words had caused. 

“I’ll rock your world even more.” Molly turned and kissed Caleb gently. 

“What?” Caleb asked in confusion. 

“Well yeah.” Molly said. “That was basically me loosing my virginity for the second time. Now that I’ve had my cherry popped….” Molly grinned. 

“You have not had your cherry popped until I have been inside of you.” Caleb replied with a grin. Molly lifted an eyebrow and start to kiss along Caleb’s jaw. 

“That could be arraigned.” He muttered, nipping his lover’s jaw. “But first I want to do something for you.” Molly rolled off the bed and padded into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth, knowing how Caleb felt about morning breath. He then walked over to their little fridge, not caring that he was naked, and dug out a tray of left overs and two energy drinks. He sat on the bed and passed Caleb a drink before cracking open the tub. 

“Val will kill us for eating it cold.” Caleb reached into the tub and pulled out some of the left over beef. She knew he didn’t eat pork. 

“She doesn’t have to know.” Molly said with a wink. Caleb shook his head and watched as Molly dug about for a box. He hauled a box about the size of Nott onto the bed, then dumped it out. Caleb rose up and winced in pain. 

“Molly….” He gasped. “How much did you spend….on…” He blushed, his face going as red as his hair. 

“Sex toys?” Molly asked, taking a swing of his Red Bull. “More than you’d like to know.” He dug about until he found the bottle he wanted. 

“Here.” He passed it to Caleb. Caleb read the label, forming the English with his mouth. 

“You….you want to give me a massage?” He asked gently. 

“Yeah. I’m the reason your body hurts. It’s only right that I ease the pain.” Molly took some beef and ate it, before licking the juice from his fingers. Caleb’s eyes flickered to his fingers and he shook his head softly. 

“Do you remember the night we had sushi in this bed?” He asked. He took a bit of the meat and held it out for Molly to eat. 

“How can I forget?” Molly laughed. He opened his mouth and Caleb slid the shard of meat into it, before running his thumb over Molly’s bottom lip. 

“When I fed you that sushi I ended up hard.” Caleb confessed. 

“So did I.” Molly laughed. “I’ve wanted you since the moment we Drifted.” He ran his tongue along the pad of Caleb’s thumb, smirking. 

“Wicked man, Mollymauk.” Caleb said. Molly’s cock twitched against his thigh and he glanced down. 

“Call me that again?” He asked, glancing up. 

“What? Mollymauk?” Caleb asked, his voice low and gravelly. 

“I think you just gave me a boner from calling me by my full name.” Molly admitted. “Or maybe it’s your voice when it’s low.” 

“You like my voice?” Caleb asked. 

“Of course I do.” Molly ripped off a chunk of meat and held it out to Caleb. His lover ran his tongue over the pad of thumb before taking the meat from him. “It’s a good voice. Plus the way you sound when I’m balls-deep in you is intoxicating.” 

Caleb blushed and stammered a few times as Molly laughed. 

“Darling, you’re covered in bites marks, hand prints and still have cum on you. No need to be shy.” Molly laughed some more. 

“This is who I am.” Caleb stated. 

“I know.” And Molly loved him for it. “Finish your breakfast while I find out which toys I want to use on you today.” Molly ran hands over the toys, spreading them out. 

Caleb pulled a large chunk of beef into his mouth and then his eyes widened. 

“That.” He pointed. “I want that.” 

Molly gave a low, predatory grin and handed Caleb what he had pointed to. 

It was the nipple clamps, attached to the collar. Caleb’s eyes went dark and he shuddered as he ran his fingers along the collar. 

“I was hoping you’d like that.” Molly said. His voice was low with arousal and he glanced into Caleb’s face. “I want to tie you up and attach those to you.” 

“Yes.” Caleb nodded. “Yes.” 

“Pick other things, too. I know we won’t get through them all today but we can get a decent head start.” Molly said. They had nearly finished their breakfast and he chugged his Red Bull. Caleb took the last bite and offered half of it to Molly without thinking as he looked over the toys. Molly took the half and then took the plastic container as Caleb pondered. 

Caleb’s clean hand ran over the toys before settling on a plug that seemed fun, and the cock rings. He also found a bottle of bright pink lube and he frowned. 

“Molly, why did you get cotton candy lube?” He asked. 

“Shits and giggles, mostly.” Molly said with a shrug. 

He washed his hands and then returned, watching Caleb pick through the toys on the bed as he licked his fingers clean. Something in Molly’s soul stirred with pleasure. Something in him said yes, this is how it was meant to be, he was meant to do this, meant to take charge and take care of Caleb and Caleb was meant to submit. Caleb looked up at him, his thumb caught in his mouth. They locked eyes and Molly ran his tongue over his lip. 

“What is it?” Caleb asked, his voice low. 

“You look good, naked in our bed.” Molly admitted. He stalked forward a step at a time. “I want you to keep you like this.” He moved closer and ran his hand through Caleb’s hair. “I want to keep you naked in our bed, covered in my marks.” He tangled his fingers in Caleb’s ginger locks and pulled his head back. 

Caleb eyes fluttered shut as his hair was pulled and his head yanked back. He was growing hard already, just from Molly’s words. 

“Yes.” He gasped. The phrase ‘our bed’ pleased Caleb down to his bones. He turned and kissed along the soft skin of Molly’s lower belly. There were tattoos here, too. Tattoos of flowers and the head of the peacock peering at him with one red eye. Caleb laved the curve of the neck with his tongue before scraping his teeth over Molly’s hip. 

“Good boy, Caleb.” Molly ran his hand over Caleb’s hair. His lover shuddered at the praise dripping from Molly’s voice before shifted. He moved slowly, his muscles sore. He sat on the edge of the bed, spreading his legs. Molly stepped closer and Caleb’s hands clenched on his thighs. 

“May I touch you, sir?” Caleb asked. 

“Oh darling, you don’t have to ask to touch me.” Molly said. “I love your hands on my skin.” 

Caleb ran his hands over Molly’s thighs, feeling the circuitry burns under his fingers. He kissed across Molly’s stomach, the swell of his cock brushing his jaw. 

Molly gasped at the feeling of Caleb’s beard on his dick. He reached down and threaded both of his hands into Caleb’s hair. 

“I want you to suck my cock, darling. Then, once you’ve swallowed, I’ll put a plug in you, give you that massage, tie you up, clamp you and collar you, and then fuck you until you’re screaming my name for the whole fucking Shatterdome to hear.” Molly cupped Caleb’s cheek and ran his thumb over Caleb’s bottom lip. “How does that sound?” 

“Yes.” Caleb mouthed along the shaft of Molly’s cock. He traced his tongue over the veins, feeling it harden under his touch. 

“Wait.” Molly pulled back, making Caleb whine with displeasure. “I want to put a cock ring on you.” He rifled through the goodies on the bed before finding the steel one. “If that’s alright?” He broke the persona of the Dominant for a moment to cup Caleb’s face. 

“Yes, Mollymauk.” Caleb turned and kisses the palm of his hand. 

“Good.” Molly kissed him, and Caleb whined into the kiss. Molly reached down and found that Caleb was only half hard. “Perfect.” He said, slipping the ring on and locking it in place. It nestled right at the base of his cock, above his balls, and Caleb shuddered at the feeling of it on his skin. 

“God, Molly.” He gasped. Molly stood and Caleb clutched at the back of his thigh as his head dropped to Molly’s hip. 

“Caleb? Give me a color, my love.” Molly ordered. His hands came to card through Caleb’s hair. 

“Green.” Caleb gasped. His cock was rapidly growing and he whined at the feeling of the ring tightening, which only made him harder. 

“Good boy. Now back to what you were doing.” Molly ordered. 

“Yes, sir.” Caleb kissed along the shaft of Molly’s cock before flicking the tip of his tongue over the stud at the base of his head. 

“Fuck.” Molly gasped, his hands coming to Caleb’s hair again. Caleb brought a hand up to work the shaft of Molly’s cock as he tugged on the stud with his teeth lightly. 

“Yes.” Molly hissed. “That’s it, don’t stop.” He gasped. Caleb moved and started bobbing his head along Molly’s cock. 

Molly groaned his head falling back. Caleb’s hands came to his ass and slowly started rocking him back and forth. 

“You want me to fuck your face?” Molly asked. Caleb whined, nodding. Molly hadn’t given him permission to stop. “Good. Good boy, Caleb.” Molly gripped Caleb’s hair. “If you want me to stop, smack my thigh, alright?” Caleb squeezed his ass to let him know he understood before closing his eyes and submitting. 

Caleb giving in and letting Molly have control was a breathtakingly beautiful thing. His eyes slid shut and Molly could see the tension bleed from his shoulders. The worry lines around his eyes faded and he looked younger than his age, when he stopped carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Molly slid his cock into Caleb’s mouth and his lover whined. 

“Slowly darling.” Molly said. “I’m not going to gag you with my cock until you’ve proven you deserve it.”

Caleb shuddered and ran his tongue over the shaft of Molly’s cock. Molly settled into a slow, languid rhythm. His fucked Caleb’s face slowly, taking his time with his pleasure. He took his pleasure from Caleb’s mouth, gasping at the feeling of his lover’s tongue on his cock. His fingers spasmed as the tip of Caleb’s tongue caught on his studs. 

“God, the things you can do with your mouth.” Molly gasped out. “Fuck, spending a day in bed with you was a brilliant idea.” He shuddered as Caleb did something with his mouth that his toes curling on the concrete floor. 

“Fuck. So good.” He slid his cock back until he felt Caleb’s soft palate. He heard and felt Caleb gag and pulled back to let Caleb breathe. 

“Molly, please.” Caleb whined. “Don’t stop.” He opened his mouth and looked up at Molly, eyes wide and blown black with want. 

“Fuck how can I deny you when you ask me like that?” Molly slid his cock into Caleb’s mouth and down his tongue to the back of his throat. Caleb took a breath through his nose and swallowed, and Molly’s cock slid into Caleb’s throat. 

“Oh fuck!” Molly swore, pressing Caleb’s nose to the soft skin of his lower stomach. He held his lover there until he felt Caleb gag, then pulled back. Caleb gasped for air, his hand coming up to work Molly’s cock. 

He was aching and hard and leaking onto his stomach. He kissed along Molly’s length as he gasped for breath. His lungs were burning and his jaw was aching and there tears down his cheeks and there was saliva all over his mouth and down his chin but it wasn’t enough. His mind wasn’t quite quiet. 

“Molly.” He whined. He sucked a mark into the skin of his lover’s thigh. “Molly.” He wasn’t able to quite say what he needed. 

“Do you need more?” Molly asked. Bless Molly and his spot-on intuition. Caleb nodded, shifting. 

“Think you can go on your knees?” Molly asked. Caleb slid slowly, relishing the burn of his muscles. 

“Do you trust me?” Molly asked. He cupped Caleb’s face. Caleb glanced up into Molly’s eyes. 

Molly was his other half, the right half of his brain, his co-pilot, his lover, the man he would love and cherish until he died even if Molly never felt the same way for him. 

Of course he trusted him. He nodded. 

“Hands behind your back, darling.” Molly said. Caleb did as Molly ordered and he felt Molly move his hands until they were clutching his wrists. “Now,” Molly said right into Caleb’s ear, “if you move your hands, I will stop. I will stop and I will leave you hard and aching and wanting and I will bring myself off so you can only look at me, and not touch me.” Authority dripped from Molly’s voice like sugar and Caleb whined with it. 

“Yes.” He gasped. “Yes, sir I will be good.” 

“Good.” Molly took a moment to kiss Caleb’s temple gently. “You’re being so good for me, darling.” He stood before Caleb again and threaded his hands into Caleb’s hair. 

Caleb’s body reacted on instinct; he opened his mouth and covered his teeth with his lips as his eyes shut. He felt Molly’s cock slide into his mouth and down his waiting throat. 

He loved this. He loved being used like this. He loved Molly’s hand in his hair and Molly’s voice in his ears and the taste and texture of Molly’s cock in his mouth. Caleb suspected that his autism had something to do with it, but right now he didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think at all. He whined as Molly fucked his face, drool slipping from his lips down to his chin to his chin. He clutched at his arms, unwilling to break the order that his Sir had sent him. His cock was throbbing and aching against the confines of the cock ring and he really wanted to beg Molly to let him cum, but he knew that Molly would let him cum when he thought that Caleb deserved it. Not before, no matter how much Caleb begged. 

“Fuck.” Molly gasped above him. “Oh fuck you’re beautiful like this, on your knees with my cock in your throat, oh God you’re so good at this, such a good boy for me Caleb.” Caleb ran his tongue over the stud in Molly’s cock and his lover’s eyes flew open. 

“Fuck that’s it, do that again.” Molly pulled his cock out of Caleb’s mouth and starting working it with his free hand. Caleb laved his tongue over the metal stud and Molly came, streaking Caleb’s tongue and cheeks with his cum. 

Molly writhed where he stood before his knees gave out. He rested his head against Caleb’s collar bone, catching his breath. He wrapped his arms around Caleb, kissing along his collar bone. 

“So good.” He said. “You can move your hands now, pet.” He kissed Caleb’s cheek as his lover wrapped his arms around him. 

“Can I get a color, darling?” Molly asked, reaching up with a hand to wipe at the cum on his face. He licked his fingers clean as Caleb caught his breath. 

“Green.” Caleb kissed him gently. 

“Did it work?” Molly asked, smiling. “Did you hit subspace?” 

Caleb shook his head. “No.” 

“Well, we have all day.” Molly said with a grin. He slowly stood and gently helped Caleb to his feet. Caleb whined in pain and Molly guided him to the bed. 

“I know, darling, I know.” Molly kissed his cheeks. “I said I’d give you a massage and I will.” Caleb laid down on his back and Molly got a good look at him. He was hard and leaking onto his belly still and Molly sat on the edge of the bed as he grabbed the massage oil. Molly reached over and ran the tip of a finger up Caleb’s cock. His lover whined, thrashing his head on the bed. 

“Molly.” He whined. 

“Hush, Caleb.” Molly pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “You’ll get your pleasure in time. Now lay on your stomach for me.” Molly kissed him gently before Caleb did as Molly ordered. He laid down on his stomach and gasped at the feeling of the sheets on his cock. He felt the bed shift as Molly pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades. 

“Hands under your head darling. Get cozy for me.” Molly muttered. Caleb did as Molly said. Molly was slipping on the mantle of the Dom with ease and it thrilled Caleb. He rested his cheek against his arm and shut his eyes. “Good boy, Caleb.” Molly said. “I’m going to put the plug in now.” He said. Caleb felt Molly’s fingers brush against his ass and spread his legs. 

“So eager for this.” Molly laughed gently. He felt something brush against him, slick and hard and cool to the touch and Caleb whined. Molly slowly pressed the toy inside and Caleb bit the pillow to keep from making noise. Molly paused, the toy stretching him just enough to burn delightfully. 

“None of that now, darling.” Molly chided. “I want to hear you.” He pulled the toy out, slowly. Caleb whined and then slipped into a gasp when Molly let the plug seat fully inside of him. 

It wasn’t as big as Molly’s cock to be sure, but it was delightfully curved and heavy and Caleb shifted his hips and then gasped as it rubbed against his prostate. 

“Molly.” He gasped. 

“Yes darling?” Molly rested his hand on the center of his back, firm and grounding. “Do you like it?” 

“Ja.” Caleb nodded. “Is good.” 

“Excellent. Now, you are going to tell me if this gets too much for you.” Molly said. “That’s an order.” 

“Yes, sir.” Caleb said gently. He felt Molly straddle his thighs and head the click of a bottle opening. He heard Molly rub his hands together and then felt Molly’s strong, capable, dexterous hands run up this muscles of his back. He groaned at the feeling of Molly kneading the muscles of his shoulders, forcing the tension from them. 

Molly hummed softly as he worked, running his hands over Caleb’s body. Caleb didn’t know the song but he found Molly’s voice relaxing to listen too. He let his mind drift, wandering from thought to thought without attempting to control it. He knew he over thought everything and he wanted to enjoy this. 

He felt Molly’s hand move from his shoulders down to his back down to his ass, moving the plug inside of him. He gasped softly, and Molly chuckled. 

“Oh darling. You’re beautiful.” Molly said gently. He ran his thumb over the plug and clicked something off to the side. 

Caleb gasped when he felt the plug start to vibrate. 

“Oh.” He gasped, starting to writhe on the bed. 

“Now, now, I thought you were going to be good for me.” Molly said gently. He bit Caleb’s shoulder and the red head stilled. 

“Yes. I will be.” Caleb muttered. His voice had gone breathy at the feeling of the vibrating plug right on the bundle of nerves that sent white-hot sparks of pleasure shooting up his spine. “I promise.” 

“Good. I haven’t gotten to your legs yet.” Molly pressed a soft kiss to the back of Caleb’s neck. “Remember, you can’t cum without my permission.” 

“Yes, sir.” Caleb gasped out softly. Molly kissed his shoulder before sliding down Caleb’s back to run his strong hands up Caleb’s thighs. 

This was the part of him that ached the most, and as Molly eased the pain and soreness from his thighs Caleb couldn’t help the small, needy, desperate noises that came from his throat. Soon he was soft and pliant and every touch of Molly’s hands wrung noises from him. He was aching and throbbing and every touch of the sheets on his cock made him that more desperate for anything Molly would give him. 

“Now, darling, are you ready to be tied up?” Molly asked. Caleb shivered with anticipation and nodded. 

“Yes.” He gasped. “Please, Molly.” 

“On your knees for me Caleb.” Molly said. He moved back and grabbed the rope and the remote control for the plug. He had been studying and memorizing how to do the chest harness that would be best for this. 

He tucked the remote within arm’s reach and ran the rope between his palms. The bamboo fiber was soft against the palms of his hands and didn’t catch on the callouses he had. The rope was a deep emerald, sure to bring out the beauty of Caleb’s eyes and hair and skin. 

“Spread your legs for me darling. Hands behind your back.” Molly moved closer and let the rope brush against Caleb’s skin. Caleb gasped and did as Molly ordered. 

He worked smoothly and slowly, hands and rope winding about Caleb’s body. Molly watched as Caleb’s face grew more and more lax and his eyes grew more and more unfocused. He watched as Caleb’s hips stopped working in little circles and stilled. He watched as Caleb’s mouth fell open in a tiny, little ‘o’. As he tied the last knot in place, securing Caleb’s hands behind his back, he watched his lover go soft and pliant. 

“Caleb, darling. Give me a color.” He brushed some of the hair from Caleb’s face. 

“Green.” Caleb’s voice was soft. “Green, sir.” 

“Good.” Molly grabbed Caleb by the chin and kissed him softly. 

Caleb’s mind was finally, finally quiet. He relished the feeling of the little anxiety gremlin that lived in the back of his head shutting the fuck up. He felt Molly check his finger tips with a hand as he kissed down his neck, but he didn’t react to it. His mind had gone soft and fuzzy, and he felt, for the first time in a very long time, attractive. He had always felt attractive, bound in rope. 

“I’m going to put the clamps and the collar on now, and then I’m going to fuck you until you’re screaming my name.” Molly muttered into his ear. He felt Molly’s cock press against his thigh, hard and throbbing. 

“Yes, sir.” Caleb said gently. 

Caleb’s voice was far away and his eyes were unfocused and part of Molly was a bit concerned. It looked, to Molly, as if Caleb was high. Caleb had given him the color green, though, so he went on trusting Caleb. He picked up the clamps and gently, gently attached them to Caleb’s nipples. 

He watched as Caleb’s breathing picked up and his eyes went wide. He slid the collar onto Caleb’s throat and clipped it shut. He reached his fingers between the leather and Caleb’s throat to check the fit, like he had read to do. 

“Color.” He demanded. 

“Green.” Caleb gasped. “Oh God, green green green.” Caleb whined. His hips were thrusting again and Molly tugged on the chain with his fingers. Caleb cried out, his voice echoing through their rooms. 

“That’s it darling. I want you hear you. I like hearing you.” He grinned a feral grin and span about on the bed. Molly stood over him, feet planted wide, one hand on Caleb’s shoulders, the other tangled in the rope. Slowly, slowly, he pushed Caleb down until his face was pressed into the sheets. He ran his hands up Caleb’s body and kissed the spaces of his skin. 

“Goddamn you’re beautiful like this. Bound in rope, waiting for me.” Molly said. He reached down and gently pulled the plug out. He turned it off and laid on the bed side table to be cleaned later. 

Caleb whined at the empty feeling and arched his back, trying to tempt Molly into fucking him. He heard the air whistling and then felt Molly’s hand connect with the meat of his ass. He gasped at the sharp pain flaring on his skin and he whined with it. 

“I’ll fuck you when I fuck you.” Molly snarled. He tugged on the rope, pulling Caleb to his knees. “I will fuck you when I am good and ready to fuck you, is that understood, pet?” He spoke right into the shell of Caleb’s ear, breath ghosting over Caleb’s face. 

“Yes.” Caleb nodded. “Yes, sir, I understand.” Molly shoved his fingers into Caleb’s mouth and he laved them with his tongue. He sucked on them, tasting their breakfast and the cinnamon taste of the massage oil from earlier. 

“Good boy, Caleb.” Molly pulled his fingers from Caleb’s mouth and trialed them over his hole. Caleb fought the urge to be a brat and push back against Molly’s hand. He was going to be good for Molly. He wanted to be good for Molly. He loved Molly, so he would be good for the man he loved. 

Slowly, slowly, slowly, Molly slid a single finger inside of him. Caleb was loose from the plug and relaxed from the massage, so Molly met very little resistance. He pressed small kisses along Caleb’s skin, placing his lips on every freckle he found. 

“That’s it darling. Be good for me. I know you can. You’ve been so good already.” Molly eased a second finger in and slowly worked his hand. His other hand came up to curl around Caleb’s neck and squeeze the sides gently. 

“Molly.” He gasped. His cock was aching of God did he need to cum. He knew better than to beg, he knew that Molly would let him cum when he thought that Caleb deserved it. Caleb was flushed and hard and leaking and he had been aroused for an over an hour now and he just wanted release. 

“Do you want me?” Molly asked into the shell of his ear. “Do you want my cock?” 

“Yes.” Caleb said. “Yes, sir.” 

“Beg me.” Molly demanded. He squeezed Caleb’s throat tighter and Caleb keened. His head was swimming delightfully and he was fully in subspace now, obeying Molly’s every whim. 

“Please, sir.” Caleb begged. “Please. Please Mollymauk please.” His voice cracked and tears formed in his eyes. 

“You beg so pretty for me darling.” Molly let go of Caleb’s throat to pet his hair as Caleb gasped for breath. Molly tangled the fingers of one hand in the rope and used the other to guide his cock to Caleb’s entrance. He pushed Caleb down until he was face-first in the sheets and slowly, gently pressed his cock into Caleb. 

“Oh.” Caleb gasped. “Oh God, Mollymauk.” 

“Say my name again.” Molly ordered. He tangled his finger’s in Caleb’s hair as he slowly pushed his cock into Caleb. “Again.” 

“Mollymauk.” Caleb gasped. He felt Molly bottom out inside of him and he whined on the bed. “Oh God, yes, Mollymauk, please.” His voice cracked. “Please.” 

“Please what, darling?” Molly asked. He was shaking with the effort of staying still. He wanted Caleb to ask for it. 

“Please, Mollymauk.” Caleb writhed. Molly tugged on Caleb’s hair, arching his back. Pain bloomed sharp along his scalp and Caleb gasped. “Please fuck me, sir.” Caleb whimpered. 

“Good boy.” Molly pressed a kiss to Caleb’s cheek and set up a brutal, punishing rhythm. 

“Oh God.” Caleb cried out. He couldn’t do anything but hold on and beg as he was fucked to within an inch of his life. He loved this. This is what he had been needed. The feeling of rope on his skin and a hand in his hair and his voice echoing around the room as the sound of skin on skin and his lover’s voice filled his ears. 

Molly was babbling, he knew it. He knew that running his mouth was dangerous, that he could confess his love to Caleb when he was balls-deep in his lover, which is not how he planned to confess it at all. Molly grabbed the ropes with both hands and hauled Caleb up, pressing his chest to Caleb’s back. 

“That’s it, take it, you’re so beautiful like this Caleb.” Molly sucked a mark into the skin of Caleb’s cock. Caleb wailed at the change in angle and had started babbling in German. Molly ran his hand over Caleb’s hip to work his cock. 

Caleb _wailed_ at the touch of Molly’s hand. He arched into it, crying out. He ended up chanting Molly’s name like a prayer into his mouth as he shook. 

“Do you want to cum for me?” Molly asked, biting Caleb’s bottom lip. He was close himself and by God he was going to make Caleb cum before he got his please. 

“Yes.” Caleb gasped. “Please, God, bitte, Molly, bitte.” He had slipped into German without thinking. 

Molly opened the metal cock ring with a flick of his thumb and let it fall to the floor with a clatter. He wrapped his hand around Caleb’s cock and all it took was three strokes and Caleb was screaming as he came, his legs nearly giving out as he clenched around Molly’s cock. 

The noises that Caleb was making was did Molly in. He gasped softly before sinking his teeth into the meat of Caleb’s should to keep from gasping a love confession. He gripped Caleb close as he broke apart with pleasure. He pulled his mouth from Caleb’s shoulder and pressed his forehead to the back of Caleb’s neck. He kissed the sweat softly, running a hand up and down Caleb’s ribs. 

“Caleb? Are you with me?” He asked. Caleb made a soft noise. 

“I’m going to pull out and then untie you, alright?” Molly did just that, hissing as he slipped free. He made quick work of the knots and the clamps and the collar, taking everything off and shoving it in a pile. He could deal with it later.

The moment he was free Caleb collapsed onto the bed and curled around a pillow. Molly grabbed a big water bottle from the fridge and sat down next to Caleb. 

“Come on my love, drink up.” He opened it and passed it to Caleb. Caleb shifted to rest his head on Molly’s thigh as he slowly took a sip. Molly started combing his fingers through Caleb’s hair as his free hand cleaned up his chest. 

“You were so good for me.” Molly praised. “I’m so proud of you.” He gently worked the knots and snarls out of Caleb’s hair. “I am so proud of you. Thank you.” 

Caleb glanced up to Molly, surprise on his face. 

“Thank you for what?” He asked gently. He closed his eyes at the feeling of Molly’s hands in his hair. Molly threw the filthy tissue to the side and tangled his free hand with Caleb. 

Molly brought up Caleb’s hand and pressed tiny kisses along his palm, over his inner wrist, over the feathers of the tattoo.

“Thank you for trusting me enough to do this with me.” Molly said gently. Caleb smiled softly. He reached up and cupped Molly’s cheek. 

“You are very welcome, Mollymauk Tealeaf.” Caleb said. Molly bit his lip.

“You know, I think you’ve trained me to get an erection every time you say my full name.” Molly confessed. Caleb broke into a smile and wheezed a rusty laugh. 

“I am sorry.” 

“No you’re not.” 

“You are right. I am not.” Caleb confessed. Molly beamed down at him. Molly bent his head and kissed him. Caleb kissed him back and then turned his head to yawn. 

“Hey, why don’t you drink that and then we can nap?” Molly asked. 

“A nap sounds wonderful.” Caleb confessed. He drank the rest of the bottle and placed it carefully on the bed stand to be recycled later. He shifted, moving slowly and laying on his back. 

“Oh dear.” Molly said, taking his wrists in his hands. 

There were bruises on his wrists, the kind that only came from rope. 

“There’s marks here, too.” Molly trailed hands up Caleb’s biceps and over his shoulders. “And you’re bitten all to hell.” 

“I have collared shirts.” Caleb said. 

“Good.” Molly kissed him gently, cupping his face. “Even though a little part of me wants to show the world that you’re mine.” 

“Molly…” A wicked grin spread over Caleb’s face. “If I wear a shirt that shows them off, you have to wear one that shows off yours.” 

A matching grin spread over Molly’s face.

“That, my love, is a deal.” He kissed Caleb again and laughed into Caleb’s mouth. “Now let’s make like a cat and nap.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, unedited because life is kicking my ass right now and there are no spoons left, only knives. Find me on tumblr at matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll and on twitter at mebeshe4815. Kudos and comments feed the plot bunnies.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interview is held. A panic attack happens. A decision is made.

Caleb woke slowly, reaching for Molly like he always did. His hand found bare sheets. He was no longer rising slowly and gently; fear pieced his stomach as his heart started to race. He rose up in bed, running his hand over the sheets. 

They were cold. 

He flung himself out of bed and paused only to grab a pair of sweats and jam them on, unaware that they were Molly’s. He searched the room, the bathroom, the fridge - anywhere that Molly might have left a note. 

There was none. 

His breaths came heavy and his head was spinning and all of a sudden he was in the hospital room again, waking next to an empty bed and the crushing realization that he was alone. 

“Molly.” He whimpered softly. He felt the phantom hands of the orderlies pushing him back into the hospital bed as he screamed for Chris. His knees went weak and he had to grab the wall to keep standing as his memories beat him senseless. 

Not again. 

He would not allow this to happen again. 

Caleb pushed the door open with a shoulder and ran out of their room, making a plan. He didn’t care that he was barefoot and shirtless, hair wild, bites and scratches and love bruises showing to the world. He had to find Molly. 

He ran down the hall, ignoring the cries of alarm. He didn’t care that to most people a Jaeger pilot on the run meant a Kaiju on the shore. He ran to the mess hall, pushing people out of the way. 

If Molly had just woken up, food and coffee would be his first priority.

Caleb rad into the caf, down the main hall, and slid to a stop. He scanned the crowd, swearing in German when he found himself too short to see everyone. He climbed a table, not caring when his feet landed in someone’s breakfast. He searched the sea of heads for Molly’s distinctive purple hair. 

He was gold and brown and black and gray and red and even a few bald heads, but not purple. 

No Molly. 

He flung himself from the table and ran. 

In the Jaeger bay was what was commonly called the pilot’s nest; a collection of couches and chairs and rugs with a sound system right next to the coffee machines and the fridges. Caleb ran through the Jaeger bay, ignoring the cries from their mechanics. He stumbled over something and didn’t notice when one of his toenails was ripped half-off. 

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Beau, newly freed from her cast, rose up from the couch. 

“Molly.” Caleb swallowed. “Molly’s gone.” 

“He’s around here somewhere dude, the ferry hasn’t gone anywhere today.” Beau said gently. He clambered onto the couch, and looked. 

No purple hair. No Molly. 

He whimpered in fear, his mind running with a thousand scenarios as he booked it to LOCCENT, leaving Beau on the couch. He ran through, leaving a trial of bloody footprints. 

“Caleb?” Jester looked up from her charts, concern on her round face. 

“Have you..have you seen Molly?” He asked softly. 

“No, Caleb.” Bryce walked around the command console. They had concern on every part of their face as they reached a hand to Caleb. “Pilot, are you alright?” 

Caleb swore in German and ran his hands through his hair. His panic was getting worse as he pushed past the Komandant and into the Peacock’s Conpod. 

“Molly?” He called out, despite the face he could see the whole pod and there wasn’t anywhere to hide. 

No Molly. 

“Fuck.” He swore, tears of terror springing into his eyes. “Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.”

He ran back out of LOCCENT and paused at a four way intersection. He knew the layout of the Shatterdome like the back of his hand; to the front of him was the mess hall, the Jaeger bay, and the dorms. To his left was the library and the chapels. Behind him was LOCCENT. To the right the receiving bay and the ferry dock. 

It was left or right. 

Caleb remembered how Molly had reacted when he had seen the rosary, and he remembered Beau saying the ferry hadn’t left today. He grabbed the nearest person, spinning them around to face him. 

“What day of the week is it?” He snarled. 

“I…what?” They stammered. 

“What day of the week!?” Caleb roared. 

“Sunday.” They said. “It’s Sunday!” They cowered. 

Caleb dropped their arm and ran to the left. He passed the library and turned the corner to see people streaming out of the open doors of the chapel. There was a priest greeting them all and shaking their hands and having quiet conversations with the few in the Shatterdome who were faithful enough to attend Mass. 

Sure enough coming out of the chapel, was Molly. 

Caleb felt tears run down his cheeks as he ran down the hall. He didn’t give Molly any warning, he just tackled him in a hug. 

“Caleb?” Molly asked, startled. “What is it? Is it a Kaiju?” He asked. 

“You were gone.” Caleb’s voice was small as he wrapped his arms around Molly’s chest. He buried his face in Molly’s neck and held his lover tight. 

“I woke up and you were gone and I didn’t know where you were and oh God it was like before and Molly I was so scared I didn’t know where you were.” He babbled. 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Molly cooed gently. He wrapped his arms around Caleb as he sobbed. 

“I’m sorry.” Molly said. He kissed Caleb’s hair as he squeezed Caleb tight. “I didn’t realize waking up alone would scare you.” He didn’t want to use the word ‘trigger’ in public. He didn’t want the world to know about this part of Caleb. 

“I just didn’t want to wake you. You were sleeping so peacefully.” Molly had nearly been late to Mass because he had been watching Caleb sleep. “I won’t do this again.” Molly said firmly. “If I have to leave, I’ll either wake you or leave a note. I promise.” 

Caleb wasn’t letting go. He was rocking in place like he had when he was a child, when he had been distressed over something. He was crying into Molly’s neck, unable to let go. He had found Molly. 

He wasn’t alone anymore. 

He had found Molly. 

“I’m here, Caleb.” Molly said softly. “I’m here. It’s alright. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Alright folks, move along.” The priest said gently. He urged the congregation to move. He made sure that Molly and Caleb were granted privacy. 

Molly moved with Caleb as he rocked, holding him tight and pressing small kisses to all he could reach. Eventually, though, he had to pull away. 

“Caleb, you’re crushing me.” Molly said softly. Caleb pulled back and wiped at his face. “Caleb, your foot.” Molly said in horror. Caleb looked down at saw his foot was crusted in half dried blood. His little toenail had been ripped half-off, and he looked down the hall to see a trail of bloody footprints down it. 

“Oh.” He said gently. He shifted his weight, just noticing the pain blooming. 

“You didn’t notice, did you darling?” Molly asked. Caleb just shook his head. Molly cupped his cheeks and kissed his forehead gently. 

“I’m sorry.” Caleb muttered. 

It tore Molly up to realize the distress he had put Caleb through. He had never meant for this to happen. He had never meant to cause Caleb to go into a full blown panic attack, triggered by waking up alone. He had never meant to fall in love with Caleb. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, darling.” Molly shucked out of his jacket and draped it across Caleb’s shoulders. Caleb wrapped it around himself, burying his face in the denim. He calmed down almost at once, his heart beat finally slowing. 

“Caleb, I want you to meet Father Tim.” Molly said gently. 

“I know who you are.” Father Tim said gently. He was an older man, with hair graying at the temple. His face was long and slim, and he was a bit on the shorter side. His skin was dark and his voice was accented with someplace that Caleb didn’t know. “I know who all the pilots are. We all do here.” He held out a hand. “I am sorry we had to meet like this.” 

“So…so am I.” Caleb said truthfully. He shook the priests hand and he was now aware of how much of a scene he had caused. He went pale and glanced to Molly. 

“So….I ah…ran through the whole Shatterdome looking for you.” He confessed. “I may have - ah - what is the English….made a scene?” 

“Caleb, what did you do?” Molly asked.

“Like I said. I went everywhere. I didn’t expect you to be here.” Caleb gestured with his hand to the chapel. 

“We’ll deal with this later. Come on, let’s get back to our room. We have to get ready for the interview.” He cupped the back of Caleb’s neck and saw the tell-tale flutter of Caleb’s eyelashes. He calmed down at once with the presence of Molly’s hand mimicking the pressure of a collar on his neck. 

“Ja.” Caleb muttered. 

Molly moved to Caleb’s bad side and Caleb slung his arm over Molly’s shoulder as Molly’s hand came to rest on his hip. They moved in sync, working their way slowly to their room. 

They managed to avoid people and shut the door behind them. Caleb limped into the bathroom, throwing his leg up onto the sink. 

“Here.” Molly said. “Let me. Then you gotta shower. I think you still have my cum on your thighs.” Caleb blushed and averted his gaze. 

Molly found it amazingly endearing that Caleb, even after the utter depravity of yesterday, could blush at that. He ran the sink until it was warm and gently washed the blood from Caleb’s foot. 

“Darling it’s ripped in half.” Molly said. He washed the blood to expose the toe and grimaced. There was something about toe injuries that made his skin crawl. 

“I’m sorry.” Caleb muttered. 

“No. I should be sorry. I didn’t even bother to think about how this might trigger you. About how waking up alone would make you feel.” Molly cupped Caleb’s cheek with his free hand as the other one stilled. 

“I’m sorry.” Molly said. “I will not do this to you again.” 

“You better not.” Caleb said with a sly smile. “Or I’ll have to punish you.” 

Molly bit his lip and glanced to Caleb’s eyes. He kissed his lover slowly and sweetly. 

“Go shower. I’ll get our clothes ready. And shave, you’re getting shaggy.” Molly whined. 

“Ja.” Caleb said gently. 

“Good.” Molly said. “Now go.” He kissed Caleb again before leaving the bathroom. He had showered before leaving for church and he sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

He had fucked up. 

He had majorly fucked up. 

Caleb was alright now, but for Caleb to run, barefoot and bleeding through the Shatterdome, Molly’s claiming marks on full display, when Molly knew him to be an intensely private person, spoke to how distressed Caleb was over finding Molly. 

He sighed, wanting a smoke. Caleb didn’t want him to smoke in their room, so he had to wait. He heard the shower going and quickly gathered up what he wanted to Caleb to wear. 

It was simple t-shirt, in a deep blue fabric that felt like Frumpkin’s stomach under Molly’s hand. He had picked it for Caleb from the back of his closet. He never wore the damn thing; it was too plain for his tastes. But the v-neck would show off Caleb’s marks and his collarbones and, if Molly was very lucky, a little bit of chest hair. 

He also pulled out a pair of dark pants for Caleb, knowing they would show off the length of his legs in a delightful way. He wanted Caleb to look good, and he wanted to show Caleb off. He wanted the world to see how damn beautiful Caleb really was, and he wanted to show the whole world how Caleb was _his._

He heard the shower shut off as he changed shirts. It was one of his many band shirts, but this was a low cut tank top, with arm holes wide enough to show off the scratches on his ribs. He was proud of it. He preened in the mirror on the wall of his closet, fluffing up his hair a bit. He snagged the leather pants he reserved for this occasion and put them on, doing the “too tight pants” shimmy-shuffle-jump. He put some earrings in, including the peacock feather one that hung so low it brushed his collarbones and dug out his boots.

He heard a soft laugh from behind him and there was Caleb, freshly shaved, running a towel through his hair. He was as naked as the day he was born and he was smiling softly as he watched Molly. 

“You are a peacock.” Caleb laughed. 

“Yes. I know.” Molly beamed. “Get dressed darling. We have a tv spot to film.” 

Caleb walked up and pressed a kiss to the peony peeking out from beneath the tanktop. He wrapped his arms around Molly and pressed his forehead against Molly’s shoulder. 

“You I care about you, right?” Caleb asked. “And that, God forbid, if anything were to happen to you, it has to happen to me too?” 

“Caleb, what are you talking about?” Molly asked. He turned in Caleb’s arms and the German man held him closer. 

“I cannot take loosing another co-pilot.” He spoke gently. “So….if you die in the cockpit, I will die there too. I will take the Kaiju with me, but I will die there too.” There was no life for him without Molly. Not anymore. Not ever. The fabric of Molly’s soul, the bright, ostentatious, kind, warm, generous, loving core of who Mollymauk Tealeaf was, had become enmeshed with Caleb’s to the point where he was finding it hard to tell where he ended and Molly began. 

“Nothing’s going to happen to me, Caleb.” Molly said gently. “Where is this coming from? You’re not a morbid man.” He cupped Caleb’s cheeks and tilted his lover’s head up to look at him. 

“This morning…waking up without you…” His breath caught in his throat again and Caleb buried his face in Molly’s neck. 

“Hush, it’s not going to happen again.” Molly said softly. He gently petting Caleb’s hair.

Caleb tucked his face into Molly’s neck and held him close. The thought of living in a world without his co-pilot, without his lover, without his other half was unbearable to him. He pressed a tiny kiss to Molly’s collarbone and found himself speaking without meaning to. 

_“Du hast meine Seele. Ich liebe dich.”_ He muttered in his mother tongue before kissing Molly. 

“What did you just say, darling?” Molly asked. 

He had told Molly ‘You have my soul. I love you.’ in his mother tongue.

“Oh, nothing important.” Caleb said gently. “Let me get dressed.”

Molly shot him a look full of suspicion but said nothing. He took a step back and let Caleb dress. 

 

“Caleb, I see you found - what the fuck happened to your neck?” Beau asked. She stood and walked over to him, finally free of the cast and crutches. 

“I happened.” Molly bragged. Caleb blushed as red as a tomato and looked everywhere but at Beau. 

“Jesus fuck Molly what you were doing? Pretending to be a vampire?” Beau whined. She threw herself back onto the couch as Fjord walked up. 

Beau had gone for “gym butch lesbian” with her style, whereas Fjord had gone full cowboy; tight jeans, button down shirt, and real cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. He was exact opposite of Beau in her shorts and tanktop. 

“Possibly.” Molly teased. “What Caleb and I do in bed is none of your business.” 

“Wait, y’all are together?” Fjord asked. 

Molly opened his mouth to say that yes, Caleb was his boyfriend. He wanted to say yes to that so he could show the whole world was a wonderful man Caleb was. So he could shout his love to the rooftops, proclaim that Caleb was the only person who could fuck him, and how he was the luckiest man in the world. 

“No.” Caleb said instead. Molly felt his heart shatter as the breath was stolen from his throat. He felt the smile slide from his face as he looked to Caleb. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

Of course. How could Molly have been so stupid? He was so caught up in the thrill of first love to remember that Caleb was in love with the ghost of a dead man, and he could never, ever love Molly the way Molly loved him. He didn’t doubt that Caleb cared for him, but not like Molly cared for Caleb. He took a shaky breath and jostled his head, feeling the peacock feather earring he had in brush against his neck. 

He was Mollymauk fucking Tealeaf, and he was good at pretending. He was good at faking who he was, so he could fake happy for today. After all, the show must go on. Molly felt his hear shattering into a thousand pieces and felt tears claw at his throat as Caleb spoke. 

“What Molly and I are are none of your concern, Beauregard.” Caleb said. 

“What’s the date?” Fjord asked. 

“July the first.” Caleb replied. 

“You owe me. Pay the fuck up.” Fjord held out his hand as Jester came skipping up, with Nott in tow. 

“You two had a bet?” Molly asked, jumping over the back of the couch. He put his feet up on the metal crates that served as a table and relaxed as Caleb sat next to him. Caleb leaned into his body, causing sharp pain in Molly’s heart. Molly just threaded his fingers into Caleb’s hair, playing pretend. 

“Yeah. I said you two would take some time to get together, Beau said you’d be together before the first of July. It’s July first. Pay up.” 

“They’re fucking! I won the bet!” 

“Yeah, but they’re not datin’.” Fjord said. 

“Who cares? You can fuck without dating!” Beau huffed. 

“Yeah, but the terms of the bet said ‘datin’’.They ain’t datin’. Pay up.” Fjord stared her down and she just groaned, before pulling her wallet out of her pocket and slapped a hundred into Fjord’s hand. 

“Fuckin’ fine.” 

“You look very handsome today, Fjord.” Jester beamed. She had on a little blue sundress with a matching bow in her hair. Fjord’s dark skin blushed darker as he stammered over his words. 

“T-t-t-t-t-thank you, Jester. You look mighty pretty today.” He managed to get out. She blushed a light pink and smiled up at him. 

“So...” Molly leaned in to whisper in Caleb’s ear. “Wanna help me get them together?” He asked. 

“If it stops them mooning about, then yes.” Caleb replied under his breath. 

“Excellent. I have a plan.” Molly said. He whispered his plan into the shell of Caleb’s ear and his lover’s hand came to rest on his thigh. He outlined his plan and by the end of it Caleb was grinning and shooting him a glance that had Molly’s heart aching. 

He was so desperately in love with Caleb it burned him to know that Caleb didn’t love him back. 

Molly had to force himself to be content with this. This was all he was going to get. 

“What are you two whispering about?” Yasha asked as she walked forward. She was wearing a pair of leggings and a tank top, and Beau spilled her soda down her leg at the sight. 

“Oh you know, world domination and other kinky things.” Molly said with a wink. Yasha frowned, glancing to Caleb. Molly knew she could tell something was off, but she wasn’t going to say anything here. 

“Oh, Caleb, what happened to your neck?” Jester asked, finally seeing Molly and Caleb on the couch. 

“Molly fucking mauled him during sex, apparently.” Beau huffed. Jester blinked before laughing and jumping up and down. 

“Bryce owes me dinner!” She cheered. 

“Did everyone had a bet on us?” Molly asked, indignant. 

“Since the moment you two fought.” Bryce said, showing up. Behind them a ways was a camera crew and a older man, with gray hair and a sharp chin. “I have never seen a bond that strong form that quickly. You knew what the other was going to do within moments of the first strike. It was impressive.” They said. “The crew is here.” 

“We should so have the interview at the party spot.” Beau said, grinning. 

“Amen to that.” Fjord said, 

“Party spot?” Molly asked. 

“Yeah, it’s a place up in the bluffs. We put it together a while ago, long before you got here. It’s bomb, dude.” Beau stood and stretched, and Caleb saw Yasha’s eyes glanced to Beau’s biceps. 

“Fuck yes, show me the party spot!” Molly jumped up, bouncing in his eagerness. 

It took a bit to get the six of them, plus the camera crew, plus the reporter up to the spot. They did though, with only mild swearing only a handful of tears. They made it to the party spot. 

It was a clearing on the bluffs, covered with a sun tarp. The whole thing was vaguely round in shape, in the same way a circle drawn by a toddler was vaguely round. There was a fire pit in the center of the clearing, built by Fjord years ago. They had amassed a collection of cast off furniture, and oddities such as multiple stolen road signs, strings of lights, a chair shaped like a hand, half of a nativity scene (Jester had drawn faces on traffic cones to make them the wise men), a trampoline, a large collection of various assorted plastic flamingos, and a very large menorah, found by Chris and delivered with their Jaeger to rest on the cliff side. 

It was by pilots, for pilots, and Caleb loved it. He could see the whole of Los Angeles bay from here. He could see Santa Monica and the pier and their preparations for the Fourth of July. He could see Malibu point with the multi-million dollar homes on the cliff side. He could see Long Beach, and the scar on the face of the city where Yamarashi had attacked. 

“It’s beautiful up here.” Beau said gently. She passed Caleb one of the Mexican Cokes he loved, the kind made with real sugar, and he thanked her. He and Beau understood each other. 

When he had lost Chris, everyone else looked at him with pity. A Jaeger pilot without a co-pilot was a sad and terrible thing, like a child without a friend or a dog without a home. Overnight Caleb had become a cautionary tale for the new pilots and an object of pity for everyone.

Everyone but Beau. 

She had continued to treat him in the same way she had before Chris’ death. She was crass and brash and rude and up front about her thoughts and feelings, but she never treated Caleb like he was made of spun glass. He appreciated that about her. 

“Dude, you gotta talk to Molly.” Beau said. 

“What?” Caleb asked, glancing at her. She frowned at him. 

“Dude, when you said you two weren’t boyfriends he looked like he felt his heart breaking.” Beau said. “Like someone had kicked his dog.” 

“What are you saying, Beau?” 

“I’m saying I think he’s in love with you.” She shot him a glare. 

“No.” Caleb said firmly. “He is not in love with me Beau.” 

“Dude, he is.” She said. “He looks at you the way Fjord looks at Jester.” Beau explained. “And dude, I think he thinks you two were dating. Now he’s fucking heartbroken over this.” 

“Beau, he cannot love me.” Caleb said softly. “There is more to this situation that you know, I-” 

“Shut the fuck up Caleb. I know you don’t think you’re worthy of love, because you still think you’re to blame for Chris’ death, but-” 

“Shut the fuck up, Beauregard.” 

“No I’m not shutting the fuck up!” Beau grabbed Caleb’s arm and forced him to look at her. 

“Now, Caleb, you’re going to shut the fuck up and listen to me. He loves you. You got shit to work out, so tell the fucking man what’s going on in that fucking puzzle box brain of yours, and go back to your fucking therapist.” Beau hissed. “Dude, this morning…..man I haven’t seen you like that since Chris. You were fucking unhinged. Molly’s keeping you stable, but for how long? You gotta get your legs under you and then you can be with him. I know you want to. I’ve seen the way you look at him. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Now shut the fuck up and do something about it.” 

She clapped him on the shoulder as Molly approached. 

“So, I let Yasha know about our little plan and Yasha is telling Nott. Now Beau, on a scale of one to ten, how sick are you of Fjord mooning after Jester?” 

“Fucking twenty.” She bitched. “When we Drift she’s all he can think about. I know he’s pictured her naked so many times it’s seared into my brain. I don’t what to know what she looks like naked!” She waved her hands in distress. 

“Good. Now, I have a plan.” Molly threw his arm over Beau’s shoulders and lead her away. Caleb watched as they whispered together. He watched Fjord watch Jester help a camera woman set up her gear. He saw the way Fjord watched her like there was a gaping, aching hole in his chest, and Jester could fill it. He watched Fjord watch Jester and knew that Beau was wrong. 

There was no way Molly could love him. 

Ever. 

He wasn’t deserving of Molly’s love. He wasn’t deserving of having the being of light and music and laughter and kindness and stories that was Mollymauk Tealeaf in his bed, in his arms, in his life. The fact he was Drift Compatible with Molly was a mere fluke, one that Caleb had exploited. 

How was he going to handle this when Molly moved on? 

He was so wrapped up in his thinking he didn’t notice when a young woman touched his elbow. 

“Um…Mr. Widogast?” She asked softly. He blinked and glanced to her. She held a makeup kit in her hands and he backed up. 

“No. No makeup. I don’t like the feeling of it.” He said. 

“We need to get powder on you. You’ll shine.” She explained. 

“No. It is not happening.” Caleb tried to move out of her way but was blocked by a giant cut out of Jude Law with a scribbled on Buster Keaton mustache. 

“Please, don’t.” He asked, watching her approach with the power pouf like it was a deadly weapon. 

“Hey, if he says no, it means no.” Molly’s voice was firm behind the girl. “I understand this is your job, but this right here is what the interview is about.” 

“But he’ll shine.” She said softly. 

“Then he shines.” Molly said. “It’s not the end of the world. Go on, I’m sure Nott would love have makeup put on.” He grinned. The girl scampered off to find Nott. 

“That is the second time you have saved me from people.” Caleb said with a soft grin. 

Molly just gave him a tiny shrug. 

“I don’t mind being your knight in shining armor.” Molly grinned. Caleb smiled softly. 

“I never imagined being a princess.” 

“Who said anything about a princess?” Molly asked. “Two knights can have a happily ever after as well.” He reached out and took Caleb’s hand gently. 

“Molly….” He opened his mouth to speak. “About what Beau asked earlier-” 

“Come on guys, interview’s startin’.” Fjord slapped Molly on the back and headed to the couch. 

Yasha was already on one, with Beau sitting on the back of the thing. Yasha had settled herself between Beau’s legs, her hands resting on her girlfriend’s ankles. Nott had taken the chair shaped like a hand, and Fjord took the big wingback chair. He blushed when Jester threw herself into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Later.” Molly said, giving Caleb’s hand a squeeze. He headed over to love seat and vaulted over the back before patting the seat. Caleb sighed and sat down next to Molly. Molly draped his legs over Caleb’s lap, the pressure of Molly’s body easing the anxiety that was forming in the pit of his stomach. 

“Thank you for doing this, Caleb.” The reporter said. “You’re known to be a very private person so the fact this was your idea means a lot to me, personally.” 

“Thank you.” Caleb said softly. He could see the red lights on the cameras and the crew grew quiet and still. 

“I just wonder why.” The man said. “Why did you ask for this interview?” 

“There….there will be an article in Vanity Fair this month. It…will reveal some things about myself that I have kept hidden, out of sight so to speak. I….it was not a good interview, either.” Caleb explained. “The woman was…ah…a bit rude.” 

“That’s a polite way of saying she was a cunt.” Beau explained. 

“Beau!” Caleb turned to her, admonishing her. 

“No, she’s right, the lady was terrible.” Molly said.

“What things came to light?” The reporter asked. He took a sip of his own coke. 

Caleb took a moment to breathe. He breathed in the scent of the salt air, of the wood smoke from the fire pit that Fjord had gotten going, the sound of the sea below, the sounds of the Jaeger bay, the sounds of the people on the mainland. 

“I am autistic.” Caleb said. “I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was a child. She was rude and belligerent about it, going so far as to ask invasive questions that I had no answers too.” He continued. 

“I am also gay.” He said. “I am a gay, autistic, Jewish Jaeger pilot.” 

“I’m a lesbian.” Beau said, waving her hand about. 

“We know.” Nott said, making them all laugh. 

“I have something to get off my chest as well.” Molly said. He smiled at Caleb and Caleb knew exactly what he was going to do. 

“I have amnesia.” Molly said. There was a sharp inhale from the others. “When Kalry had his accident, I solo-piloted Peacock for one hundred and seventy five seconds. That one hundred and seventy five seconds of bearing her neural load alone was enough to totally wipe my mental hard-drive.” Molly tapped his temple. 

“Everything. My childhood, reading, writing, math, playing guitar, knowing my mother’s face….all of it.” Molly said gently. “Yasha over there taught me to read and write and she helped me perfect this persona of who I used to be, but….I don’t remember.” 

“Caleb, it’s said that you remember everything you have ever lived through in perfect detail, is that true?” The reporter asked. 

“Yes. It is both a blessing and a curse. I can….Chris….” Caleb took a deep breath. 

“We were lovers.” He said softly. “More than lovers, really. There’s no word in any language I know to describe what we were. I lived half in his soul and half in my own. Now that he’s dead, I can re-live the good times still.” 

“Molly, what’s the first thing you remember?” The reporter leaned back in his chair. 

“Percival De Rolo’s face, looming over me like some kind of angry god.” Molly frowned. 

“God that man’s a dick.” Beau muttered. 

“You know him?” Molly asked in surprise. 

“Dude, my dad’s Japanese and he lives near Nagasaki. Of course I know Sir Percival De Pompous Ass.” 

Molly choked on his soda and coughed, turning to sit upright. Caleb pounded him on the back lightly to help him regain his breathing. 

“So one of you can’t forget and the other can’t remember. Do you suppose that’s why you’re Drift Compatible?” 

“Compatibly is determined by their personal connection, which is based on shared life experience.” Caleb said. “Molly and I have had similar life experiences, in a similar time.” 

“Kalry was the closest thing I had to a brother, apparently.” Molly leaned back and Caleb rested his arm around Molly’s shoulders. They crossed their legs in time, moving as one. “And I lost him.” Molly’s voice was soft. 

“I…I know logically, that there was nothing I could have done. That there was nothing I could have done to protect him from a blood vessel breaking in his own brain. We didn’t even know. He wouldn’t have been allowed in a Jaeger if we had known. I still…I still feel like this is my fault.” Molly spoke slowly and clearly. Caleb turned his head to look at Molly. “I know that, in my head. My heart, on the other hand, says I let my brother die and left my niece fatherless.” His gray eyes filled with tears and Caleb just pulled Molly into a hug.

He didn’t say anything. He knew he didn’t need to. He just pressed a kiss to the top of Molly’s head. 

“I can see now, why you two are compatible.” The reporter said softly. “Beau, I have a question for you.” 

The rest of the interview was a blur to Caleb. All he cared about was Molly, sitting next to him. He made sure to keep a hand on Molly at all times. He made sure to be a grounding presence for Molly, like Molly had been for him all those times. 

Eventually, Molly put their plan into action. He plugged his phone into their sound system as the crew got ready to film the other pilots. Molly shuffled through his playlists until he had found the one he had made for today. He pressed play and a chipper, happy tune started to play. 

“Jester, dance with me?” Molly asked, holding out his hand. Jester was the most outgoing of the lot, so it would be easiest to her to dance. 

“Of course!” She smiled at Molly and took his hand. Caleb worked his way around to where Fjord and Beau were sitting and drinking. He shot Beau a wink and she smacked Fjord on the back and went to lounge near Yasha. 

“I didn’t know about Molly.” Fjord said softly. 

“Neither did I, until we Drifted.” Caleb spoke gently. “He’s doing his best to put himself back together but it is difficult.”

“I can imagine. If anythin’ happened to Beau…” Fjord sighed. “You know, I know you think you’re a coward, Caleb, but you’re braver than all of us.” Fjord turned to him. “If I lost Beau I wouldn’t be able to get back into a Jaeger. I wouldn’t be able to let someone else in.” 

“I had no choice.” Caleb muttered gently. 

“Bryce could’ve asked for another team from somewhere else. Vladivostok don’t need three teams.” Fjord said gently. 

“Who else? The Becket brothers? They never leave Alaska. The Hansens? They have all of Australia to protect. The Wei triplets? China would never let them go.” Caleb countered. “I just had to suck it up.” 

“Beau told me about this morning.” Fjord said. Caleb groaned and ran his hand over his face. 

“Does everyone know about that?” He asked. 

“You scared the shit out of everyone.” Fjord said softly. “Caleb, you need to tell Molly you love him.” 

“And you need to tell Jester how you feel.” Caleb shot back, not having this today. 

“I would, but she don’t think of me the same I will not be that man that makes a woman uncomfortable by talkin’ about my feelin’s toward her.” Fjord said firmly. 

“Are you sure she does not care for you?” Caleb asked. He shot Fjord a look. 

“I….” Fjord narrowed his eyes. “The fuck do you mean, Caleb?” 

The song that Molly had planned had come on and Caleb laid a gentle hand on Fjord’s shoulder. 

“Dance with her.” He said, giving Fjord a gentle shove. Molly span Jester about so she ran into Fjord’s chest. 

“Oh, sorry.” She smiled up at him. 

“No need to be sorry, little lady.” Fjord said softly. “Jester…” He blushed and Caleb saw him take a deep breath. 

“Yes Fjord?” She turned to face him fully. 

“Dance with me?” He asked. Caleb saw Molly punch the air in delight. 

“Of course!” Jester took Fjord’s hand in her own and led him into a dance. 

Molly ducked around the floor and pressed up against Caleb’s side. 

“Phase one is a success!” He laughed. He threw his arm around Caleb’s hips and held him close. 

He hummed to the song as the watched Fjord and Jester dance and Molly softly started to sing. 

“Take my hand, take my whole life too.” He reached down and threaded his fingers with Caleb’s. Fjord and Jester were no longer dancing, they were wrapped up in each other, swaying softly in place. 

“For I can’t help, falling in love with you.” Molly took Caleb’s hand and pressed a kiss to the back of Caleb’s knuckles. 

Molly felt like he would break apart with the weight of the pain in his chest. In the short month they’ve been pilots, Caleb had become his whole world. Caleb had become his reason for being, his reason for getting up and facing every day, for squaring down his own empty memories and wrestling with his demons. Caleb had become the reason for his living. 

And to know that Caleb didn’t see him in a such a way killed Molly. He knew he would have to end this. He knew he would have to break off what they have, to save himself. He would do it tomorrow. He would stop kissing Caleb and holding his hand and loving him tomorrow. 

Tomorrow would be the day that Molly’s soul finally withered and died, but by God, Molly couldn’t do this to himself anymore. He couldn’t stand here, feeling Caleb’s skin under his lips while every moment Caleb just thought of him as a way to get his rocks off. 

“Hey.” Molly said softly. “Let’s go home.” 

He wanted more night with Caleb, and he knew exactly what he wanted for it. 

“Yes.” Caleb took Molly’s hand and led him down the winding path and down into the Shatterdome, down through the halls and into their room. Molly pulled Caleb into a kiss the moment the door shut. He tugged up Caleb’s shirt and ran his hands over Caleb’s body, whining into his mouth. 

“I want you to fuck me.” He said. “Please Caleb?” 

“Yes.” Caleb cupped his face and kissed Molly. He kissed Molly slowly and sweetly and gently and it made Molly think of lovers, of real lovers, of ones who could walk in the park and hold hands and shop for groceries and things that lovers do. He let Caleb move him to the bed, pulling off his shirt and undoing his pants. 

“Get out of your clothes for me?” Caleb asked. He pulled his shirt over his head and rifled through the cabinet for lube as Molly pulled his boots off wriggled out of this pants. 

There was something off about Molly tonight. He was quieter than usual, and was touching Caleb more. It must have been Kalry. He had never spoken about Kalry to Caleb, and to admit that he blamed himself in front of the cameras and everyone must have hurt. Caleb found the lube and took the chance to get naked. He kissed Molly and pressed him back into the mattress. 

Molly ran his hands down Caleb’s back, his head falling to one side so Caleb can lick and bite on his neck. 

“Oh God, Caleb.” He gasped when his lover found a sensitive spot. 

“Easy, schatz. I have you.” Caleb muttered. Molly spread his legs and Caleb lowered himself between them. He kissed down Molly’s chest, tugging a nipple with his teeth lightly. 

“No pain tonight. Please, Caleb, not tonight.” Molly asked. Caleb looked up at Molly and Molly couldn’t help but cup his cheek. 

“I just want you.” He confessed. 

“Is everything alright, Molly?” Caleb asked gently. He pressed a soft kiss to Molly’s sternum. “Was it talking about Kalry?” 

Molly knew an out when he saw it.

“Yes.” He lied. “It’s…not something I want to think about.” He said. “I just need to get out of my own head for a bit. No pain. Please, Caleb.” He tugged Caleb up and kissed him again. “Please help me forget.” 

Please help me forget that I love you, please help me forget the pain I’m in, please help me forget that you’re breaking my heart. 

Please. 

“Of course, schatz.” Caleb kissed him slowly and gently, sucking on his bottom lip lightly. “Anything for you.” 

He meant it. He would rip his own heart out if Molly wanted it. Molly owned him, body and soul. He kissed down Molly’s body, running his hands over the scars and tattoos. He kissed and laved every inch of skin he could find until Molly was withing on the bed. He spread Molly’s legs and knelt between them and then kissed up the shaft of Molly’s cock. 

“Oh.” Molly reached down and threaded his hands into Caleb’s hair. “Please, Caleb.” He heard the sound of lube opening and felt Caleb’s finger against his entrance. 

“If it is too much, tell me.” Caleb was well aware that this would be Molly’s first time bottoming, and he remembered his own. He wanted Molly’s to be better than his own first time. 

He gripped the base of Molly’s cock and slowly took the head of his cock into his mouth as he gently slid his finger inside of Molly. Molly arched under his touch and Caleb took the chance to glance upward. 

Molly was blissed out, his eyes closed. His mouth was hanging open slightly and his chest was heaving and he had a lovely sex flush running down his neck and over his chest. He was making all sorts of little noises that had Caleb’s cock getting harder by the moment and Caleb was blessed to have him. He flicked his tongue over the stud in Molly’s cock and he watched his lover jump. 

“Yes, do that again.” He begged and Caleb did so. Molly writhed on the sheets as Caleb started to pump a finger in and out. He gasped and arched his hips. 

“More.” He begged. “Please, more, I can take it, please.” 

Caleb hollowed his cheeks and laved the head of Molly’s cock with his tongue as he slid a second finger inside. He arched his fingers in the way he had told Molly to and made the same gesture. The pads of his fingers brushed the bundle of nerves and Molly arched off the bed, eyes going wide. 

“Oh.” He gasped. “Oh God yes right there, Caleb please don’t stop.” Caleb didn’t. He set up a pattern with his mouth and his fingers and his tongue and before long Molly was relaxed enough to take a third. 

“Please Cale, God, quit teasing me and just fuck me already.” Molly tugged Caleb off of his cock. “If you keep this up I will cum and I want to cum with you inside of me.” 

He pulled Caleb into a kiss. Caleb grabbed a pillow with his clean hand and dragged it down to rest under Molly’s hips. 

“Is this alright?” He asked. “I want to see your face when I take you.” 

Molly shuddered, his breath catching. 

“That is the most erotic thing anyone’s ever said.” Molly confessed. Caleb kissed him as he knelt between Molly’s thighs. 

“I prefer it like this when I’m topping.” Caleb confessed. 

“Wonderful. I don’t have any preferences yet, but this is nice.” Molly cupped Caleb’s face. “I can kiss you this way.” 

He can kiss Caleb and make this the last time they were together. He kissed Caleb softly, running his fingers over Caleb’s face. 

“Please?” He begged. 

“Of course.” Caleb shifted on his knees and brought one of Molly’s legs to wrap around his hips. He pressed the head of his cock to Molly’s ass and slowly, slowly pressed in. 

Molly’s eyes went wide as he felt Caleb breach him. His hands came to Caleb’s shoulders as his head fell back onto the pillows. Caleb pressed tiny kisses to the column of Molly’s throat as he slid, inch by inch, into Molly. 

“Perfect.” Molly gasped out. He tugged Caleb close and gasped at the change in angle. He wrapped his other leg around Caleb’s hips as Caleb bottomed out. 

“Perfect. God you’re perfect.” He kissed Caleb and whined into his mouth. “Please Caleb.” He begged. “Please fuck me.” 

Caleb groaned at Molly’s words. He was so tight and hot around Caleb’s cock he knew he’d want this again. He knew he’d want Molly under him, withing and begging and gasping, tied up and covered in marks. He pulled back his hips and slid into Molly. 

He gasped and pulled Caleb’s chest flush with his own. He tucked his face into Caleb’s neck keep his lover from seeing his tears. This was so perfect, so sweet and gentle and loving that if Molly hadn’t been in love with Caleb already he would have fallen for him here. As it was, Molly just fell deeper in love. He ran his hands down Caleb’s back, feeling the muscles flex under his hands. 

“God you’re perfect, you’re so good at this, Caleb yes yes yes.” Molly pressed kisses down Caleb’s neck and over his shoulder, adding marks to the ones that Caleb’s already had. He felt Caleb’s free hand run down his thigh and he shuddered. 

“Fuck, Molly.” Caleb turned and captured Molly in a kiss. 

He had to kiss to keep from tell Molly that he loved him. This was growing dangerous, this thing between them. He slid his tongue into Molly’s mouth and his lover whined. Caleb sucked on Molly’s lower lip as Molly wriggled his hips and the angle changed. 

Caleb cried into Molly’s mouth as his grip on Molly’s hips tightened. He felt Molly pushing him back and Molly rose with him. Caleb sat on his ass, pulling me with him. Molly hooked his arms around Caleb’s neck and worked his hips in a figure-8, watching Caleb’s face with hooded eyes. 

“God you’re perfect. Your cock is perfect, your mouth is perfect, your hands are perfect, holy fuck I love this.” Molly gasped. He was too far gone, lost in his own pleasure to know what he was saying. “I love this. I love you, holy fuck this is incredible.” 

Caleb pulled back, watching Molly. He was too far lost in his own pleasure to know what he was saying. He had said that he loved Caleb, but Caleb doubted that Molly meant it the way Caleb wanted to take it. He wouldn’t mention this unless Molly did. He just tangled his fingers in Molly’s hair and kissed him. 

Molly shifted as he kissed Caleb, rising to his knees. He bounced on Caleb’s cock, both of them crying out at the change in angle. He slid his tongue against Caleb’s in a kiss that was more teeth and tongue than lip and he felt the pressure start to form in his gut. 

“I’m close.” He gasped into Caleb’s mouth. “Please, Caleb, harder.” He begged. Caleb snarled into his mouth and shifted them again, throwing Molly onto his back. Caleb was on his knees, one of Molly’s legs over his shoulder, a hand on Molly’s thigh as the other rested on his hip, and he fucked Molly. 

“Like this?” He growled out. The sound of skin on skin filled their room as Molly wailed. “Is this what you wanted?” 

“Yes!” Molly arched off the bed, hands scrabbling down Caleb’s arms. “Oh God, so good, please don’t stop, Caleb I need you pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!” His voice broke on the last word and he sobbed out his pleasure. 

“Are you going to cum for me, Mollymauk?” Caleb asked. 

“Yes. Yes. Only for you, yes.” Molly took one of Caleb’s hands and guided it to his dick. “Please.” 

Caleb did as Molly begged. He would do anything for Molly. He would bring Molly the world, he would quit the Jaeger program, he’d cut off his own hand, just to see Molly smile. 

Molly arched off the bed one last time before cumming on Caleb’s cock. He bit his lip, muffling his own noises to keep from screaming he love to Caleb as pleasure strangled him. He felt his seed land on his chest and stomach and it took Caleb only a few thrusts for him groan, press his hips flush to Molly’s and kiss him as he came. 

Molly wrapped his arms around Caleb’s waist and held him tight. He rested his head on Caleb’s shoulder and kissed some of the sweat from his skin. His legs fell to the side as he held his lover close. 

He was he was blessed with Caleb’s memory. He wished he was able to remember this moment in perfect detail; their last time together. He wished he could tell Caleb that he loved him. 

Molly wished he wasn’t a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there folks, I promise! Kudos and comments feed the plot bunnies! Find me on tumblr at matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll and on twitter with mebeshe4815.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two visits happen. A fight occurs.

The ride to the Cathedral was tense. There was something in the air between them, unspoken, that lay like smog in the car. Caleb hadn’t reached for Molly’s hand and Molly hadn’t reached for his either. Caleb wasn’t sure if it was because he could feel Caleb’s tension of if there was something else that Molly hadn’t told Caleb about. 

All Caleb could think about was how Molly sounded last night as he gasped out the love confession. Caleb hadn’t mentioned it; he thought that words said in the act shouldn’t be counted. He just found his mind replaying those words over and over again, like a skipping record. 

He found himself wanting to hear Molly say those words during every day life; when they were eating or training or reading or living in each other’s space. He wanted Molly to love him. He knew he wasn’t deserving of Molly’s love, but Caleb was a selfish man, and he wanted. 

He pulled the car into the parking garage and they climbed out in silence. Caleb locked the car and they moved from the shadows and the cool into the blazing light and heat of the early Los Angeles July. 

The Catherine of Our Lady of the Angles was a squat, angular building, perched on top of a hill. From the view they had, they could see the whole city. The concrete that ran up to the front doors was etched with the constellations and Caleb knew them as they hurried into the cool of the concrete building. 

Molly dipped his fingers into the holy water and crossed himself with it on reflex, then blinked at his fingers. 

“Hunh.” He muttered. “I didn’t know to do that.” 

“Bryce said one of the priests would meet us in the main part of the church.” Caleb muttered. The building was cool and quiet and there was a quiet sense of Holiness about the place. He knew there were actors buried here, but there was also a Saint. He wasn’t sure if it was her presence that made his spine tingle, but there was something about this place that spoke of miracles. 

He hoped Molly would get one. 

He followed Molly down the hallway and then watched his lover pause, head tilted to one side. 

“Candles.” He said softly. He walked closer and Caleb saw what he was looking at. Racks and racks and racks of candles, some lit, some not, some burnt out. There was little sticks to light them and little places for people to rest their knees. 

“Molly, what is this for?” He asked. “I do not know.” 

“You….you like a candle and you pray.” Molly said. “Every candle here is a prayer of somebodies.” He gestured to them. 

So many lit candles, and so many burnt out. So many prayers of the faithful. Caleb smiled and put a hand on Molly’s lower back. 

“Maybe you should light one.” He said softly. Molly took a half step away, and Caleb’s hand fell to his thigh. 

“Perhaps.” Molly said. He turned and headed down the main hallway to the main Cathedral. 

It was a very large room, big enough to seat easily a thousand people. The ceilings were vaulted and Caleb had to crane his neck to see them. There was some sort of pale stone on the walls, and the windows were set high into them. The pews were many and long and their feet echoed softly as they walked down the aisle. There was a massive organ to the right of the altar and on the walls were tapestries. 

“Molly, who are these people?” He asked, gesturing to them. 

“Saints.” Molly said. “I know most of them.” He pointed to one, a young woman with a suit of armor and a paige-boy hair cut. “I know her. That’s Joan.” 

“Joan of Arc, yes.” Said a voice to the side. Two priests walked up, flanked by a young woman. 

“I’m Father Malone. It’s good to meet you, Mr. Tealeaf.” The priest was black, with a rich dark skin, kind eyes, and laugh lines at the corner of his eyes and mouth and an accent from somewhere in Africa. 

“This is Father Sanchez and this is Caitlin.” He gestured to the two people by his side. Father Sanchez was young, with a round baby face, green eyes and dark skin. The young woman was short, chubby and pale, heavily decorated with freckles, thick glasses and red hair. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all.” Molly said. “And what an enchanting young woman. Please, don’t break my heart and tell me you’re a nun.” Molly grinned. 

Caitlin blushed and shook her head. 

“No, I’m not.” She admitted. 

“Excellent.” Molly had a vaguely predatory smile on his face and Caleb grew uneasy. “And please Father, call me Molly. This is Caleb, my co-pilot.” He introduced Caleb who shook the hands of the strangers. 

“Commander Felid said that…well…you have no memories and you were hoping to jog something?” Father Sanchez said. His voice was rich and lightly accented. 

“Yes. I was going through a box when I found this.” He pulled out his mother’s rosary. “And there were candles. The big ones. With Saint Michael and Saint Joan.” Molly said. 

“Both patron saints of warriors.” Caitlin said. “It’s fitting you’d have those.” 

“If you’d come with us, I’d like to talk to you. Caleb, Father Sanchez wants to show you something in the garden, if you don’t mind.” Father Malone said. 

“Not at all. Molly, call if you need me, ja?” He said. 

“I will.” Molly shot him a grin. He hadn’t called Caleb darling all day, or reached for him, or touched him. Caleb was starting to get nervous. 

Molly took a few steps toward the pair as Father Sanchez smiled at Caleb. 

“Mr. Widogast, please come with me.” Caleb shot Molly one more look as they trio headed deeper into the Cathedral. 

“This is bringing back some things.” Molly confessed. He didn’t want to do this without Caleb, but he knew he had to. He couldn’t cling to Caleb whenever he got scared. He was an adult, and he had to do things on his own. 

“That is good.” The African man said. “You may not get everything back, but every little bit helps.” 

“Yes it does.” Molly said. 

The Priest led him through the whole Cathedral, from the tiny chapel, to the shrine of Saint Vibiana, to the tombs of the celebrities buried under the stone. It seemed that to Molly you couldn’t throw a stone without hitting someone famous, dead or alive. He was taken to the stations of the cross and to more of the tapestries. Eventually they reached the confessional booths. 

“You know, I’d like to take confession.” He said. “If it’s not a problem.” 

“Not at all my friend!” Father Malone said. “Caitlin, why don’t you go and get the snacks ready?” He asked. 

“Of course Father.” 

“Don’t go too far.” Molly shot her a wink. He was buttering her up and he knew it. He felt like an ass, flirting with a woman when he was in love with someone else. She giggled and headed down the hall. 

“You know…she is single.” Father Malone said. 

“Oh good.” Molly said. 

“After you, my friend.” The Priest entered his side of the booth and Molly took a deep breath. He ran his hands through his hair and stepped into the darkened booth. The screen was open and he knelt, the words coming to his lips unbidden as he crossed himself. 

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been over a year since my last confession.” He said. 

“I’m in love with Caleb.” He said, flat out. “I’m in love with him, and it’s a problem because he doesn’t love me. He’s in love with Chris, despite being dead for six months. I’m jealous of the memory of a dead man, because I want Caleb all to myself. I found myself hating Chris, hating his memory, hating what he meant to Caleb, because I want that to be me. I want Caleb to look at me like he looks when he talks about Chris. We’re fucking, you know? It started out as something physical, to help me get back my lovemaking skills. But it grew into something else and Father I can’t take it. I can’t fucking take it.” His voice broke and he started to cry. 

“I can’t stand this, knowing that Caleb’s in love with a man who’s dead and I’m a perfectly good man, living and breathing and warm and here, and he won’t ever love me back.” Molly said softly. It was like lancing a wound, and the toxin poured out. 

Father Malone was quiet on the other side of the screen. 

“Well, you’re in a pickle.” He laughed. 

“I know.” Molly said gently. 

“Well, what do you think needs to be done?” Father Malone asked. 

“I need to break it off with Caleb. It hurts too much.” Molly gasped. He felt tears fill his eyes and he sniffled softly. 

“Have you spoken to Caleb about how you feel?” 

“No.” Molly shook his head, despite the fact that the Priest couldn’t see. “No. I can’t.” 

“Why not? He could feel the same way about you.” Malone pointed out.

“He doesn’t.” Molly said. 

“How do you know? Have you Drifted with him recently?” 

“No….” Molly said slowly. 

“So it is possible in the time you haven’t Drifted with him, for Caleb to have fallen in love with you.” 

“Well, I guess.” Molly admitted. 

“So, I know your penance.” Father Malone said with a grin in his voice. 

“How many Hail Mary’s?” Molly asked. 

“None. You have to talk to Caleb.” Father Malone laughed. “Talk to him, and then come see me.” 

“I….what?!” Molly hissed. 

“Tell him everything.” Father Malone grew serious. “Tell him everything. How you feel, how jealous you are, everything. This is a festering wound that is going to ruin what you two have.” Malone said softly. 

“Talk to him. Tell him. Then tell me.” Father Malone shut the screen and exited the booth. Molly heard him laughing and talking as Caitlin approached and he heard the sound of a tray being set down. He sighed, and took a moment to wipe his cheeks and press the heels of his palms into his hands. He rose and crossed himself before leaving the booth. 

“Caitlin, darling you are angel.” He grinned. She had brought food and drinks. It was some kind of pastry that was filled with a meat mixture and it was divine. 

“Is there pork in this, do you know?” Molly asked. “Caleb doesn’t eat pork.” 

Caleb had watched Molly leave before following the priest out and into the garden. 

“We had expected you to be at the service for him, you know.” Father Sanchez said. He led Caleb down the steps and into the garden. There was children playing on the playground, some nuns conducting some sort of study group, mothers watching their children at play. It was a nice place. It was a slice of calm in the middle of a chaotic city life. 

“I understand why, but we really wanted your input about where to put this. Nott told us to put it out here, in the sunlight.” They turned the corner and Caleb stopped. 

There, in the middle of the park, was a statue. 

It was a statue of Chris. His head was back, his face was split into a smile, and he was wearing the armor he had died in. His helmet was on his hip at a jaunty angle and the statue was so lifelike it brought tears to Caleb’s eyes. He walked closer to the statue and saw the flowers and candles and pastries at the base. 

“He’s become a bit of a legend for the Filipino people here.” The priest says. “The mothers come to pray at his feet when their children are off at war. There’s a woman, her son is stationed at the Shatterdome in Lima. She prays every day at his feet. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was beatified soon.” Sanchez shot Caleb a small smile. 

Caleb ran his fingers over the statue’s face. It didn’t hurt like Caleb had expected. It wasn’t as sharp as Caleb had thought. It was a dull ache, like an old wound that acts up in the rain or the cold, but it wasn’t the sharp, rending pain of an old injury. 

“He would be so embarrassed to find out people are praying to him.” Caleb muttered. He laughed a bit and tears fell down his cheeks. “He was a private person, you know.” He took a step back from the statue, and felt Sanchez’ hand on his shoulder. 

“Some filmmakers come here too. I’ve found snippets of scripts and applications for funding at the base of his statue. Rome knows. They always know. Like I said, he’ll be beatified soon.” 

“What does that mean? Beautified?” 

“Beatified.” Sanchez corrected softly. “It means that people pray to him for intercession. They pray to him because they think he can help them?” 

“Like a saint?” Caleb asked, confused. Christians were so confusing to him. 

“Like a light version of a saint.” 

“Good. He would hate being a saint.” Caleb laughed. There was small plaque at the statue’s base that had Chris’ name and dates of birth and death, along with the inscription “Son, brother, lover, co-pilot.” Caleb knelt and ran his fingers over the word ‘lover’. 

“I’m sorry.” He said gently. He could help the tears from falling. 

“I failed you. God, Chris, please. I’m sorry. Please, forgive me. I was supposed to keep you safe.” He cried. “I failed. Please, forgive me. This is my fault. I should have kept you alive. I’m sorry.” 

He heard the priest kneel and felt hands on his shoulders. 

“It’s not your fault.” Sanchez said gently. “Kaiju are a force of nature. The fact that you two were brave enough to fight an act of nature speaks volumes about the kind of men you are. You’re soldier. You’re warriors. And warriors know there’s a chance they may not come home.” 

“I should have kept him safe. He was my co-pilot.” Like Molly. 

Oh God he had been away from Molly for too long. He stood, wiping his tears away. 

“I have to get back to Molly. He might need me.” He strode away from the priest and back into the Cathedral. 

He strode through the holy place with only thought in his mind: to find Molly. He turned the corner and there was Molly and Father Malone, laughing and eating and talking. Caleb smiled softly to himself and then saw Molly smile at Caitlin, winking and chucking her under the chin. 

He felt a cold stab in the heart. 

Oh , so that’s why Molly had been distant. Now that he was freshly fucked and de-virginized he was going to flirt and bed whomever he liked. 

Caleb knew this would happen, he just didn’t know it would happen so soon. He dug out the keys and jangled them as he walked closer. 

“Caleb, wonderful timing, I was telling Father Malone and Caitlin about the time with the half-thawed turkey and the cat.” Molly beamed. 

“We have to be going.” Caleb jangled the keys. He didn’t smile, didn’t look anywhere but at Molly’s face. 

“Caleb, is everything alright?” Molly asked. “Is it a Kaiju? I know we’re overdue.” 

“No. I just don’t want to leave the Shatterdome for this long.” His voice was cold and hard and he knew he was hurting Molly but by God he was feeling petty at the moment. 

“Alright. Sorry to leave you two. Caitlin, you have my number, right?” 

Caleb felt his lip curl at that. 

“Yes, I do. I’ll send you the link right away.”

“You are a goddess amongst woman.” Molly bent and kissed her cheek and Caleb bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. 

“Mollymauk, let’s go.” He snarled. Molly turned to him, eyes wide. 

“Alright, alright.” He said his good-byes and followed Caleb back to the car. 

The ride back to the Shatterdome was tense and awkward. Not a word was spoken between them, and Molly debated about reaching for Caleb’s hand. He knew Caleb was angry but he couldn’t tell quite why. They were in silence as they made their way back to their room and the moment the door shut Molly turned on Caleb. 

“Okay, what the fuck was that?” He asked. 

“What do you mean?” Caleb asked, sliding out of his cardigan. 

“You were really fucking rude to those wonderful people. That’s not like you. What’s got you all tense?” 

“Oh? You finally noticed?” Caleb turned. “Why don’t you go and ask that girl?” 

“Are….are you jealous?” Molly asked. “What the fuck Caleb?” 

“Yes Molly. Fuck, indeed. Now that you have gotten what you wanted from me you’re free to go and sleep with others like you wished.” Caleb snarled. He was hurting. He felt betrayed and lonely and hurt and he wanted to make Molly hurt like he was. 

“Don’t. Don’t you dare throw that back on me.” Molly stalked forward, poking Caleb in the chest. “That was your idea.” 

“Yes, but you didn’t have to take it. You could have left it as it was, instead of using me.” 

“Using you?!” Molly was shouting at this point. He pulled away, stalking the length of the room. “How the fuck was I using you?” 

“Because you knew damn well how isolated I had been!” Caleb shouted back, peeling from the wall. 

“Yeah, because you’re still in love with a dead man!” Molly screamed. 

“Do NOT bring Chris into this!” Caleb was shouting now too, red in the face. 

“Why the fuck shouldn’t I?” Molly shouted. He was an angry crier and he could feel tears pricking at his eyes. “He haunts this place! He haunts you and because of you he haunts me!” 

“I never wanted this!” Caleb screamed at the top of his lungs. “I never wanted another co-pilot!” 

“I FUCKING KNOW!” Molly screamed. The tears were rolling freely now and he could feel his heart breaking with every breath. “I KNOW YOU NEVER WANTED ME BECAUSE I’M NOT HIM!” 

“AND I’M JUST A BROKEN MAN WHO WILL NEVER COMPARE TO THE FAMOUS MOLLYMAUK TEALEAF!” Caleb screamed. Molly was crying and he wanted nothing more than to take Molly in his arms and hold him tight. He wanted to apologize and kiss Molly and hold him and tell him that he loved him. 

“YOU THINK I WANT THAT? YOU THINK I WANT THE FAME AND THE HERO WORSHIP?” Molly shouted. He just wanted Caleb, in every way that Caleb would give himself to Molly. “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY THEY LOOK AT ME LIKE THEY DO!” 

“OH YES, PITTY MOLLYMAUK WITH NO MEMORIES!” Caleb shouted. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO BE ABLE TO FORGET?! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU HAVE IT!” 

Caleb knew he fucked up the moment the words fell from his lips. Molly looked at him and the tears turned from anger into hurt. 

“Get out.” He whispered. “Get the fuck out.”

“Fine.” Caleb said. “I’m gone. I’ll talk to Bryce and get you a new pilot. Someone whole.” He was crying now too, and he stormed out the door, slamming it behind him. 

Molly heard the door slam and fell to his knees, crying. His shoulders shook and he knew he had fucked up. He rose to knees and scrambled to the door. He opened and turned, hoping Caleb was there. 

The hallway was empty. He screamed in frustration and swung, punching the steel wall. It rang with the force of the blow and pain shot up his arm. It was grounding feeling, so he just kept swinging, tears running down his face. 

He didn’t hear the door open, or hear Beau calling for Yasha. He didn’t hear Beau trying to speak to him. 

He wriggled as Yasha pulled him away from the wall, and he turned in her arms, crying. He wrapped his arms around his best friend as he knees gave out, sobbing into her shoulder. 

“Shit Molly, what the fuck did you do to yourself?” Beau asked. She vanished into her and Fjord’s room before he could reply, coming back with a first aide kit. 

“We heard screaming. Molly, what happened?” Yasha asked gently. He pulled back and Yasha wiped at his face. 

“Caleb and I…there was a fight and oh God Yash I fucked up.” He started crying again as Beau took his hand. 

“Fuck I can see the bone.” There was blood dripping onto the floor and Beau pulled out her phone and took a picture of his hand before starting to wrap it up. 

“Why did you two fight?” Yasha asked. 

“He….he caught me being nice to someone and…and he thought I was flirting with her and God this is a mess.” Molly took some deep breaths as Yasha wiped his cheeks. 

“Fuck.” Beau said. “When I told Caleb to talk to you I didn’t mean like this.” 

“What?” He asked softly. 

“Dude….Caleb’s half in love with. If he’s not totally in love with you.” Beau said. She wrapped his knuckles in gauze and then cleaned up the blood on the floor. 

“No. He’s in love with Chris.” 

“Part of him may be in love with Chris.” Yasha said gently. “Part of him always will be, but Molly, he looks at you you’re like his world.” 

Molly sat back on his heels, cradling his hand. 

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” 

“Yeah bro. You really did.” 

 

Caleb ran. He didn’t go back to the room he had thought was his own. He went to only place he knew was his. He went to Forest’s docking bay. He found the divot that had held his old Jaeger’s right root and he curled up in the depression, wrapping his arms around his knees. 

He didn’t cry. He had no more tears left to cry. 

He just sat there, unable to cry or think, replaying his horrible words to Molly in his head. 

Why had he said that? What had possessed him to say those terrible things to the man he loves? Molly would never forgive him, now. 

Molly would want a new pilot. Someone not so cruel and terrible. Someone whole. Someone not Caleb. 

Molly would get a new pilot and Caleb would be alone again. 

The sheer through of going back into the crushing depth of loneliness he had been swimming in before Molly had come into his life made his cry again. He curled into a tighter, smaller ball cried softly into his knees. 

He had been right, when he had told Molly yesterday that he couldn’t live alone anymore. He knew that once Molly was found to be drift compatible with someone else, Caleb would go back to Germany to die. He would go back to Germany, and die there, alone and uncared about. 

That was his fate. 

He didn’t hear Nott’s little feet approach, but he did feel her hands on his shoulder. 

“Beau told me what happened.” She sat next to him and Caleb looked up at her. 

“I told him…” Caleb took a deep breath. “I told him that his memory loss is a blessing and that I’m jealous of it.” 

“Caleb, why did you say that?” 

“I don’t know.” Caleb confessed. 

“He broke his hand open, you know.” Nott showed him a picture on her phone, of Molly’s knuckles. They was broken and bloody and Caleb could see the tail of their matching tattoo in the photo. He cupped his own, tracing the lines with his thumb. 

“You need to talk to him.” Nott said. Caleb shook his head. 

“I’m going to get him a new co-pilot. Someone not so terrible to him. He deserves nice people around him. He deserves a good co-pilot.” 

“And you don’t?” Nott asked gently. Caleb shook his head softly. 

“Caleb, why not?” 

“I am…” His voice caught in his throat. He was a selfish, horrible, greedy, terrible man, who coveted things he shouldn’t covet and want people he shouldn’t want. He shouldn’t want to be the center of Molly’s world because he had let his first co-pilot die. 

He just shook his head, unable and unwilling to bring those thoughts to light. 

“Caleb you have to talk to him.” Nott said gently. 

“No. I need to talk to Bryce.” 

“What about me?” Bryce said. They were standing above Nott and Caleb, and they jumped down into the concrete divot. 

“Yasha informed me as to what happened. Mollymauk is in the infirmary, getting stitches. Caleb, what happened?” They sat down on the concrete, not caring about the stains that would get on their uniform. 

“I…I said some terrible things.” Caleb said. “Things I shouldn’t have said. I am not cut out for this anymore, Bryce. I can’t share my head with others. Get Molly a new pilot. Someone kind, like him. I want to go back to Germany.” 

“Permission denied, Pilot.” Bryce said. “You two have the strongest connection I have ever seen. Even stronger than the Kaidonovsky’s or the Beckett brothers. Even without the Hangover you two move like one. I will not sacrifice that because you two had a tiff.” They said. 

“I hurt him. You saw what he did to his hand, because of me.” 

“I saw what Molly did to his hand because he cannot control he temper.” Bryce said firmly. “You will stay. I cannot search for another Pilot when we’re so overdue for a Kaiju.” They sighed, running a hand through their hair. 

“So you two will talk. By the fifth. I am setting a date. If I have to drag you two into therapy myself, so help me I will.” Bryce said. 

“Ja, komandant.” Caleb said gently. He wanted to die. He wanted to curl up into a ball and fall to ash and dust. He wasn’t worth this, he wasn’t worth the attention and the care. 

“Caleb, stay with me tonight.” Nott said. “Not here. Don’t sleep on the concrete anymore.” 

“I will have nightmares.” Caleb said. 

“So do I.” Nott said. “It’s fine.” Her nightmares were about Chris as well. She had been watching the feed when he had been taken. 

She remembered Caleb’s scream of pure anguish and watching Chris’ vitals flatline. She then had to clean Chris’ blood from the inside of the Conpod. Chris had been family to her, and she had to not only clean his blood from the inside of the place where he had died, but arrange for a funeral without a body. She had nightmares about it constantly. Privately, she blamed herself. If she had triple checked the sensor connections, if she tightened the wires, if she had just done her job better, than perhaps Chris would still be alive. Caleb didn’t know she blamed herself; he was too wrapped up in feeling Chris die in his head for her to place that burden on his shoulders. So she went on, caring for Caleb and now caring for Molly as well. 

“I don’t want you to be alone tonight.” She explained. 

“Alright.” Caleb said gently. 

“Good. Talk to Tealeaf. No more moping.” Bryce ordered. They stood and brushed the dust from their uniform pants. Caleb and Nott saluted them and they saluted back before leaving the Jaeger bay. 

Nott stood, but she was so small that Caleb barely had to look up to see her. 

“Come on. Let’s go. Mama sent some conchas from the bakery you like.” She tugged on his arm and he rose slowly. 

“Ja.” He sniffled. “Those sound good.” 

 

Molly got exactly no sleep. He spent the rest of the day in the infirmary, getting stitches and tetanus shots and x-rays and bandages and courses of antibiotics and so many instructions on what not to do to his fucked up hand that the sun was down and he wanted to sleep when he got home. 

But the bed was cold and big and it didn’t smell right. It didn’t smell like Caleb. Molly ended up digging a shirt out of Caleb’s closet and throwing it onto a pillow and cuddling it, breathing in the scent and pretending it was Caleb to try to get some sleep. 

It didn’t work. 

Caleb woke from multiple nightmares in the night. Nott was sleeping in the bunk next to him, and the bed was cold and too big and it smelled all wrong. 

The nightmares were worse than usual, somehow. They had been of Chris, being ripped from him. But now they were of Molly, being ripped from him. Chris would turn, his big brown eyes wide with fear and they would turn into Molly’s gray eyes. Molly would reach for him and before Caleb could grab his hand to save him Molly would be gone into the jaw of Grief, the Kaiju looking at Caleb with murder in her alien eyes. Then the dream with start again. And again. And again. 

In the end, Caleb ended up huddled against the wall with Frumpkin on his lap, staying awake. He couldn’t deal with this. 

The third went by in a haze for them both. They didn’t see each other all day. Caleb hid in the library, burying his head in his books. Molly helped the Shatterdome crew decorate for the Fourth of July party, hanging trappings and flags and decorating the Jaeger bay and helping in the kitchen. He drank more Red Bull than was wise, but he needed to stay awake. 

Night fell and they went back to their separate rooms. Molly was so exhausted he did finally get sleep, but only in fits and starts, woken by nightmares. 

Caleb didn’t even try. He knew better. He was just so damn lonely. He buried his face in Frumpkin’s fur and stayed like that until dawn. 

The Fourth of July dawned crisp and clear and with the promise of a true scorcher. The Jaeger bay grew crowded with the Shatterdome employees as they took the day off (in the way they could, there was no real day off of the PPDC), and took the chance to party. 

There was booze and beer and grilling meats and dancing and laughing and people partying. The breeze coming in from the ocean was cool and Caleb could see Santa Monica beach, crammed with people. The beach looked like a living, breathing thing, covered with crawling forms. It seemed to him that half of the city was out here, celebrating. He rested his arms on the railing of the patio, beer in hand. 

He wasn’t hungry, but he knew that he needed to get something into his system, so the plate of half-hearted snacks rested at his elbow as he nursed his beer. 

He wanted to talk to Molly. He missed Molly. He missed his co-pilot and his warmth and his smile and his laugh and his soothing presence. Caleb had wound up into a tense ball of anguish these last few days, and the party wasn’t soothing it. 

Everyone was dressed casually, even Bryce. They had on a loose shirt and shorts, with their blonde hair pulled into a bun, and they were dancing with one of the kitchen crew, beer in hand. Fjord and Jester were walking on the beach, hand in hand. 

Caleb watched Yasha and Beau engage in an arm wrestling contest. He watched Beau grin and then kiss Yasha. He saw Yasha’s eyes go wide and then Beau slam down her girlfriend’s hand, securing her win. Nott was sitting by the side with her cousin, giving her a running feed on who everyone was. 

It was happy. 

It was cheerful. 

And Caleb was miserable. 

He turned away from the party, watching the ocean. 

“Hey.” There was a soft voice next to him. He turned, and saw Molly. 

“Can I talk to you? Please, Caleb?” Molly asked softly. 

He looked like shit. There was bags under his eyes and his hair was lank and greasy and that alarmed Caleb more than anything else. He knew how much effort and time and care Molly put into his appearance. 

“Molly, what is it?” He asked. 

Molly reached for Caleb just as the sirens went off. 

The power shut down and the sirens wailed, lights flashing, as a robotic voice echoed through the Jaeger bay. 

“Movement in the Breach. Movement in the Breach.” 

The whole Bay felt silent, the moment pregnant with tension. 

“PEACOCK RISING!” Bryce shouted, their voice carrying over the crowd. 

“TO YOUR JAEGER!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter folks. One more chapter. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr at matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll and on twitter at mebeshe4815. Kudos and comments feed the plot bunnies.


	11. Chapter 11

Molly moved first. He grabbed the beer from Caleb’s hand and threw it into the trash before taking off down the hall. He was pulling his shirt over his head as he heard Caleb scrabbling behind him to keep up. His heart was racing as he slid into the locker room and stripped out of his clothing. He pulled on the consuit as Jester tapped on her little tablet. 

“Category three, code name, Spiraxes.” Jester said. “Looks eel-like in shape. Emerged from the Breach one minute ago.” 

Nott and Yasha pulled on Molly and Caleb’s armor. 

Caleb was terrified. He wanted to run. Oh God, if Molly died because of him he couldn’t take it. He would break. 

“Here. Done.” Nott said. Molly stepped away from Yasha, armor gleaming in the light. He knelt before the candle of Saint Michael, and crossed himself before he lit it. 

Caleb found himself praying as well. 

_God, let him come home._ He prayed. He prayed for Molly rather than himself. He prayed for Molly’s safe return. The world could live without him in it, but a world without Molly would be a much darker place for everyone. 

“Let’s go.” Molly said. 

Together they walked from the locker room into LOCCENT. They passed the command console and stepped into the Conpod. They locked their feet in place as Peacock’s head slid into her body. 

“Pilots, your objective is to hold the Miracle Mile.” Bryce’s voice came over the sound system as their helmets clicked into place on their neck. 

“If Spiraxes is allowed to break it, today, there will be a slaughter.” Bryce said. 

“Half the damn city is on the beach.” Molly swore. 

“It will not happen, Komandant.” Caleb said. “We won’t let it.” 

“Hold the mile. I’ve already sent to Lima for backup. Hold the Mile. That is my order.” Bryce spoke as they ran through their checks. 

Molly’s hands were shaking so badly he could barely reach the buttons. His first Kaiju and it had to happen before he could make up with Caleb. 

God, what if they failed to Drift? What if it was like before? 

The thought made his throat close with fear as a tiny whimper escaped him. His hand fell quiet and he felt something tug at his hand. 

“Molly.” Caleb said gently. “I will keep you safe. Don’t worry.” Caleb gave his left hand a squeeze. 

“Left hemisphere ready.” Caleb said. Molly pressed the last button and saw the last light turn green. 

“Right hemisphere ready.” Molly said softly. 

“Initiating Neural Handshake in ten…nine…eight..” 

Caleb closed his eyes and let his emotions go. The Drift hit him like a wave. 

_Fear fear fear cold yellow fear burning hot in Molly’s gut as he watched Caleb leave their room anguish hot on Caleb’s cheeks as cried in Nott’s shower Molly curled into Caleb’s shirt crying into the cotton as he missed Caleb he had fucked up fucked up fucked is what they were if the beast was allowed to break the Mile they can’t allow it to happen Caleb wouldn’t allow Molly to die not now not ever Molly was his and his alone and nobody else could lay claim to the bright spark of soul that was his co-pilot co-pilots that what they were they were made for this two halves of a whole two halves of each other_

“Neural handshake holding.” The voice said. They breathed in unison. Molly shoved the events of the last two days aside. 

“Not now.” Caleb said. 

“Later.” 

“There will be a later.” Caleb said firmly. 

“There will always be a later.” Molly agreed. 

Caleb felt Molly’s fear clutch as his throat as the stepped off the Jaeger platform. He felt Molly wonder how far they could kick something and a small smile played on his face. 

“Later, schatz.” He said gently. 

“Later.” Molly said. The ocean felt cold around their shins as they walked Peacock into the harbor. 

The beach was now empty. The people had taken shelter in the Kaiju shelters. 

There was no parties, no smoke rising from cookfires, no music on the beach, no laughter or joy. 

It was as silent as the grave. They walked out into the ocean, the water swirling around their knees now. The took a fighting stance, and Molly started his sword. It slid out of Peacock’s arm and they wrapped their fingers around the hilt. 

“Good idea.” Caleb agreed, starting up the left gauntlet. Fire crackled along their fingers and the left palm as they initiated the talon in Peacock’s boots, burying them in the silt of the ocean. 

“Spiraxes is closing in.” Jester said. 

“The civvies are deep down.” Fjord’s voice came over the radio and Molly felt Caleb’s wave of relief. He loved Elena like family and he didn’t want to see her hurt. 

“Five klicks.” Jester said. The tension was heavy in the air, like the smog that hung over downtown. This was always the worst part of the fights, in Caleb’s mind. The waiting drove him half-mad with fear. Chris used play him memories of his childhood in Manila, of running barefoot in the tropical streets with his family, and Caleb used to play memories of his time in university. 

“Sorry I can’t distract you that way.” Molly said gently. 

“It’s fine. It’s….you’re not him. You can never be him.” Caleb spoke. “And I do not want him. He’s dead. You’re not.” Some things were too private to spoken aloud, so he pushed a thought down the Drift. 

_I want you just the way you are I won’t let her take you from me_

_Don’t worry_ Molly thought to Caleb. _I won’t die here_

Caleb didn’t get a chance to think anything back, as Spiraxes showed herself. 

She was long and thin, with spines down her back. Her face was built like a Moray Eel’s, long and wide with curving teeth in her jaw. Her eyes were beady and they fixed on Peacock. Drool ran down her jaws and arms folded out from her body. They had six fingers on them, tipped with wicked claws. Her tail thrashed, churning the Pacific ocean into white foam as the spines along her back raised up. She roared as threat, filling the speakers of their Jaeger with her anger. 

“Bring it, bitch.” Molly snarled. 

Spiraxes threw herself into Peacocks arms and Caleb caught her jaw with his left hand. He sent a shock down her face and she rent Molly’s bicep with her claws. They dug their feet into the ocean floor as Molly jammed his shoulder into her stomach. Her tail wrapped around Molly’s thigh and he brought down his sword, cleaving the thing from her body. 

She screamed in agony, wriggling out of their grip. 

“No you don’t.” Caleb muttered. He was used to this, with Frumpkin. They moved as one, bringing the sword down and stabbing it in her hips. She screamed again as Caleb grabbed her arm. She turned her head and sunk her jaws into the shoulder of their Jaeger and pain flared hot along Caleb’s shoulder. He gasped in pain, feeling the suit heat up, as he felt her teeth sink into his skin in phantom pain. Whatever the Jaeger felt, they felt, and being bitten by a Kaiju was painful to the extreme. Molly gritted his teeth against the pain and grabbed a spine and dragged her off of Caleb. 

Peacock’s left shoulder was sparking and whining unpleasantly, and Caleb felt the dull ache settling into his bones. Spiraxes thrashed and screamed before getting her feet under her. She pushed herself back and impaled Peacock’s chest with her spines. 

The pilots screamed in agony, feeling as if they had been stabbed in the chest. Warning lights flared along Peacock’s dash and the robotic voice starting talking about oil pressure and Bryce was saying something to them but they didn’t hear. Caleb grabbed Spiraxes with their left hand and pulled as Molly arched their back and the Kaiju slid free. Peacock dropped to a knee, and they gasped for breath. 

They were growing weak and Horizon Brave was still hours away. They forced their head up and Caleb felt Molly’s feral grin split his face. 

Caleb hated fighting. He did it because he had too, but he could feel Molly’s blood singing with the utter joy of the fight. Together the rose, and rolled their shoulders in a distinctly Mollymauk move. She rushed at them again and Caleb remembered something Beau had taught him years ago, and thanks to the Pons Network, Molly knew it too. They grabbed Spiraxe’s arm and used her own momentum to swing her about, away from the beach, to face the ocean. They let her go, taking the moment to steady themselves in the ocean’s silt. 

She then turned and swiped at them, grabbing a hold of Peacock’s beak. 

She ripped it clean off, dropping it at their feet. It landed in the ocean, point down, standing half out of the water. 

The smells hit them both like a wrecking ball. Machine oil and rotting fish and the sharp, burning computer smell of Kaiju blood wafted over them. Spiraxes then unfolded a second set of arms from somewhere deep inside of her, and grabbed them by the throat. 

“Gauntlet fully charged.” Came the voice. Caleb reached up with their left hand and shocked the Kaiju again and she roared, making their ears ring. The Kaiju wriggled from their grasp and turned to face them. It fixed Molly with a beady eye and one, single thought formed in Caleb’s head. 

It formed in Caleb’s head and floated through his squid cap, down through the cables that formed the Pons Network, through the code that allowed them to meld their minds, through Peacock Rising’s computer, through Molly’s cords and into his skullcap and into his brain. 

_No. Not him. I love him._

“You are not getting Molly too.” Caleb snarled, pure, unholy rage flooding his veins. His anger and desperation burned hot in Molly’s chest as Molly’s joy flooded Caleb’s heart.

“You cannot take both of the men I love.” Caleb swung his fist, connecting with Spiraxe’s jaw. He swung again and Molly moved his side of the Jaeger, slicing with his sword. Spiraxe’s head turned and her jaw clenched on Molly’s forearm. 

Bright hot pain bloomed in their bodies as Molly screamed. She chewed on his arm and Caleb felt her teeth sink right into the spot where their tattoo was. 

“The beak, Caleb!” Molly shouted. He shoved a mental image down to Caleb and he knew that Caleb understood. While Spiraxes was chewing on their arm like a dog with a bone Caleb grabbed their beak from the ocean floor. He turned and Molly ripped his arm free and Caleb shoved the beak into the Kaiju’s mouth. Spiraxes couldn’t close her mouth and she tried to pull it from her jaws. Molly cut both sets of arms off with his blade and then pulled the blade back into the sheath.

He knew what Caleb wanted to do. 

He grabbed her head as Caleb extended the claws on his hand. Her head was held still as Caleb reached into the Kaiju’s mouth, around the beak, and dug his claws into the flesh of the back of her throat. She roared in agony and Molly stepped on her tail to keep her from writhing as Caleb snarled. He clawed his way through her throat until he felt her spine. 

Kaiju Blue was pouring down their arm and burning them, making the ocean bubble and hiss like a vat of acid, but the didn’t care. They wanted this beast dead. 

Caleb felt her spine and wrapped his hand around it. Molly braced his arm and leg as Caleb pulled. He pulled and pulled and pulled, straining. They screamed with the effort, sweat running down their temples, but they felt her bones crack. They heard the Kaiju’s spine break but Caleb kept pulling. He pulled the spine right out of Spiraxe’s mouth, and the beast went limp. 

“No vital signs!” Jester screamed into the mic. “She’s dead!” 

There was whooping and cheering as Caleb looked at the spine in his hand. There was further cheering and they turned, seeing the beach and the boardwalk crowded with people. There were phones filming and people crying and cheering and calling their Jaeger’s name. 

Pride filled Caleb’s chest and he shot Molly a glance. 

“Fine. If you insist.” Caleb said. “The things I do for love.” 

They turned and bowed low to the crowd, and the people went wild. They righted themselves and waved to the crowd before picking up the corpse of the beast and dragging it back to the Shatterdome. There was a crew already there waiting to neutralize the effects of the blood. They dropped the chunk of spine as well, knowing that the slightly odd guy in Hong Kong would want it. They stepped their Jaeger into her bay and their helmets popped off. Her head slid up into Loccent and they broke the seal on their boots. They walked into Loccent to be greeted with cheers. 

Beau was jumping up and down and whopping and Yasha was beaming and Nott and Jester were crying and Fjord was clapping. They were bombarded with cheers and pats on the back as they moved through the crowd and into the locker room. 

“I am so proud of you two!” Jester chirped as they were stripped of their armor bit by bit. “You killed her in record time! Without breaking the mile! I love you two so much!” As soon as they were stripped of their armor she threw herself at them, wrapping them in a hug. 

“We love you too, Jester.” They said as one. 

“Pilots.” Bryce said. “Good work. Go.” They nodded to their pilots, pride in their face and in their voice. “Jester, quit strangling them.” 

“Yes, Commander.” Jester pulled back and launched herself and Fjord, crying into his chest. 

“Come on.” Molly reached down and threaded his hand with Caleb’s. They moved in as one, knowing where the other wanted to go. As soon as the door to their room shut Molly pinned Caleb to it, kissing him. 

“I love you too.” He gasped into the kiss. He cupped Caleb’s cheeks, kissing him. Caleb’s hands were pulling off his suit and he stripped Caleb bare to the hips. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He told Caleb. 

“I’m sorry Molly.” Caleb said. He wrapped his arms around his lover’s ribs and brought their bodies together. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Hush. It’s alright. It’s in the past.” Molly kissed down Caleb’s jaw and nipped him in the way he knew Caleb liked. 

“I love you, Mollymauk Tealeaf.” If felt so good to finally say it, to release the burden that he had been carrying that Caleb started to cry. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Goddamn I love you so much.” Molly rocked their hips together and they cried out as one. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He pulled Caleb away and they moved to the bed, pulling the bottom half of the Consuit off. He pulled Caleb on top of him as he fell. 

“Caleb, I love you.” He would never grow tired of saying it. He felt like his heart had wings and he could fly. His face was hurting from all the smiling as Caleb rocked their cocks together. 

“Oh God, yes.” Molly’s hands came to clutch at Caleb’s shoulders as his lover bit his neck. “So good, so perfect, I love you.” 

“Don’t stop saying that.” Caleb said. “That’s an order, Mollymauk.” 

“I love you.” Molly wrapped a hand around their lengths and arched into Caleb’s touch. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He gasped into Caleb’s mouth. 

They were rocking together, frantic for touch. It was a haze of pleasure from the Drift and the Hangover and Caleb’s hands on his body and knowing that Caleb loved him too. 

“I love you, Mollymauk Tealeaf.” Caleb whispered into his mouth and Molly came, arching his back as he spilled over their hands. Caleb rolled to the side and pulled Molly close, kissing him softly. 

“I love you.” Molly said. He kissed down Caleb’s body, flicking his tongue over a nipple. Caleb cried out, turning his head into the pillow. 

“I love you.” He pressed kisses down Caleb’s chest and paused to lick his seed from Caleb’s skin. 

“I love you.” He sucked a mark into Caleb’s hip and his lover spread his legs. He knew what Molly wanted and what Molly was planning on doing. 

“I love you.” He licked a stripe up Caleb’s cock and Caleb threaded his fingers into Molly’s hair. Molly laved the head of Caleb’s cock with his tongue and Caleb cried out, arching into Molly’s mouth. 

“I love you.” Caleb said as Molly bobbed his head on his cock. He knew exactly what Caleb wanted and needed, and did it before Caleb could ask. 

“Fuck, Molly, I love you.” Caleb gasped out. He braced his feet on the mattress and gave Molly what he knew he craved. He fucked Molly’s face as best as he could in this position, unwilling to separate even for a moment. He fucked Molly mouth, feeling his lover whine on his cock. He knew exactly how Molly felt and he tugged on his hair. 

“That’s it, Mollymauk.” Caleb gasped out. “So good for me. Yes, you pretty little thing.” Molly preened under the praise. “Such a good little slut for me.” 

Molly whined and sucked Caleb’s cock deeper into his throat. He wanted to be praised and called a slut and Caleb knew it. 

“You’re so good at this, fuck.” Caleb gasped out. “So good at sucking cock, I love your mouth on me, I love you. Don’t stop, that’s an order.” 

Molly stilled himself and let Caleb fuck his mouth. Caleb’s thighs were starting to shake and he knew that his lover was getting close. He ran his hand over the drool that had collected on his chin and he reached down to gently press a finger inside of Caleb. 

That was what had Caleb throwing back his hand gasping out yet another love confession as Molly felt him spill into his throat. He stayed there as Caleb recovered before pulling off. He moved up Caleb’s body and kissed him. 

“Marry me.” He said. 

“What?” Caleb’s head was still spinning from the battle and the orgasm. 

“Marry me.” Molly said again. 

“What?” Caleb asked again. “Did you just ask me to marry you?” 

“Yes.” Molly pushed himself up. “Marry me, Caleb?” 

Caleb blinked up at Molly before cupping his cheek gently. 

“Do you even have to ask?” He said gently. 

Molly broke into a wide, thousand-watt smile. His smile was wide enough to challenge the sun. 

 

 

* 

“If that is what you have planning for the first night I can’t wait for the other seven.” Molly laughed, collapsing onto Caleb’s chest. His husband’s arms wrapped around him and he felt Caleb kiss his hair. 

“I love you.” Caleb said gently. 

“I love you too.” Molly replied. They basked in the warmth of each other for a good while. Outside the Shatterdome a winter storm raged. The menorah was gleaming on the window, two candles burning bright as their shitty Christmas tree sat on the table. Beau had called it the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree and Molly had bought the moment he saw it. Molly was content here, in Caleb’s arms, celebrating Chanukah with Christmas just around the corner. 

“You know…when this is over we could look into adoption.” Caleb said softly, running his fingers down Molly’s spine. Molly lifted his head. 

“Like, a dog?” Molly asked, confused. Caleb laughed, shooting him a grin. He had gained weight and muscle these past five months, and was no longer skin and bones. He was comfortable for Molly to rest on, and Caleb’s chest has become his favorite pillow. 

“No, Molly. Like a child.” Caleb said. “Once the war is over and the Breach is closed I would like a family with you.” 

“I….I’d like that too.” Molly said. “A little girl.” He decided on. “A little girl for Beau to teach how to punch and for Val to spoil rotten and for Jester to have sleep overs with.” 

“Ja. A girl.” Caleb kissed Molly softly. 

“I’d like to be a dad with you, Caleb.” Molly kissed him. 

“I’d like to be a father with you as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it, folks. If you've stayed with Caleb and Molly to the end, congrats. If you're binge reading this, congrats to you as well. Thank you to the lovely folks on the widomauk server who have listened to me scream about this for the last three months. Thank you to Chris, for being my sounding board, and thank you to Alex, the Molly to my Caleb. Find me on tumblr at matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll and on twitter at Mebeshe4815. Come and scream at me. I don't bite.


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